Online Horse Betting Sites 2020 - Best Racing Books

I'm A USA Better Betting On Horses Routinely On American Tracks. Is There a Site That Will Take My $2 Action?

submitted by One_Two_Combination to gambling [link] [comments]

What horse betting sites do you use in the USA that are legal?

Looking for a new site!
I have tried a bunch but have not found anything great. A good deposit bonus would be perfect.
submitted by pacollegENT to horseracing [link] [comments]

General Election Polling Discussion Thread (June 2020)

Introduction

Welcome to the /politics polling discussion thread for the general election. As the election nears, polling of both the national presidential popular vote and important swing states is ramping up, and with both parties effectively deciding on nominees, pollsters can get in the field to start assessing the state of the presidential race.
Please use this thread to discuss polling and the general state of the presidential or congressional election. Below, you'll find some of the most recent polls, but this is by no means exhaustive, as well as some links to prognosticators sharing election models.
As always though, polls don't vote, people do. Regardless of whether your candidate is doing well or poorly, democracy only works when people vote, and there are always at least a couple polling misses every cycle, some of which are pretty high profile. If you haven't yet done so, please take some time to register to vote or check your registration status.

Polls

Below is a collection of recent polling of the US Presidential election. This is likely incomplete and also omits the generic congressional ballot as well as Senate/House/Gubernatorial numbers that may accompany these polls. Please use the discussion space below to discuss any additional polls not covered. Additionally, not all polls are created equal. If this is your first time looking at polls, the FiveThirtyEight pollster ratings page is a helpful tool to assess historic partisan lean in certain pollsters, as well as their past performance.
Pollster Date Released Race Trump Biden
Yougov 6/26 National 39 47
Marist/NPPBS 6/26 National 44 52
HarrisX 6/26 National 39 43
KFF 6/26 National 38 51
Climate Nexus 6/26 National 41 48
Fox News 6/25 Texas 44 45
Fox News 6/25 N. Carolina 45 47
Fox News 6/25 Georgia 45 47
Fox News 6/25 Florida 40 49
CNBC/Hart/POS 6/25 National 38 47
Hodas (R) 6/25 Michigan 38 56
Hodas (R) 6/25 Wisconsin 39 55
Hodas (R) 6/25 Pennsylvania 42 54
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Wisconsin 36 45
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 N. Carolina 40 46
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Arizona 39 43
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Michigan 36 47
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Pennsylvania 39 49
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Florida 41 45
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 N. Carolina 40 49
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Florida 41 47
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Michigan 36 47
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Pennsylvania 40 50
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Arizona 41 48
Data for Progress 6/24 National 44 50
PPP (D) 6/24 N. Carolina 46 48
Ipsos 6/24 National 37 47
Quinnipiac U. 6/24 Ohio 45 46
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/24 National 36 50
Morning Consult 6/24 National 39 47
Marquette LS 6/24 Wisconsin 42 51
PPP (D) 6/23 National 43 52
PPP (D) 6/23 Texas 48 46
Trafalgar (R) 6/22 Michigan 45 46
Echelon 6/22 National 42 50
Gravis 6/20 Minnesota 42 58
SurveyMonkey 6/20 National 43 53
Gravis/OANN 6/20 N. Carolina 46 43
Saint Anselm College 6/18 New Hampshire 42 49
Fox News 6/18 National 38 50
0ptimus 6/18 National 44 50
Civiqs (D) 6/18 Kentucky 57 37
Quinnipiac U. 6/18 National 41 49
UCLA/Democracy Fund 6/18 National 39 50
Change Research 6/17 Arizona 44 45
Change Research 6/17 N. Carolina 45 47
Change Research 6/17 Michigan 45 47
Change Research 6/17 Wisconsin 44 48
Change Research 6/17 Pennsylvania 46 49
Change Research 6/17 Florida 43 50
Change Research 6/17 National 41 51
Civiqs (D) 6/16 Arizona 45 49
PPP (D) 6/16 Georgia 46 48
PPP (D) 6/16 New Mexico 39 53
TIPP/Am. Greatness (R) 6/16 Michigan 38 51
TIPP/Am. Greatness (R) 6/16 Florida 40 51
NORC/AEI 6/16 National 32 40
EPIC-MRA 6/16 Michigan 39 55
Scott Rasmussen 6/15 National 36 48
Abacus Data 6/15 National 41 51
SelzeDMR 6/15 Iowa 44 43
Hendrix College 6/14 Arkansas 47 45
Remington Research (R) 6/13 Missouri 51 43
Meeting Street Insights 6/12 National 38 49

Election Predictions

Prognosticators

Prognosticators are folks who make projected electoral maps, often on the strength of educated guesses as well as inside information in some cases from campaigns sharing internals with the teams involved. Below are a few of these prognosticators and their assessment of the state of the race:

Polling Models

Polling models are similar to prognosticators (and often the model authors will act like pundits as well), but tend to be about making "educated guesses" on the state of the election. Generally, the models are structured to take in data such as polls and electoral fundamentals, and make a guess based on research on prior elections as to the state of the race in each state. Below are a few of the more prominent models that are online or expected to be online soon:

Prediction Markets

Prediction markets are betting markets where people put money on the line to estimate the likelihood of one party winning a seat or state. Most of these markets will also tend to move depending on polling and other socioeconomic factors in the same way that prognosticators and models will work. Predictit and Election Betting Odds are prominent in this space, although RealClearPolitics has an aggregate of other betting sites as well.
submitted by Isentrope to politics [link] [comments]

Sign Up For Bodog (also Bovada, Ignition, SlotsLV) - Bonus Information Inside

Sign up for Bodog Canada. On Bodog you'll be able to bet on sports, play in the live dealer casino, the automated casino with slots, roulette, blackjack and more, bet on horse racing, play poker and more.
Posting any other referral link will result in a ban from this sub. It's rule #1.
You will gain access to the following bonuses when you sign up:
The bonuses increase if you use bitcoin to deposit:
Bodog is available in Canada Only. You can sign up on their sister sites though in other countries. If you are unsure, click on the Bodog link and it will tell you what sister site is available in your country.
These sister sites have almost identical sports book and casino options. They also all share players on a shared poker network. Below are the sites and additional countries they allow:
submitted by drjinx999 to BodogCasino [link] [comments]

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6 links for UFC 247 PPV already added
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We even have the ifollow,championship & league 1 ,& all scottish games working
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Premier league channels , Live premiership/FA cup
UFC / MMA / WWE
Rugby pass/Rugby channels , Cricket channels , Horse Racing / Betting
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movie channels , Documentary style channels, news channels,
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Pakistan, Bangladesh , Iran , Afghanistan , Al majd media , Arabic
Macedonia , Caucaasus , Baltic , Czech , Slovakia , Russia , Ua-by , Brazil
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$4.50 A MONTH,$13 FOR 3MONTHS,$24 FOR 6 MONTHS,$40 FOR 1 YEAR

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6 links for UFC 247 PPV already added
FA CUP 4th round replay LIVERPOOL V SHREWSBURY links already in their own FA CUP category (4-2-20)
all epl games for the next week ,links already added
6 nations game links for the next week added already
We even have the ifollow,championship & league 1 ,& all scottish games working
http://iptvpatong.com OVER 11,900 CHANNELS CATEGORIES/COUNTRIES
Australia , Australia sports
United kingdom , UK entertainment , UK regional , UK sports
Sky sports , BT sports , ifollow/Sky red button
PPV channels , Supersports 1-12/Nbc gold 1-10 , Moto gp/F1 channels
Premier league channels , Live premiership/FA cup
UFC / MMA / WWE
Rugby pass/Rugby channels , Cricket channels , Horse Racing / Betting
Ireland , Bein sports 1-13
movie channels , Documentary style channels, news channels,
Kids channels , 24/7 channels, Music channels,
Usa , Usa regionals, Usa entertainment, Usa sport,
nhl/nba/nfl,mlb channels, Espn plus 1-20
Canada , Canada sports / Dazn / Tsn / etc
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Sweden , Netherlands , Norway , Denmark, , Greece , Finland , Iceland
Bein , France , Spain , German , German sports , Italy , Malta , Portugal
Turkey , Belgium , Za Africa , Poland, Slovenia, Albania , Ex-yu , India
Pakistan, Bangladesh , Iran , Afghanistan , Al majd media , Arabic
Macedonia , Caucaasus , Baltic , Czech , Slovakia , Russia , Ua-by , Brazil
Indonesia , Philippines , China , Taiwan , Korea , Japan, , Singapore
Thailand , Malaysia , Vietnam , Switzerland , Hungary , Bulgaria
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We are not new,we are 4yrs with the same website that’s like a eternity in this game and still with the same site before and after xc was taken down
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IT DOESN’T COST YOU ANYMORE MONEY TO USE MY LINK
submitted by jay261170m to phuketiptv [link] [comments]

$4.50 A MONTH,$13 FOR 3MONTHS,$24 FOR 6 MONTHS,$40 FOR 1 YEAR

6 links for UFC 247 PPV already added

FA CUP 4th round replay LIVERPOOL V SHREWSBURY links already in their own FA CUP category (4-2-20)
all epl games for the next week ,links already added
6 nations game links for the next week added already
We even have the ifollow,championship & league 1 ,& all scottish games working
http://iptvpatong.com OVER 11,900 CHANNELS CATEGORIES/COUNTRIES
Australia , Australia sports
United kingdom , UK entertainment , UK regional , UK sports
Sky sports , BT sports , ifollow/Sky red button
PPV channels , Supersports 1-12/Nbc gold 1-10 , Moto gp/F1 channels
Premier league channels , Live premiership/FA cup
UFC / MMA / WWE
Rugby pass/Rugby channels , Cricket channels , Horse Racing / Betting
Ireland , Bein sports 1-13
movie channels , Documentary style channels, news channels,
Kids channels , 24/7 channels, Music channels,
Usa , Usa regionals, Usa entertainment, Usa sport,
nhl/nba/nfl,mlb channels, Espn plus 1-20
Canada , Canada sports / Dazn / Tsn / etc
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Sweden , Netherlands , Norway , Denmark, , Greece , Finland , Iceland
Bein , France , Spain , German , German sports , Italy , Malta , Portugal
Turkey , Belgium , Za Africa , Poland, Slovenia, Albania , Ex-yu , India
Pakistan, Bangladesh , Iran , Afghanistan , Al majd media , Arabic
Macedonia , Caucaasus , Baltic , Czech , Slovakia , Russia , Ua-by , Brazil
Indonesia , Philippines , China , Taiwan , Korea , Japan, , Singapore
Thailand , Malaysia , Vietnam , Switzerland , Hungary , Bulgaria
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We are not new,we are 4yrs with the same website that’s like a eternity in this game and still with the same site before and after xc was taken down
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submitted by resellerjamie to phuketiptv [link] [comments]

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FA CUP 4th round replay LIVERPOOL V SHREWSBURY links already in their own FA CUP category (4-2-20)
We even have the ifollow,championship & league 1 ,& all scottish games working
http://iptvpatong.com OVER 11,900 CHANNELS CATEGORIES/COUNTRIES
Australia , Australia sports
United kingdom , UK entertainment , UK regional , UK sports
Sky sports , BT sports , ifollow/Sky red button
PPV channels , Supersports 1-12/Nbc gold 1-10 , Moto gp/F1 channels
Premier league channels , Live premiership/FA cup
UFC / MMA / WWE
Rugby pass/Rugby channels , Cricket channels , Horse Racing / Betting
Ireland , Bein sports 1-13
movie channels , Documentary style channels, news channels,
Kids channels , 24/7 channels, Music channels,
Usa , Usa regionals, Usa entertainment, Usa sport,
nhl/nba/nfl,mlb channels, Espn plus 1-20
Canada , Canada sports / Dazn / Tsn / etc
4K Channels
Sweden , Netherlands , Norway , Denmark, , Greece , Finland , Iceland
Bein , France , Spain , German , German sports , Italy , Malta , Portugal
Turkey , Belgium , Za Africa , Poland, Slovenia, Albania , Ex-yu , India
Pakistan, Bangladesh , Iran , Afghanistan , Al majd media , Arabic
Macedonia , Caucaasus , Baltic , Czech , Slovakia , Russia , Ua-by , Brazil
Indonesia , Philippines , China , Taiwan , Korea , Japan, , Singapore
Thailand , Malaysia , Vietnam , Switzerland , Hungary , Bulgaria
Romania , Latino , Osn , Caribbean
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$4.50 A MONTH,$13 FOR 3MONTHS,$24 FOR 6 MONTHS,$40 FOR 1 YEAR
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All info is on the website & channel lists etc
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Reseller panels are available
ALL PPV,UFC,EPL,SPL,CHAMPIONSHIP,LEAGUE 1,
MOTO GP , F1
AFL,NRL,NHL,NBA,NFL,MLB,RUGBY PASS,
MULTIPLE CHANNELS AND SOURCES COVERING ALL YOUR SPORTING NEEDS
We are not new,we are 4yrs with the same website that’s like a eternity in this game and still with the same site before and after xc was taken down
I AM A RESELLER OF PHUKET IPTV & EARN MONEY FROM YOU USING MY LINK.
IT DOESN’T COST YOU ANYMORE MONEY TO USE MY LINK
submitted by phuketiptv to phuketiptv [link] [comments]

Come and join the biggest and best for affordable prices $4.50 a month , championship & league one matches are both now activated at no additional costs,NO different levels of subscriptions everyone is VIP/PREMIUM with us

even have the ifollow,championship & league 1 ,& all scottish games working
www.iptvpatong.com OVER 11,900 CHANNELS
CATEGORIES/COUNTRIES
Australia , Australia sports
United kingdom , UK entertainment , UK regional , UK sports
Sky sports , BT sports , ifollow/Sky red button
PPV channels , Supersports 1-12/Nbc gold 1-10 , Moto gp/F1 channels
Premier league channels , Live premiership/FA cup
UFC / MMA / WWE
Rugby pass/Rugby channels , Cricket channels , Horse Racing / Betting
Ireland , Bein sports 1-13
movie channels , Documentary style channels, news channels,
Kids channels , 24/7 channels, Music channels,
Usa , Usa regionals, Usa entertainment, Usa sport,
nhl/nba/nfl,mlb channels, Espn plus 1-20
Canada , Canada sports / Dazn / Tsn / etc
4K Channels
Sweden , Netherlands , Norway , Denmark, , Greece , Finland , Iceland
Bein , France , Spain , German , German sports , Italy , Malta , Portugal
Turkey , Belgium , Za Africa , Poland, Slovenia, Albania , Ex-yu , India
Pakistan, Bangladesh , Iran , Afghanistan , Al majd media , Arabic
Macedonia , Caucaasus , Baltic , Czech , Slovakia , Russia , Ua-by , Brazil
Indonesia , Philippines , China , Taiwan , Korea , Japan, , Singapore
Thailand , Malaysia , Vietnam , Switzerland , Hungary , Bulgaria
Romania , Latino , Osn , Caribbean
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$4.50 A MONTH,$13 FOR 3MONTHS,$24 FOR 6 MONTHS,$40 FOR 1 YEAR
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All info is on the website & channel lists etc
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Reseller panels are available
ALL PPV,UFC,EPL,SPL,CHAMPIONSHIP,LEAGUE 1,
MOTO GP , F1
AFL,NRL,NHL,NBA,NFL,MLB,RUGBY PASS,
MULTIPLE CHANNELS AND SOURCES COVERING ALL YOUR SPORTING NEEDS
We are not new,we are 4yrs with the same website that’s like a eternity in this game and still with the same site before and after xc was taken down
I AM A RESELLER OF PHUKETIPTV & EARN MONEY FROM YOU USING MY LINK.
IT DOESN’T COST YOU ANYMORE MONEY TO USE IT
submitted by jay261170m to phuketiptv [link] [comments]

My mother was tricked, kidnapped, drugged, beaten, raped and then I was born. I wish she never met my father.


EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL
stories have grand adventures and some are great tragedies, but they all start at the same spot. This is a story of the beginning of my life, the first of many struggles and losses. But remember everything we experience both good and bad create who we are today, and everything we do today creates who we become tomorrow.
No story starts the day you are born.
1980 -1982 / Philadelphia Pennsylvania /Across the USA
Nobody’s story really starts with their birth, for me, it starts 2 years before in a situation that should always be about love. Unfortunately, not all stories start that way… Some stories start a thousand miles away in Philadelphia Pennsylvania with a young vulnerable 15 almost 16-year-old girl desperately trying to find her own way in life and escape her past. A past that involved abandonment, foster families and lots of sad nights trying to discover what her place was in this world. A girl who was eager, excited and quickly smitten at the sweet promises of adventure, opportunity, freedom and ultimately love. He was a 22-year-old trucker not long back from serving his country in a cushion job that didn’t ask much of him and yet he still found a way to get discharged after just a few short months of service and still get credit for being a vet. She was taken by those devilish eyes and handsome smile she was thrilled about exploring the world and fell for his tricks fast and easily. Friends and family begged her not to go pleaded with him to not take her. Begged him to just go, said he would destroy her. Ruin her and break her soul. He didn’t care, he knew what he wanted and he went for it, like a predator upon easy prey. He took her across the country all the while knowing he wasn’t the kind of person he pretended to be. He introduced her to drugs ranging from Marijuana to opioids. He made her dependent on him without ever raising a hand for the first few weeks. He impregnated her with my brother before they even made it to California. By this time my Mother was already regretting her decision to leave her sisters and brothers behind, but she was afraid and felt she had already come too far to turn back now. She also still felt hopeful that it would all turn out ok. It did not…
He got them a place to stay in San Bernardino California. A low rent cheap place. She was rarely allowed to leave home because he did not trust her, as a result, she had few friends and was alone most of the time. He used drugs, intimidation and sometimes physical and possibly sexual abuse to keep her manageable and dependent. She felt she had no escape and like she was a prisoner, with no options and nobody to turn to. When her family would call if My Biological-Father picked up the phone he would hang up on them and if she was caught talking to them, he would scream at her and take the phone and hang it up. Refusing to allow her to communicate with her family. While she was with him and one of her friends introduced her to a man by the name of My Step-Father and started to sneak away to see him… Once My Biological-Father found out about this he went to My Step-Father's house and they got into a physical confrontation in the front of his house. Shortly after this, my Mother moved in with My Step-Father thinking she had found the love she was forever dreaming of… Again, it was not…
CHAPTER ONE
A loss that can never be regained.
Ages 0 to 1 / 1982 -1983 / San Bernardino California
My Mother brushed her red hair from her face, smiled and with a twinkle in her Soft hazel eyes said. “That’s our son.” with adoration and love pouring from her heart.
Somewhere in Upland California on the third Friday of November 1982 on the 19th day at an unknown time I came into this world screaming. Torn from the warm dark safety of my Mother’s womb crying for warmth, confused and terrified of this new world. I found myself for the first time placed into the loving arms of my reluctant and terrified young 18-year-old Mother. “What will you name him?” inquired the Nurse. After a moment of indecision, my Mother tearfully replied: “Joshua” looking down at me apprehensively then leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead. “My baby boy your name is Joshua, and I love you.” Said my Mother with tears pooling in her beautiful Hazel eyes. “That’s a perfect name for him!” The Nurse jubilantly replied. “Would you like to hold him?” My Mother asked the man nervously fidgeting in the corner. “Oh yes please!” replied My Step-Father stepping up to my Mother and taking me into his arms for the first time, smiling down at me he called me by my name for the first time. “Hello, little Joshua…” My Mother brushed her red hair from her face, smiled and with a twinkle in her Soft hazel eyes said. “That’s our son.” with adoration and love pouring from her heart.
Six months later My Step-Father and my Mother started to see differences in me and My Step-Father that made them suspect that I was not his child. “His hair is awful blond and light compared to mine or yours…” Accused My Step-Father angrily one night to my Mother.
“He is yours, he HAS to be!” cried my Mother in distress and heartbreak.
She had suspected that I may not be his a few months ago but didn’t want it to be true and could not bring herself to acknowledge its possibility out loud. Truly she did not want me to be My Biological-Father’s son. However, he could not stop thinking about my Mother’s cheating on him with My Biological-Father and it left bitterness and doubt in his heart from the moment he heard she was pregnant only six months after giving birth to my brother in the Summer of 1982. They had already discussed the possibility of the child not being his and she had insisted it was, in fact, their child not My Biological-Father’s, eventually, he accepted this outwardly, and this discovery brought all those doubts back to the surface. But My Step-Father truly did love me and want me to be his and as such attempted to take care of me as their own. At one point they tried to contact My Biological-Father and discuss if I was his child but he gave off the impression that he did not care if I was or not. This is an attitude he would take throughout life when it came to him trying to find his own children. It was clear he never tried to find any of us and was more concerned with his next high than he was with finding his children. (In his words he smoked weed to take away the pain of losing his children. So essentially instead of finding us and being a father, he continued to do nothing with himself and just be alive with no purpose while his children suffered) Unfortunately, this doubt took root and started to cause a lot of conflict between my Mother and My Step-Father over the next few months. During which time My Step-Father and my Mother started to drift apart and she started to cheat on him with another man. Leaving My Step-Father to take care of me. Shortly after my 1st birthday, My Step-Father felt that my Mother was no longer a fit Mother and was unsafe for me to be left in her care. So, he decided to take me away with him with some friends that needed help moving to Nevada and not return. That was the last time I saw my Mother…
CHAPTER TWO
The Mistake
Ages 1 1/2 to 6 / 1983 -1988 / Reno Nevada
There are events in life that decide the direction the rest of one’s life will go. Should I turn Left or Right here? Will I take that job in Washington or stay where I am at? Should I join the military or not? Those are some simple examples of choices that could lead to radically different outcomes a person’s life can take, not all of them are made by the individual but are made for them by others.
It was the start of a new life for both of us. We moved into a small one-room motel called The Westerner. Our room contained a single small dresser with a broken drawer in the middle, it sat flush with the far wall, on it sat a small Grey and Black 16-inch Philips Color TV that had a missing knob dial and broken or missing buttons. It only picked up a few local signals most of which had more static then image in them. Opposite that was the bed, it was Queen sized with a single flat pillow paired with a blue and pink Tribal patterned quilt on top. The Back corner of the room held closet with a plain brown door on it that squeaked anytime it was opened. The room smelled of old stale cigarettes and the AC clearly hadn’t worked in a long time. The carpet was stained and worn. But the rent was cheap and My Step-Father was searching for work. Living, if that’s what you would call it at the motel was difficult for us. It was particularly difficult for me because I was just old enough to know my Mother was no longer around and I missed her. My play area, time out spot, and bedroom were all the same spot, The Closet. The dark room was filled with the musky smell of Marlboro’s and dirty clothes. It was so dark one could scarcely see dust particles floating around the lower portion of the door where the only source of light bled into the room. My bed is my constant and only companion in life took the whole room and was filled with soft pieces of plastic. This I knew because every time I moved small flecks of white floated up only to slowly drift back down onto me like a winter snowfall. The fabric of dangling cloths above me was the only source of warmth when it was cold. Often the yelling from other rooms or the echoes of intimate nature from others often made sleep impossible on the rare instances that I found myself capable of falling asleep. Which was not all that often because at three you’re afraid of everything and that room absolutely petrified me making sleep all but impossible until I was too exhausted for even fear to keep me awake. This makes me think about how throughout my childhood, I had an odd habit of pushing all my stuffed toys and blankets into a full circle around me as if I was seeking protection from something or someone. I do wonder if this could have anything to do with this later behavior.
Throughout my childhood, this felt like a cruel form of never-ending punishment. It was many years later on in life that I would come to reevaluate this situation and conclude this possibly was more about privacy and security for both of us than any mal-intent. At times we struggled so much for money and could not always afford or had a babysitter available, we also lacked in food. Due to this, I was regularly hungry and eventually became prone to stealing and hiding food. At one point I was medically considered grossly underweight. Because of this lack of financial security, I also had little in the way of toys or fitting clothes. I do remember one toy I had at the time, a large bright pink Barbie? party house that had a tiny slide that went into a pool. I recall afternoons and evenings sitting outside on the porch of our room and play with this dollhouse. I remember having another boy or girl that occasionally came over to visit and play with me. This is my first active memory of having any toy and playing with another person.
By this time, I was about four years old when a new figure entered myself and My Step-Father’s life. She had two kids that did not currently live with her but was working on fixing. One was a girl that was the same age as me only three months younger and the other a boy who was about three to four years older than me. My Stepmother was kind to me from the get-go, immediately she saw my need for a mother figure in my life and quickly fell into the role. It didn’t take her long to notice that I lacked basic Hygiene skills. On any given day she would find me running around while I was dirty, smelly and wearing unclean clothes that didn’t properly fit or had holes them. My Step-Father apparently lacked the same skills at the time, but it didn’t take My Stepmother long to correct this issue with either of us. Unfortunately, I found myself often in trouble with this new Mother figure and spent a lot of time on timeout in the dreaded closet. At one point I was spending so much of my time in the closet that I being a young child would get bored and scared so I started to pick at the wall with a screw I had found. Now at the time, it was thought that I did this because I was simply being destructive, however, this is NOT the case. The reason I was actually picking at the walls (that eventually culminated with me making a small screw sized hole into the bathroom from the closet) was that I was a child with nothing to do. I was in the closet so much of my waking day and so dark that I needed to do something to take my thoughts off where I was because I was terrified of being in that closet alone and in the dark, I needed to escape. when the hole opened into the bathroom it provided me a new source of light. This was a great source of joy in the dark void of my world. But alas this did not bring the same sense of joy to my father, it quickly went from a source of delight in my life to a painful and terrorizing realization and lesson on where my place was in the world, to be quiet and not be noticed. To be invisible...
I feel it is important to take a moment to explain some of the more influential disabilities that affected my life in major ways. That way as you read this book you will be able to potentially understand the cause of some of my issues and difficulties and better empathize with them. Eventually, I was diagnosed with a number of Emotional, Psychological and Learning disabilities. Some of these included ADHD/ADD, Developmental Delays, Learning and Reading comprehension disabilities, C-PTSD -Attachment Issues Abandonment issues. C-PTSD, in particular, is one of the most impactful on my life coupled with Bipolar DisordeManic Depression. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder often just C-PTSD is typically developed from recurring or prolonged trauma such as repeated abuse or captivity of some sort. C-PTSD causes me to struggle a lot with core identity/personality issues along with with a Chronic fear of abandonment, emotional/psychological regression during times of stress. Due to this I also have an extremely difficult time controlling negative self-worth emotions. coupled with many of the other standard symptoms of PTSD. Often times I felt that all everything was my fault and I deserved to be unloved. unwanted and abused or generally mistreated. I continue to struggle with these feelings to this day. One of the root causes of this particular disorder for me was repeatedly abandonment by numerous parental figures throughout my early development due to being moved around to numerous homes and facilities. This was compounded greatly by constantly seeing foster brothers and sisters being adopted while I was left behind or staff and therapists, I would become attached to leaving unexpectedly. This causes me to deal with great anxiety, stress and even worries of them not coming back when a friend or family member visits me in some form to this day. It also causes me to get emotionally attached to people far faster than I am healthy and desperate to please others to gain or keep their approval. often times this desperation for acceptance and approval would lead to disastrous outcomes for me or getting taken advantage of by people who saw easy prey. C-PTSD coupled with BipolaManic Depression is the toughest struggle I have to live and contend with every second of every day of my life, And it's VERY HARD…
Over Time My Stepmother and My Step-Father grew very close and she started to spend a lot more time at the motel with my Step-Father. During this time, she was trying hard to provide what I needed in ways of structure and discipline but I proved to be particularly difficult at times. One particularly troublesome incident happened when I went with My Stepmother to a friend’s house. My Stepmother and the boy's parents were busy cooking dinner and talking. The people we were visiting had an older boy who was mercilessly harassing me non-stop, trying his absolute best to make me cry and break down for his own amusement. Eventually, the boy’s harassment succeeded in causing me to break down and me into trouble. My Stepmother and the boy’s parents made us both sit at the island counter and wait for dinner to be finished. This, however, did NOT deter the older boy from tormenting me further. At some point, I got so worked up and upset that I start crying and when he laughed, I screamed in emotional desperation grabbed a fork and stabbed him through the cheek. This did not go over very well with anyone especially the boy's parents. It did not matter that they knew the boy was tormenting me, it did not matter that I tried so hard to obey and be good and the boy just wouldn't stop, all that mattered was that I stabbed the boy in the face. So, the boy's parents gathered him up and left to the hospital while I was taken back to the motel. What the punishment for this incident was I no longer remember, having pushed them into the deepest parts of my memory and locked them away.
This, however, was only the start of much more serious outward signs that I was having some major internal struggles.
I had also started to develop an unhealthy and clearly dangerous fascination with Fire and all things flammable or meltable. This issue seemingly developed out of nowhere and quickly got out of control. The things that were burned varied from small to large. One example of this fascination was that I particularly seemed to enjoy setting dumpsters on fire as this happened apparently on at least one occasion and another time I set a large horse statue that served as the Westerner Motel’s mascot on fire.
I do not remember how this was dealt with but I imagine it wasn’t a slap on the wrist. This fascination with fire seemed to burn itself out as I aged as I do not recall ever being given any therapeutic treatment regarding this. However, when I was around nine years old, I did have a resurgence of this fascination of which I will address later in this book. Around this time, I also started stealing, hiding and destroying food from the kitchen and fridge. This problem got so bad that at one point my parents only solution was to lock the fridge with a padlock. This issue also continued throughout my childhood and will also be addressed later in this book.
During this time my Step father and mother had been having long heated conversations and debates about what to do with me. My Stepmother did not feel my step father should keep me any longer and that I should be returned to my mother or given up to the state. She insisted that since I was not his child or her child that I was not their problem to solve and I did not belong with them. My Step fathers’ own mother also did not feel he should keep me and that I should be given back to my Mother or the state as well for the same reasons. Each time they put off the decision and kept trying to make it work.
At this point I was struggling hard with insurmountable comprehension and understanding issues, and often simply didn’t understand what was being asked of me nor that what I was doing was right or wrong. Due to this I was constantly being punished or redirected for my differing behavior’s. I was always in some sort of trouble. This proved to be a very difficult issue for me throughout the first twenty years of life. Unfortunately, I often really didn’t understand why I was in trouble or how what it is that I did was wrong in the first place, not because I wasn’t listening as most people throughout my childhood and early adulthood had concluded. It often took me a long time to figure out how my actions correlated to the consequence’s I was receiving and it took me far longer yet to discover why my actions were getting me into trouble and understand what was needed of me. For a long time, it was thought that I simply had listening issues, well let me tell you of course I had listening issues! Do you know how hard it is to listen and understand what’s being said as its being said and be able to correlate cause and effect when you suffer from ADD and Comprehension issues not to mention the myriad of other things I was dealing with? You’re always running five steps behind a conversation and when you finally catch up your already too far behind to understand the rest of what’s going on and you drift away. This is rarely ever intentional but always got me into major trouble and always present throughout my life. It took me into my early 20’s before I finally managed to naturally adjust or for it to just even out within myself. Because now I am detail oriented and almost OCD and, in a conversation, I have developed a tendency to either stay quite or to control and lead a conversation which in itself is an issue of its own. Though I still struggle greatly with it, it no longer effects my actions or choices as much as it used too. In fact, to many I come off as quite the opposite which I think is a rather impressive feat to pull off for myself.
The point is I heard you I just didn’t understand you…
It was only a few weeks ago as of the writing of this book that I learned many of the facts that you are know reading about some of which I had small memory or information on beforehand but much that I didn’t. Most of what I learned was all the bad things I did as a child in fact so far as of this writing all I have heard was how bad I was, how horrible I was, how I had this issue or that issue or how I didn’t belong. With exception to my Aunt Debb who shared the only positive stories I have yet to hear. She shared how She used to talk with my mother on the phone whenever they could and that my mom put me on the phone sometimes when I was a baby and she would try to talk to me and I would just laugh and giggle of course this was before I even turned one. Sadly, this last story before The Real Adventures of Joshua (Th Real Adventures of Johnny Quest?) started is also a bad story and for some a Dark Family Story as it was so elegantly titled when told to me the first time.
Throughout a person’s life there are points at which one makes choices that will impact the direction their lives will go. Sometimes you never even know a choice was made until long after. For me it was 29 years later that I found out that something I did when I was five years old, but had no memory of took place, and that it would be disastrous and decisive for my future both in the world in psychologically. I have been told that the fallowing events may have never even happened, that it may be a justification or excuse that was used as a catalyst for turning me over to the state foster care system for behavioral readjustment. Unfortunately, after a few weeks my step-parents felt it was just better to give me to the state entirely. I do ask myself why did they not try to contact my mother or her family though? If they had I am willing to bet a great many issues may have never developed and probably would have encouraged a healthier development for my psyche and emotional development. Alas this is not something I can afford to dwell on. The what ifs of life’s past possibilities will never help you move forward and may in fact hold a good chance at damaging a person further. But it doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally wonder.
My step parents were playing some sort of card game in the main area of the motel room and myself and 2 girls were playing around in the bathroom I was apparently teasing them and harassing then by trying to keep them in the bathroom and I blocked it off with a laundry basket. At some point one of the girls managed to escape and I was alone with my then step-sister.
What happened next is unknown to myself and as such I feel it would be incredibly inappropriate and rude to even consider doing.
Soon after the first girl escaped something happened in the bathroom that resulted in my then step sister bursting from the bathroom screaming and in tears with her underwear around her legs and blood running down inner thigh.
The mood in the room immediately shifted with all the adults were yelling at each other and screaming at me. I know that I was punished severely but like pretty much this entire situation I cannot recall. My Step mother grabbed her daughter and left to take her to the hospital, demanding that my step-father get ride of me or she will leave him. She didn’t need me ruining her chance to get her family back together.
Sitting with my knees pulled under my chin, I waited inside the closet, waiting for him to enter, nervously listening to the rumble of the idle engine and my step parents fighting. Suddenly, the engine pulled away and everything went quiet. Little did I know that my fate had already been decided, but non-the-less, I sat in the closet waiting, for what, I did not know but I could feel it. Something was about to happen, and it did. My world as I knew it was about to end…
CHAPTER THREE
The Cage
Ages 5 1/2 to 6 / 1988 -1988 / Reno Nevada
When you're known your entire life by one mistake it’s hard to overcome that demonization.
Eight minutes that’s how long it took to drive from the motel to the first of over 40 different temporary homes I was to reside in over the next 14 years. Pulling into the parking lot, I saw the largest building of my young life, Washoe Medical Center. It was a grand site to behold as a small four-year-old. There were so many windows reflecting the world around it. Hoping out of the truck, I excitedly ran toward the entrance of this grand spectacle. A nurse brought a wheel chair into the waiting area and asked me to hop in. I was more than willing! It was like a racecar on the NASCAR circuit, zooming around corners, racing past smiling people, careening toward the finish line.
My father was slow to follow. He was not so eager for the coming events. The frown on his face brought me back to reality, and with a fiery crash, the race was over. The racecar disappeared and the track faded back to the white halls and florescent lights, the faint smell of disinfectant assailed my nostrils. Upwards we went, higher and higher into the gigantic building, like a rocket shooting to the stars! Stepping out on the 23rd floor and down the hallway, I moved toward my final destination.
The room was large with windows lining one whole side of the room. Rain smashing into the windows with an angry fury. The nurse picked me up, which is one of my only memories of ever being held! She set me in a large sink full of warm water and started to bath me. My father stood silently by the windows, looking out at the world below, clearly fighting a storm just as bad as the one outside the windows. I sat in the sink with the nurse pouring warm water over my head and pretending it was a waterfall with me giggling and splashing at the thrill of it!
The Nurse wheeled over a large shiny metal crib that had a top on it. This was the scariest object I had ever seen. It now reminds me of a cage for animals you might see at a circus. Well Let me tell you now that I feel sorry for those animals because I know what it’s like to live in one of those. The crib as they call it or The Cage as I have always called it was about 4 feet by 3 feet of cold shiny hard steel. The nurse placed me into this horrid contraption and closed the bars locking me into a whole new prison. The fear that coursed through my body is something that is indescribable as a four-year-old. It is simply something I have no words for that I can use to convey how I felt.
The nurse wheeled me over by the windows, and both she and my father told me goodnight and started to walk toward the door to leave. Staring out the bars confused and scared I asked my father, “Come back Daddy! Please, I will be good!” my father stopped and turned at the door and said to me that last words I ever heard from him the words that have been set in stone upon my heart and my mind. Words so painful to think upon that it’s better to avoid the memory all together and keep it tightly locked away in the darkest parts on my mind and soul.
“I will be right back,” he told me. This calmed me down at the time as the nurse turned off the lights and they left the room.
The dark sky was pouring its contents upon the dreary world below. By this point, rain attacked the windows with all its might. The view down below was imposing. All the little cars and tiny people below scoured about trying to get help or get home. I can still see my father’s truck pulling away and driving off one last time, listening to the rumbling engine dissipating into the distance, which unknown to me would be the last time I ever saw him.
Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was frustration. But for sure it was hard, but then again, maybe it wasn’t? All I know is it was painful for me. Being abandoned at four years old leaves you old enough to know what it means to be unwanted and unloved and young enough to have it seep into the soul and create a spot in you that makes you wonder why and hurt to never know. For so many children, that question of WHY is never truly answered. This question never was for me, and although these are events I do not recall fondly, they helped create who I am today.
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Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Jun. 5, 2000

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUS YEARS ARCHIVE:
199119921993199419951996199719981999
1-3-2000 1-10-2000 1-17-2000 1-24-2000
1-31-2000 2-7-2000 2-14-2000 2-21-2000
2-28-2000 3-6-2000 3-13-2000 3-20-2000
3-27-2000 4-3-2000 4-10-2000 4-17-2000
4-24-2000 5-1-2000 5-8-2000 5-15-2000
5-22-2000 5-29-2000
  • This is an interesting issue, since Dave evaluates the landscape of American wrestling and already sees the likely writing on the wall for both ECW and WCW. Raw is expected to move to TNN later this year and depending on what USA decides to do, it could be the biggest break ever for ECW or it could be their death sentence (anybody wanna take bets?). USA Network is still trying to hold up the WWF deal and they aren't happy about losing Raw. USA reportedly wants to stay in the Monday night wrestling business, but they don't want to be in a position of building up a product and then losing it again the way they are with WWF so if they do, they will want to own it. So it's possible that USA might start up their own promotion or, more likely, would buy ECW or maybe even WCW if Turner gets rid of them (more on that later). But that's unlikely to happen and Dave seems to think it's more likely that USA will just giving up on wrestling entirely, and that would be bad news for ECW because they would need to find a new network. As for WWF, there's concern over how ratings may be affected when they move to TNN but Dave thinks it'll be fine. TNN is available in almost the same number of homes as USA and Smackdown proved that WWF fans will follow them to a new station, so he thinks it'll be negligible. WWF has also proven to have the ability to completely turn a struggling network around, which TNN is desperately hoping will happen.
  • And on the WCW end of things, Ted Turner is looking to leave the Time WarneAOL conglomerate, which could be bad news. Turner has always fought to keep WCW when others wanted to get rid of it. If Turner leaves, WCW won't be protected. And it's the worst possible time for WCW, which has been in sale negotiations with a company called SFX, which owns a lot of the major arenas in the U.S. and does a lot of concert promotion. The two sides have been working together and have discussed various things like jacking up ticket prices and selling corporate sponsorships and things like that. And at one point earlier this year, SFX made a strong offer to buy WCW outright, but Turner execs shot it down immediately. It's still expected that SFX will handle promotional rights but they won't be buying the company. At least 2 other groups have also shown interest in buying either WCW and/or ECW. Plus, the Fox Network has been talking about doing a wrestling show for years so they're always in the running too. Last year, WCW lost more than $15 million even though buyrates and attendance were still strong for most of the year. This year, they're waaaay beyond that, with internal estimates suggesting that they are on pace to lose anywhere from $36 million to $80 million by the end of this year. Not a good time to lose Ted Turner's protection (nope, indeed it was not).
  • On Thunder this week, Bischoff heavily hyped a major announcement taking place at Great American Bash and even went so far as to say there was nothing Vince McMahon could do about it, for whatever that means. It could be the SFX promotional deal, which the general public isn't going to remotely give a shit about, nor would McMahon. Or it could be a Goldberg heel turn, because he was reportedly asked to go heel this week. Goldberg is said to be against it and Dave thinks would be an astronomically stupid move right now. But hey, Hogan and Nash don't want to be bumped out of their #1 and #2 babyface spots, so that's why he was asked to turn. No idea why McMahon would give an iota of a fuck about any of this though, so who knows. Most likely just Bischoff using Vince's name to stir up curiosity (yup).
  • In their desperation, WCW has actually broached the idea to ECW about working together. It's something Bischoff and Heyman actually discussed a little while back during the Mike Awesome legal battle, with Bischoff suggesting they turn it into an angle. But Heyman reportedly has zero interest in being involved in a WCW angle and shot it down immediately. Heyman has also insisted that he's not interested in selling a majority interest in ECW to anyone else, but he also recognizes that he can't compete on a national level without far more economic resources and a stronger TV deal. ECW's whole charm is based on being a small-time cult promotion and that just doesn't work on a national stage well enough to generate enough money to keep WWF and WCW from stealing all their top stars as soon as they get hot. Heyman has admitted that ECW is in a tough situation right now because of the TNN deal. If Vince McMahon allows TNN to keep ECW, then they may be okay. But if McMahon wants TNN to exclusively carry WWF, then they're going to drop ECW and Heyman is well aware that it would be disastrous for the company if they aren't able quickly land a new TV deal (and so it was).
  • Pro wrestler-turned-MMA fighter Masakatsu Funaki announced his retirement from MMA this week and Dave does a big recap of his career. He started out in NJPW and then UWFI for several years before transitioning to Pancrase. His retirement came on the heels of a highly anticipated match with Rickson Gracie that everyone expected Funaki to win, but Gracie ended up beating him fairly easily and, despondant after the fight, Funaki announced that he's retiring. It was an interesting fight because Gracie had dictated all the rules beforehand and they were crazy for an MMA fight. No time limit and the only way Gracie could lose was to tap out. The rules were such that the referee, the corner, and not even the doctors were allowed to stop the fight on Gracie's behalf, he could only lose if he quit. Luckily for him, that never ended up being a factor because Gracie dominated the fight. Gracie injured Funaki's knee, which rendered him unable to fight effectively and then got him in a rear-naked choke, but Funaki wouldn't submit so his corner threw in the towel. But it would have been nuts if Gracie had been on the losing end. Anyway, Dave thinks this may lead to Funaki returning to professional wrestling (not until 2009 but yeah he eventually does and he still works in AJPW and and other indies to this day).
  • The 3rd annual Brian Pillman memorial show was held this week, in conjunction with a benefit put together for Brian Hildebrand's widow. Wrestlers from all 3 major U.S. companies participated, as well as some indie guys. The show drew more than 2,000 people and raised over $36,000 for Pillman's family. The show was way too long (almost 6 hours) but most of the matches were good. During the show, Kevin Nash offered $20,000 to the Pillman family if Missy Hyatt were to strip down to her bra and panties for the crowd, which was mostly families with kids. This was unscripted and Hyatt wasn't going for it and kinda chewed Nash out for putting her on the spot like that, but she did do a little dance and flash her underwear briefly and Nash said he would donate the $20,000 anyway. As of press time, the check hasn't been written (it never does, and Dave occasionally briefly reminds readers about it months and months later). Later in the show, DDP tried to raise money from the crowd by getting a local female valet to take her dress off. The star of the show was Steven Regal, who had his best match in years with Chris Benoit and stole the show. Regal's career was pretty much dead not too long ago after being fired from WCW twice and WWF once due to drug issues but he and Benoit tore the house down in what many called one of the best matches of the year. Both men got a standing ovation afterward, with the crowd chanting loudly for Regal. These days, he's sober and acting as sort of a coach for people in the Memphis WWF developmental territory and is in the best shape of his life. Before the show, Regal called it the most important match of his life and boy did he deliver. Several people ended up bailing on the show. Ric Flair cancelled a few days ahead of time, no reason given. Terry Taylor cancelled due to a concussion suffered on Nitro a few days before. Chris Candido and Tammy Sytch missed the show, claiming their flight got delayed and they couldn't make it. Road Dogg, Al Snow, and Jim Cornette all bailed, no reason given, among others. (Here's the full show, or at least that I can find. Regal/Benoit at 1:12:00 mark. Nash/Missy stuff appears to have been cut from it.)
WATCH: Brian Pillman Memorial Show 2000
  • Jim Rome's "Last Word" show on Fox Sports Net this week had 2 episodes that made some waves. In the first, Rome trashed MMA, calling the sport an embarrassment and saying it wasn't a sport at all, calling it barbaric, dangerous, despicable, human cockfighting, a freak show, and more. A few days later, he had Bret Hart on as a guest and they talked mostly about wrestlers unionizing, which both of them agreed should happen. Hart pointed out that even rodeo clowns have unions. When asked about the Owen lawsuit, Bret was sorta mum for legal reasons but he did criticize McMahon for continuing the show after Owen died. As for the Raw tribute show the night after, Bret was also critical of that and especially about the ending with Steve Austin raising a beer to Owen. Bret pointed out that Austin had spoken publicly many times about how much he disliked Owen and blamed him for his neck injury, so to Bret, it felt fake and felt it was an example of WWF trying to milk the show for ratings, by putting Austin on and holding him till the last segment to make sure fans stayed tuned in. Hart was critical of WCW too, especially all the stunts they do and talked about how he participated in (after his concussion, when he was still living in a fog) a skit where he chased after Goldberg in a car and skidded on ice, nearly plowing through a production truck. It led to him having the "I'm a wrestler, not a stunt-man" argument and basically just shitting on how unsafe wrestling has become and how the pursuit for ratings leads to more and more dangerous stuff. Jim Rome, as he usually does, was completely disrespectful of wrestling in general (though he seemed to like Hart) and called WWF's decision to continue the show the most cold-hearted thing he's ever seen.
  • Since being released from WCW, La Parka has been working far more frequently in Mexico, including working some shows for CMLL. During his initial glory days in Mexico, he was always an AAA guy so it's big news to see him in CMLL (he signs a contract with CMLL in 2003 that ultimately pisses off AAA president Antonio Pena so much that he sues over La Parka's name and gimmick, which ultimately leads to him becoming L.A. Park. Also, apparently La Parka got released from WCW? I don't remember Dave mentioning this before).
  • Antonio Inoki spoke out against NJPW's planned Riki Choshu/Atsushi Onita exploding ring barbed wire match which is scheduled to take place next month. Inoki said the match will do long term damage to NJPW (well, he'd know about that better than anyone). He also accused Choshu of lying since he's not sticking to his promise to stay retired. Dave scoffs at the irony of Inoki having the gall to ever call anyone a liar.
  • Canadian wrestler Biff Wellington was arrested by Tokyo police for attempting to smuggle drugs into the country by mail. No details on the drugs but apparently he got caught getting something from Thailand mailed to himself. Wellington has been working for Michinoku Pro but they cut him loose after the arrest and it made all the major newspapers throughout the country. Japan is extremely strict on drugs, so it was big news and it got him arrested and fired.
  • Lionsgate has decided not to release Beyond The Mat in theaters in Canada. It did decently during its first week in the U.S. but fell hard after that. It'll be released on home video in August.
  • Jesse Ventura is doing Jesse Ventura things this week. There was a lot of coverage of a recent meeting between Ventura and former President Jimmy Carter, who told Ventura his mother was a huge wrestling fan and used to go to shows in the Georgia territory. Ventura, of course, claimed that he remembered meeting Carter's mother back when he wrestled there. But of course, during the time period Carter's mother used to attend shows, Ventura wasn't wrestling in Georgia in those days, so, ya know. Also, Ventura is meeting with Antonio Inoki for....whatever reason. And in a Washington Post interview, Ventura talked about entering the 2000 presidential race at the last minute, saying he feels he could win because Bush and Gore are too bland. Ventura's spokesman had to come out immediately after and clarify that Ventura is absolutely not planning to run.
  • Sonny Onoo worked an indie show in Denver last week and was doing the stereotypical sneaky Japanese villain gimmick, complete with throwing salt. Not exactly doing wonders to help his racial discrimination lawsuit against WCW, in which he claims they forced him to play that exact same type of character against his wishes.
  • The latest on Raven and ECW is that he's not in any hurry to leave before his contract expires in August. Paul Heyman is trying to gently nudge him out the door because they don't plan to do anything with him and he doesn't want to be paying Raven's large contract any longer than he has to. So Heyman's trying to get Raven to leave on a positive note, but if he doesn't willingly go, Dave expects them to just fire him before then.
  • RVD is filming an episode of the Pamela Anderson Lee show VIP. He'll be playing an army major who has invented a bunch of radical new weapons or some such thing.
  • Masato Tanaka has signed a full time contract with FMW in Japan. Paul Heyman had been hopeful of signing him to an ECW deal but it didn't work out. Tanaka's deal ended up being less than half of what he would have been paid in ECW, but he didn't want to spend so much time away from home and wanted to stay in Japan, so he chose to stay with FMW despite the pay cut.
  • Juventud Guerrera ended up being sentenced to 2 days in jail and community service stemming from his DUI and fleeing police charges from awhile back. Luckily for him, he won't be deported which was a major concern among people in WCW. Speaking of, Guerrera and Konnan both were injured on a spot in a match they had on Thunder this week. Guerrera injured his ribs and will be out for a few weeks. Konnan was thought to have broken his arm but luckily it wasn't broken. They wanted to do an MRI on it to check for other injuries, but it was so swollen that they couldn't until it goes down. The belief now is that it may be a torn tricep.
  • Tammy Sytch was pulled from Nitro this week after an incident backstage before the show. There's been lots of reports that she was fired but that's not true. At least not as of press time. Before the show, 2 other unnamed women (I think it came out later that one of them was Kimberly) found syringes in the women's bathroom with a vial of Nubain, which is a painkilling drug that has become popular with wrestlers. Somehow it was traced back to her. Tammy was said to be in very bad shape backstage before the show and others said she was in that bathroom for an eternity beforehand. She was supposed to do a catfight spot with Miss Hancock on the show, but after Bischoff was alerted to the situation, Tammy was pulled from the show and reportedly ordered to take a drug test (this of course ends with Tammy getting fired. To this day, I think she claims that someone drugged her drink but you know how that goes).
  • Notes from Nitro: the show drew around 7,700 fans (only 4,000 paid) so naturally on TV, they claimed it was 12,000. Anyway, it was actually a decent show. Kevin Nash handed Ric Flair the title so he's the new champion again, and Dave says they may as well have just mailed him the belt through 4th class mail for all that title means these days. And for, like, the 2nd or 3rd week in a row, Dave says Rey Mysterio was booked for a match despite still not being recovered from his knee injury and once again, Mysterio had to remind them, "Hey I can't wrestle right now" so they changed the match. Apparently, someone in WCW just keeps forgetting and booking him for shit he can't do. David Flair inexplicably came out to save Miss Hancock from Chris Candido. Flair and Hancock are dating in real life and if you're watching Nitro, you're evidently supposed to know that even though it's never been referenced before. But Russo books for the internet fans, so there ya go. On TV, he was supposed to be with Daffney and they turned it into a big thing where Daffney is pissed because Flair is apparently choosing his real life girlfriend over his TV girlfriend. Booker T is now G.I. Bro. Goldberg finally made his big return and challenged Tank Abbott to a match next week on Nitro. Dave says it makes no sense to give away Goldberg's first match back on free TV, but on the other hand, nobody buys WCW PPVs anymore so it'd be a waste to put it there too, so whatever. Either way, word is Goldberg still isn't fully healed so his match with Abbott will be quick. Karl Malone was shown in the crowd and got involved in the DDP segment which got a big pop since they were in Salt Lake City. And finally, Jeff Jarrett won the title back from Flair in a match that was better than it had any right to be.
  • Notes from the upcoming Thunder tapings: Terry Funk and Chris Candido were in a hardcore match that ended up in some horse stables and in a really dangerous spot, a horse nearly kicked Funk in the face (Funk talking shit to the horse afterward is still one of my favorite things ever). During the Russo/Flair segment, a fan threw a chair over the barricade towards the ring but it will be edited off TV. Before the taping, Lex Luger and Elizabeth had a real-life argument with Vince Russo over whatever angle they were supposed to do on the show and it's possible their matches for the upcoming PPV (Luger vs. Palumbo and Elizabeth vs. Kimberly) may not be happening now (indeed they do not and in fact, this was it for Elizabeth. Both she and Luger disappear off TV. Luger returns 5 months later but Elizabeth would never be seen in wrestling again. I'm sure we'll read more about it). And in a funny bit, Norman Smiley went to some kids' backyard wrestling group and pinned their champion and ran off with the belt (I originally had video of this Norman Smiley thing when I initially wrote this, but its since been removed from YouTube).
WATCH: Terry Funk no-sells a horse
  • Remember a few months ago when WCW officials were worried about an incident that happened during WCW's spring break show? There was a wet t-shirt contest that ended up getting really explicit and there were unnamed WCW wrestlers involved. WCW officials were said to be scared to death that this would make headlines because at least a few people there had video cameras. Anyway, in case you were wondering, it finally made headlines. The Globe tabloid ran a story about it and apparently it was Buff Bagwell who was involved and was pulling both the bikini tops and bottoms off some of the women. None of the women filed charges but the mayor of South Padre Island, where it took place, was quoted saying that the city will take steps to make sure events like that don't happen anymore (can't find The Globe story but apparently Disco Inferno and Lash LeRoux were involved as well. Don't think any video ever surfaced).
  • The famous Wax Museum at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco is adding wax figures of DDP and Bret Hart (can't find any pics of those. The museum closed in 2013).
  • Random WCW notes: Lance Storm was backstage at Nitro in full gear doing promo pics. Disco Inferno and Kanyon are working backstage as road agents. Gene Okerlund has been taken off interview duties for Nitro and will be replaced by Pamela Paulshock, but he'll still be doing Thunder.
  • Vince Russo did an interview with WCW Live on their website last week and said a whole bunch of dumb shit. He basically said a bunch of stuff about how all the hotshot world title changes are good for business and talking about how people pay to see The Rock talk, not to see him wrestle, and things like that. It was a big topic of conversation at the Brian Pillman memorial show, with WWF and WCW wrestlers talking about it. The WWF feeling is that it just proves that Russo doesn't understand the business and proves how little he really meant to the overall success of WWF. A few WCW guys defended him, saying Russo is just working the internet fans to get over as a heel. Dave says that would be fine if that was all it was, but Russo's booking in WCW proves that he's not just saying those things, he actually believes them and that's how he books the company. Dave points out that the hotshot title changes have made WCW's world title less than meaningless. And as for the claim that people tune in to see the Rock talk, not wrestle, well....ratings prove otherwise, as far more people tune in to his matches than his promos. So yeah, Dave is pretty solidly on the side of Vince Russo doesn't grasp professional wrestling (more from this in a moment).
  • Notes from Raw: Kid Rock's rappesidekick Joe C was all over this show in multiple segments and it dragged everything down. "There's nothing worse on wrestling than a third-rate celebrity being put on the show and having the wrestlers mark out for them like they are a big star," Dave says. Ain't that the goddamn truth. On the plus side, it ended with Edge & Christian putting him in a garbage can and then beating the can unmercifully so at least there was a payoff. Chris Benoit vs. Bob Holly was an incredibly stiff match and Benoit was insanely over (they were in Vancouver).
  • Random WWF notes from their recent Canadian tour: 8 different women flashed the crowd during the Smackdown tapings and were kicked out. Lots of "We want Bret!" chants during the shows. WWF tried to get Stu Hart to accompany British Bulldog to the ring during the show in Calgary but needless to say, he didn't go for it. Speaking of Bulldog, he's in really bad shape and looks terrible in the ring and Dave says that if it wasn't for the Owen Hart lawsuit, he probably would have been released already.
  • The daughter of Andre The Giant is writing a book about him along with her mother. Dave notes that Andre pretty much ignored his daughter throughout most of her life and at times even denied that she was his (yeah, this has been pretty well covered even in the HBO documentary, that Andre was basically an absentee father. Don't know if this book idea ever amounted to anything).
  • Talk Magazine did a major story on Chyna that was really good. She talked about her personal life, saying her mother was crazy and her father an alcoholic and a con-man who claimed to be a doctor and said that her childhood was basically fucked up because of them. Her father was also interviewed during the piece and denied her claims. Talked about how she got into bodybuilding and says she never used steroids and Dave gives that a healthy dose of raised eyebrow. Talks getting into wrestling, meeting Triple H and Shawn Michaels at a bar while she was training and how Michaels suggested her as a bodyguard for Triple H (who at the time was seen as someone with a lot of potential but who wasn't getting over). She got the WWF job and says she broke up with her boyfriend to go wrestle (admitting she felt guilty about that). Talked about her surgeries. She said she initially had C-cup implants but didn't like how they looked so when she ended up popping one during a match and had to get them re-done, she went bigger and also said she'd had jaw surgery and talked about not fitting the normal stereotypical beauty standards. And finally, she talked about her relationship with Triple H and said she would like to marry him, but admitted that she doesn't think the feeling is mutual. And finally, she said she hopes to be a mother some day.
  • Former announcer Todd Pettingill is claiming he's coming back to WWF soon. Pettingill worked there in the mid-90s but he got a lot of resentment from people because he was a successful radio DJ outside of wrestling and, due to that, he was able to command a high salary during a time when the company was losing money.
  • Letters section has some people writing in to talk about Vince Russo's latest interview that we talked about earlier and it helps because it gives us some exact quotes from Russo said and other topics he addressed:
  • In regards to the Sting/Vampiro feud, Russo claimed that Vampiro losing all the matches doesn't hurt him, "I don't think anyone notices the losses."
  • In regards to titles changing hands all the time, he said: "The reality is every Monday or every Wednesday a title could change hands. The days of a guy having a title for six months to make it mean something is absolutely ridiculous. Those are the old laws of wrestling that just don't make sense in the year 2000. A champion defends his title a dozen times of TV and house shows. For him not to lose one of those dozen times is ridiculous."
  • In regards to in-ring wrestling vs. entertainment, Russo said he'd rather watch Norman Smiley vs. Ralphus any day before he'd ever watch a 20-minute cruiserweight match.
  • Claimed that Vince McMahon is rattled because he knows that Russo and Bischoff are a threat to him. Claims that's why they've maintained a good relationship with ECW and why they brought Mick Foley back at Wrestlemania (someone helpfully points out that Foley was brought back for WM before Russo and Bischoff ever got their power back).
  • Claimed that Mike Awesome never had an ECW contract, which is pretty silly since he most certainly did and WCW paid ECW 6-figures to buy him out of it.
  • Talked about becoming a TV character now instead of just the backstage writer and said he was doing it because he loves WCW and was putting his body on the line for the sake of the company and yada yada. The guy writing this letter is amazed at Russo's ego.
  • Still claims that ratings increased on his watch and that he was forced out of the company the first time due to politics. Of course, Dave has repeatedly proven how misleading and false the ratings claims are. Business did not improve under Vince Russo, either the first or second time, and in fact, it got worse.
  • When asked about not pushing foreign talent, Russo basically buried them all. He said Silver King and Dandy have no talent and that he's never even seen the Jung Dragons (even though they're a tag team that works for his company). He said the reason he hasn't pushed the other foreign stars, he said that in order to relate to American audiences, you have to be able to entertain and you can't entertain American audiences if you can't speak English. When asked about Sonny Onoo's racial discrimination suit, he pointed out that he has pushed Normal Smiley, Booker T, and Ernest Miller.
  • Said he defies anyone to come up with anything creative that WWF has done since he left, aside from the Triple H/Stephanie wedding. The guy writing this letter goes on to give a laundry list of examples.
  • TL;DR: how does anyone still defend Vince Russo?
  • And finally, somebody writes in and talks about why ECW's ratings have been stagnant for so long and says maybe ECW and its fans should be realistic and see that the company kinda sucks right now. He gives a lot of examples of things ECW is doing wrong creatively and makes some decent points. To be fair though, ECW only has less than a year to live and Heyman was holding on to his sanity by a thread at this point. He wasn't on top of his creative game.
FRIDAY: Paul Heyman holds ECW locker room meeting/pep talk, more on Luger & Elizabeth, Vince Russo says even dumber shit than he did this week, Sandman out of control drunk at an ECW show, and more...
submitted by daprice82 to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

TIFU by not knowing where I was applying

TL:DR at bottom. On mobile, educated in USA, grammar is not my friend.
So seriously, I just figured this out 15 minutes ago.
I’ve been applying for jobs nonstop for the last month. So many that I have lost track of where all I have applied.
Yesterday I had a phone interview with an offsite betting company that covers Horse and dog races. This morning I checked indeed and had a follow up message for an on-site interview. I confirmed and posted on my fb that I have a second interview except I put down the name for the company I thought it was.
A friend commented saying to tell these specific people I know her since she works at another of their locations. Her names didn’t match the names I had on emails so she asked if I meant company A or if it was a different company. I went to the email again and said ‘No, it says company B, but as far as I know we only have the one location’. She laughed at me and said it’s the competition to company A. I’m all WTF?? I looked at the address on the email and sure enough it’s clear across town from company A.
I based my entire interview on Company A not knowing there was a company B. I’m glad I figured this out before I went to Company A for my interview instead of Company B and screwed it all up.
I swear I don’t live under a rock. I live in a small city (large town) and have lived here for 99% of my life. How did I not know there were two offsite betting locations? I’m a frickin idiot!
TL:DR - I didn’t realize we had two companies with close names that specialize in the same thing, applied at Company B thinking it was Company A and got schooled on my FB page
submitted by WyoGirl79 to tifu [link] [comments]

WIBTA If I refuse to switch a room I’ve never seen?

I’m gonna be a college freshman. I wanted to move into a dorm next to my classes. I got into the dorm, & was planning on meeting my roommate & suitemates when I show up. The layout of this dorm is suites: 4 share a bathroom, but you need a keycard to get into your assigned bedroom. In the email I got about getting into the dorm it just gave me my roommate’s name (Max). I just got an email from someone (Bob) who I guess is my suitemate? The email was pretty bossy & had 8 exclamation points in it,but I am not a great writer so I shouldn’t judge. It said Bob requested to be Max’s roommate because they “have already been planning for the year and getting to know one another.” I looked them up; they went to different high schools.
The college officially said when they assigned everyone that we couldn’t switch rooms until the end of the semester. But according to Bob’s email, he and Max “have contacted residential services, and they have told us that if all four of us send them email confirmation that we are fine with the switch, they will pair [Max] and [Bob] in one room and the other two of you [Me and Luke] in the other.“ Maybe I’m over sensitive, but I was put off by how Bob called me & this Luke guy “the other” repeatedly in the email. I get that he doesn’t know us, but it’s like he hasn’t even considered that we are people too. I also doubt that residential would switch us. My bro goes to this college & wanted to get out of a room with a guy that was violent & they repeatedly refused to move him until the next semester.
The nice thing to do is probably to just switch for Bob. It’s annoying that I have to email but whatever. My mom thinks this is Max & Bob’s problem & I shouldn’t have to stress over emailing the residential people.
But before doing this, I looked up Luke who would be my roommate in Bob’s scenario.... & this boy is WHITE. There’s nothing wrong with that, but he plays golf & rides horses & plays polo, & helps out at his conservative church, & he’s from a city that I’ve heard is “USA’s capital of homophobia and racism”. Guys, I’m a black guy with dreads from LA. Luke is my polar opposite. He’s doing STEM & I’m an art student. I don’t hold a grudge against him, but I can easily see him disliking me.
I checked our class page there’s MANY posts from folks who didn’t get put with their requested roommates at all. They’re all trying to switch next semester. Also some rooms are next to a construction site, some tiny, & some have support beams in the center. I would honestly prefer not to trade a room until I had seen both rooms.
WIBTA if I don’t email residential services & force Bob and Max to live next door to each other? I bet that residential will tell them that I didn’t agree to it, & they’ll be upset. I know that either way I’m not living with Bob, who is the most off putting to me but WIBTA if I respond respectfully I don’t want the stress of switching rooms right now?
submitted by ComprehensiveBother2 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

GAMBLING COUNTRY RESTRICTIONS


  1. Asia-Pacific - Not allowed
  2. Australia - As long as the Australia casino is a licensed. Operator registered with an appropriate Australian State. Or Territory and provides a valid license of Sports betting and Lotteries
  3. Austria - As long as the Austria casinos licensed by the Austrian Ministry of Finance. According to all applicable regulations in Austria and, in the case of sports betting. Also provides valid sports betting permit number issued by the state government. In at least one State of Austria according to all applicable regulations in Austria.
  4. Belgium - As long as the advertiser is a company registered in Belgium. And if the online gambling activity requires a license. the Belgium casino provides a valid license number. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games, Online gambling comparison sites. As long as no online gambling takes place on the aggregator site.
  5. Brazil - As long as the Brazil casinos licensed by the Brazilian gambling authorities. Lotteries, Horse racing Sites that provide information. About or a comparison of other gambling services licensed in Brazil. But do not themselves provide gambling activities that must a license. These sites may provide links to gambling services. Not operated or controlled by the aggregator.
  6. Bulgaria - As long as the Bulgaria casinos licensed by the Bulgarian gambling authorities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Slots games, Sports Betting.
  7. Canada - As long as the Canada casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games.
  8. China - Not allowed
  9. Croatia - As long as the Croatia casinos licensed by the Croatian gambling authorities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Slots games, Slots games, Sports Betting. Sites that provide information about or a comparison of other gambling services. But do not themselves provide gambling activities that must a license. These sites may provide links to gambling services. Not operated or controlled by the aggregator.
  10. Czechia - As long as the Czechia casinos licensed by the Czech gambling authorities. Online bingo, Lotteries, Slots games, Sports Betting
  11. Denmark - As long as the Denmark casinos licensed by the Danish Gambling Authority. Location-based gambling, Slots games, Online betting, Sports betting, Fantasy sports contests. Slot machines, Gambling-related information, such as tips, odds and handicapping. Gambling-related promotional products, such as gambling-related vouchers. Deposit bonus codes, etc. Gambling-related tutoring and educational materials. Such as books and e-books.
  12. Egypt - Not allowed
  13. Estonia - Not allowed
  14. Finland - As long as the Finland casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games.
  15. France - As long as the France casinos registered with ARJEL (Autorité de Régulation des Jeux En Ligne). Provides a valid operating license number. Operates on a ".fr" domain and publishes a warning on the landing page. And also any image ads against excessive or pathological gaming. As well as a message referring to the help and information system as foreseen by the gambling laws. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games, Lotteries.
  16. Germany - As long as the Germany casino is in possession of both a valid gambling operator license. Or an intermediary license. And advertisement permission, both issued by the competent German authorities. Sports betting, Horse racing betting, Lotteries.
  17. Greece - As long as the Greece casinos authorized by the Greek authorities. Casino games, Bingo, Sports betting, Lotteries.
  18. Hong Kong - As long as the Hong Kong casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Lotteries, Sports Betting.
  19. Hungary - As long as the Hungary casinos registered. With the appropriate Hungarian Gambling Authority. Or the State Tax Authority and provides a valid license.
  20. India - Not allowed
  21. Indonesia - Not allowed
  22. Republic of Ireland - As long as the Ireland casinos registered. As a bookmaker with the Revenue Commissioners and provides a valid license number. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games, Online gambling comparison sites. As long as no online gambling takes place on the aggregator site.
  23. Israel - As long as the Israel casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games.
  24. Italy - As long as the Italy casinos registered. With the AASA (Amministrazione Autonoma dei Monopoli di Stato). And provides a valid operating license number. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games.
  25. Japan - As long as the Japan casinos licensed by state-run entities. Horse, Motorboat, Bicycle and Auto Racing.
  26. Korea - As long as the Korean casinos licensed by state-run or state-licensed entities. Lotteries, Sports Betting.
  27. Latvia - As long as the Latvia casinos licensed by state-run entities: Lotteries.
  28. Lithuania - As long as the Lithuania casinos licensed. By the Lithuanian gambling authorities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Slots games, Sports Betting, Lotteries.
  29. Malaysia - Not allowed
  30. Mexico - As long as the Mexico casino is an operator registered with the Secretaria de Gobernacion. And provides a valid license number. Slots games (slot machines), Bingo, Lotteries, Sports Betting.
  31. Morocco - Not allowed
  32. The Netherlands - As long as the Netherlands casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports Betting.
  33. New Zealand - As long as the New Zealand casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games.
  34. Northern Ireland - Not allowed
  35. Norway - As long as the Norway casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games
  36. Peru - Not allowed
  37. The Philippines - As long as the Philippines casinos licensed by state-run entities. Casino games, Lotteries.
  38. Portugal - As long as the Portugal casinos licensed by the Portuguese authorities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games. Sites that provide information about other gambling services licensed in Portugal. But do not themselves provide gambling activities that must a license. They may provide links to gambling services. Not operated or controlled by the aggregator.
  39. Romania - As long as the Romania casinos registered with the appropriate authority. And submits valid licensing. Casino games, Sports betting, Bingo, Lotteries. Sites that provide information about, or a comparison of other gambling services. But do not themselves provide gambling activities that must a license. They may provide links to gambling services. Not operated or controlled by the aggregator.
  40. Russia - Not allowed
  41. Serbia - As long as the Serbia casinos registered with the appropriate authority. And submits valid licensing. Casino games, Sports betting, Bingo, Lotteries. Sites that provide information about, or a comparison of other gambling services. But do not themselves provide gambling activities that must a license. They may provide links to gambling services. Not operated or controlled by the aggregator.
  42. Singapore - Not allowed
  43. Slovakia - As long as the Slovakia casinos licensed by the Slovakian authorities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Slots games, Sports Betting.
  44. Slovenia - As long as the Slovenia casinos licensed by state-run entities: Lotteries.
  45. South Africa - Italy, Austria or Great Britain registered casinos may target South Africa. But must apply online through the specific application form for each country.
  46. Spain - As long as the Spain casinos registered with the Spanish gambling authority. And provides the relevant valid licenses. Casino games, Sports betting, Bingo, Raffles, Competitions or sweepstakes, Lotteries.
  47. Sweden - As long as the Sweden casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Online gambling, Online Bingo, Sports betting, Slots games.
  48. Switzerland - As long as the Switzerland casinos licensed by state-run entities. Sports betting, Lotteries
  49. Taiwan - As long as the Taiwan casinos licensed by state-run entities: Lotteries.
  50. Thailand - As long as the Thailand casinos licensed by state-run entities. Sports betting (horse racing only), Lotteries.
  51. Turkey - As long as the Turkey casinos licensed by state-licensed entities. Lotteries, Sports Betting.
  52. Ukrainian - As long as the Ukrainian casinos licensed by state-run entities: Lotteries.
  53. United Arab Emirates - Not allowed
  54. United Kingdom - As long as the United Kingdom casinos registered. With the Gambling Commission and provides a valid operating license number. Online bingo, Sports betting, Slots games, Lotteries. Sites that provide information about, or a comparison of other gambling services. But do not themselves provide gambling activities that must a license. They may provide links to gambling services. Not operated or controlled by the aggregator.
  55. United States - As long as the USA online casinos licensed by state-run entities: Lotteries.
  56. Vietnam - Not allowed
Source: https://www.toponlinebestcasinos.com/
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Insomnia rambling, been up 60+ hours, mind is like a drunk, I have no shame letting it out. Chronic insomnia, 4 years, medications, jobs, causes, intp overdose (am i intp?) meditation, relationships, trauma, children, the state, autism friendly/encouraged to read, incels welcome, mods r ok doke

Rare personal story, just one really you can pass I'm just a man trying to communicate about insomnia, life, suffering, personal ups/downs, tails for people who might need them, connection for people who needed it, and for a personal win, finally contributing to (Ii really dislike reddit for many reasons, but engaging for personal growth and not autismo (colloquial, majority of internet are socially low ranked males with humour, obsessions and a high affinity for Autistic spectrum disorder not other specified. Psychiatric diagnosed (by Britians appaling but gratefully extisting mental health treatmen.. (alarm went off, trying to get up at same time every day. I cheat a bit by just staying awake for 3 days at a time but even though treatment is not a joke, I'm one who laughs like a ape on lsd when psychiatrists and mental health staff stiff try to get me to have "good sleeping habits" despite being "uncompliant" due to "choise", I just don't try hard enough to stick to good sleeping habits, tried it so many times but I'm out of will power right now. Look I've been up for 3 days this week, 3 days last, average 3 hours of sleep when I can or even just 1. What the fuck is good sleeping habits worth when they are the obvious alternative to prescribe when you "just aint suffering enough to get dem spicy benzo sleepy meds" I'm looking a this screen with double vision, i got to close one eye to read.
Thinking of getting a butt vibrater recently. My condition means my self-esteem and confidence are so low, with high severe anxiety and mood disorder and brain that thinks sleep it a fucking drug that you don't want to get to tolerant to or get iwthdrawals, like waking up feeling every cell in your body alive. I mean I enjoy walking around with my cells heated and stressed, confused and wants a shag maybe after being awake 70 hours with its friendly associate "sleep-deprived mental state", a natural aphrodisiac, social lubricant, sure to win any birds approval if it weren't for them pesky "sleep" things other people do. I mean I enjoyed it when younger, spent a lot of time alone in bed for number of reasons, ending up having semi-buddhist self-realisations like controlling dreams, manually waking up from dreams (arguable), surviving parents with 1) No skill to attend to emotional struggles as men as supposed to be strong for women like my mom and sister, his mom, his sisters, heck the fucking Queen and Tina Turner all had this "odd, different,chaotic, self-doubting, paranoid, avoidant, terrifying, beautiful and blissful side to them. Women always confused me as I talked to them like men but apparently thats being weird or retarded. I've learned with therapy, time, medication, lsd, weed, the internet, proffessor Nutt,Eckhart Tolle, Dr Gaba Mate, Jordan Peterson and Avoidant Personality Disorder, GAD, dysthymic, chronic insomniac with a fortunate outlook on life, just, at , this, moment. Tomorrow I'll be wishing to be friends with the birds in the park again and I'm not ready to settle my social status ego as crazy park man, juicy lucy, Red Bull subversional experiment no#19387616, a sad man with troublesome problems (look at him hes look at nature lol! That's only for creeps, Perv!). Joking, I make jokes since my dad was someone who could break the moment of a family tragedy with laughter from a source I could only assume comes from a frequency (or just nothingness, k, I've got Tinnitus and a keen ear for loud noises and things I can't make sure that I've not went psychotic. of infront of everyone by saying "ocial attempt to communicate for no other conscious reason than engaging with people again, the internet is that beast that can social relieve you or repeat traumatic patterns from the past, activating your stored memories (without conscious realisation, you thought about it too much in the past and as an insomniac I can't remember to brush my teeth everynight! How could I be so gross? Should I judge, shame myself? When was I last shamed for being gross and how did it feel? Maybe in school group of friends, your parents giving you responsibilities tp help you with life, or yet another bried honest care for their son that isn't just to keep shame away from the family ( Insomniacs been through too much pain not to have awakened spit special overpriced sleep relaxing tea our. How can one human who gets no sleep become so mentally ill but ingenious in regards to treating a health condition regarded as simply avoidable and choice driven, to the unfair tragedy of our condition, which most others in my experience equate with a mild headache in the morning solved by [societal programmed respone, evidence biased on selection, funding and appeal to societies psychological fear of past government (and many current) axioms of control, deceit and subversion, their true interest in human life gone at the latest realising politics, choas, order corruption and desperation are recipies for levels of hell greater than missing the latest episode of the Simpsons, sports, gossip, meme everyone experienced while you wondered if being a highly educated cog in the machine of an orchestrated dance of emotional negativity designed for civilisations compulsive need for more rather than a fundemental return to the child you were before you were forced into dynamics that danaged your health and daren't stir the boat...
or else...
I startle from sleep as I'm falling asleep, nervous system rapidly jumps gears, relaxing takes ages, maybe not enough time to return to base before your next plight.
I feel open (very rare, sorta weed helps! This isn't a weed dominant post its alright MMrs threatened person, reactionary or trying to value and burden civilisations psychological and emotional load (spiritual too, but nm that)) to keep its unimaginable complexity. Experiantial and high school graduate level insight on some Drugs, Psychonaut, Insomnia, Depression, anxiety, severe, chronic, treatment resistance, shame, spiral of despair, loniliness (yash I'm gotta say sexually at least. Good looking genes but brain rerouted and damaged by cross generational traum, genetic causes, I'll clean my flat (Or half at least so main room, toilet, hall, bedroom presentable. Shove every fucking thing in buckets and amazon boxes in their reminded of the times, future (Very pessimistic about future, cyberpunk, dystopia, mad max, fallout, fifa 11 (ahh my last of those shitty buy every year games, still... if I had friends that played I'd pay it for the experience, even battlefield 1943 that shitty plastation store game with faint reminders of the glory of old battlefield games (all best personal game memories come from games that communities are toxic, then you start walking around the residence silently looking at everything like god is making everything a fag that should just not exist pls. I'm human and teammate abuse/rejection is primordial and experience induced trauma for me, but I'm not revealing much about my true ills for redditors to put their finger in the proverbial wound and swiggle it around just for shits, because as I have come to learn, and you may be dubios or straight disagree, humans have became a sick species, unaware of its own tragedies running from cognitive torture, just for a few seconds, like an addict to finding peace (chaos and order are inseparable and peace is a state of no mind attained by very few in our generations), and it's no wonder... We come from thousands of years of extreme suffering and strength.
I'll stop talking Jordan Peterson and/or Eckhart Tolle (if you have suffered you have a very low risk and high reward just to research and contemplate their teachings) to stop focusing on aggresive thougts through no fault of their own. No one really, deeply wants to endure more suffering that they already have, and I'm guilty of bullying a few kids to up my social status when the moment presented its like a cat pouncing if not interested) and their unique moments of pleasure from spotting enemy boats, dolphin diving and nades spammin.
Got myself some, benzos, some weed,tobacco, and tasty treats. Some alcohol, yet still awake for 3 days last week with anything but an microsleep when I lost awareness in dizziness for a sec. Trying to drag they buses and trucks the "strongmen" tv show do in the mind.
Anyone else feel like that analogy for your brain and ego to admire a little self-wortj? Not even a little huh, mind to busy.
Making mistakes at work due to sleep deficit in a chicken fast food retailer Average 3 hour sleep including before theI got the Sat and weeks/months/years before it (avg mind, but a very static sleep chart on my phone so the GP, mental health staff and Docs, nurses and Psychs/therapits xx After those days awake, last weekend, I Drank 2 botlles of white trying to knock myself out to sleep on day 2/3 but not too harsh, Didn't work and sobering up from "heavy" alcohol binge to see the sun in the dawn is Achy and bland.
Paracetamol, Caffeine, Neurofen help me start my new job a months few monthsto sleep related disorders... Not putting the counter for fried chicken your just made and dropped in the fried (an automatic rare mistake). Followed by breading chicken incorrectly. tried plus ssris ish types but not enough it seems.
Biggest effect for managing the mental illness were srris (would have went in normal day life,worse under stress like work crazy anxiety knife in hands nuts)was vaping weed to treat my anxiety/mood (which yes if you use low or mix with tobacco won't zonk you.
Diet is a riot 5 stones in 3 years, 19 bmi unhealthily thin to borderly obese at 29.
We don't get the care we need and deserve as truely suffering a horrendlously life alterating condition. How has people with severe chronic insomnia i.e 3 hours a night average.
Went to NHS psychiatrist and got told "your body will fall asleep when it needs to". I almost laughed out loud. My type is getting hypnic jerks/myclonus as relaxing and falling asleep, waking after what 1 hour? Expected to treat my Anxiety and Depression and all this shit through behavioural models which had failed through trial and error.
Leaning over to the dark net now getting to grips with benzos and their addictive tendensies. Modafinil and Pregabalin have been the most important off the net, and Phenibut. Tianeptine sulphate not useful enough although a nice high with withdrawal worse that opiates and tianeptine is an antipressants AND opiate.
I've read stuff about benos. Their suffering withdrawals worse than any drug, yes even heroin and crack. Just tried to get a little bit of sleep before long work hours in a kitchen by popping a cheap pill. Still judging their use/wprtj pver negatives, not spent much in w/ds and chronic use/abuse for 2 weeks now.
Got some LSD too, Class A I know but I'm not woried overworked police officers will care, and if they do the cost wouls sick trash for them, and I use it for therapy and mental health issues. hmm. no invites copers.
Note; Just got back from the shop and dude, I was having so many thought patterns I jump around the place like a asslym seeker in EU cpuntries. (are these attempted jokes banned? Soz if are pls no perma. Probably would want to be a comedian in the future yikes comedy so bland literally women comedians would just end up attacking each other and then jump on a political party.
I love women. I love men. I love all. LSD and cannabis let me see women as equals and against the bigger religions views etc. I used LSD to try treat my insomnia and mental conditions, it showed me something I couldn't describe, only at 50uq for me it was potent maybe im sensitive. I seem morphin which freaked me haha but next time maybe ill have more introspection before jumping for some xanax and burying my head in my pillow like a huffy 8 year old trying to manage the terror this lsd can cause. Perception changes are fucking enormous people. I took weed and realised "Comedians are usually sad I wonder what they do ! " I searched Jum Carrey, and found Eckhart Tolle. I disagree that you can just be in the present moment like a choice, I think he is over optimistic in our "pain bodies" momentum it carries through the collective unconscious like that first time you fire your bay blade into that shitty pastic arena thing.
I'm not going to fix this post I'd usually just delete this shit now but hey may some Pepega autismo incel tragic son of a bitch like me will enjoy this sht. Also reading with weed might help. Lsd and reading is.... I wouldnt like to do it yet anyway. Lsd made me love everyone and further forgive women in my life who cause me pain like my mother and other relations. We are all one. Naw, Im no psychotic im just 3 days sleep deprived trying to extrapolate a shit tonne of ideas from my head and a general low self esteem in my writing pride because its anonymous anyway I'll just delete it if its faggy (no offense just the happy faggy as in, your a fag because ur not giving that old women your seat. Not the gay. Also I was probably internalised homophobic before lsd, but now im like who gives a shit
Also that knife shit about going nuts thats no worry no call the popo if i was gonna kill someone id of killed my mother when i was 11/12. What the fuck must she have done to me, I remember the verbal, emotional, psychological abuse but to want kill her the damage she was doing to me might have been worse than some physical kinds.
Fuck her. But I forgive her. Her intention was never to harm me, psychopaths are very low percentage chance, and categorised as illness too and even psychopaths can restrain themselves just like a horny incel that wants to rape. Im not afraid to talk about this sht cus I talked to many mental health professional and the general concensus is 90% of people think completely fucked up things but, anyway, mmrs autismo that read this whole thing.
If ur a hot grill message me, I'm not going to get catfished im fairly paranoid and extensively edgy as it is, and tbh, if a girl added me on the internet I'd probably block them just like on league of legends because my mind and emotions goes fucking nuts. What to say? Am I being cool? Is she into me? Am I thinking to much? Yes, ok. Focus on breath. I'm cold. Oh dude if this girl is into me it be so hot. Shit im fantasing about a girl who just wants to playt a game with me im so fucking sick. She made a joke with a kiss mark, is she flirting? Do I make a move? Shit shit shit. Fuck this get blocked noob hehe i play teemo jungle next 20 games fucking reeeeeeee.
I'm ok lads. Ok that one really concerned person reading to see if I say something anymore fucked up, who do you think you are dealing with here? If you draw are on diaviant art or something i l ike that sht hit me up.
3 days Ive been up dude. Have to buy my own etizolam, will knock me out whenever I use it thankfully but without it its just awful. Being up for more than 3 days without sleep is a drunken, stumbling, slurring, brain farting, -20IQ, but I probably more chance of getting a grill like this than with 9000 hours sleep how sad. Talking about girls again fucking get out of me man I know ying and yang are cool and all but, shit man, evolution make it hard - literally - to not think about women when a depressed, alone, never gf, over school age, mentally ill, internet diagnoso autismato certified by Dr Nick! Childless, relationshipless, my therapist says this is actually a good thing for me because id be taking on others problames but (fuck if reddit has a character counter im going to be pissed I dont want to edit this crap im spewing out intuitive Kappa all over the place.
So right, no gf or kids, die alone etc a lot of western scariest thing. But you know, with meditation and Buddhism (not stricktly tied to the institutional buddhism) you can find peace within yourself. I dont want to be 50 getting boners when I go outside to get a fucking apple. Jesus christ, it slike im 14, im on high dosage ssri paroxetine kills sex drive, still get fucking boners reeeeeee. cant fucking use them feelsbadman.
would you ever become gay in a situation like this just for comfort and sexual pleasures etc? Im like 97% straight just and prostate massage froma cock would be nice based on my own experiment but the smell is not a fucking cinderalla or jasmine its a fucking gragas or santa after running around the world delivering presents when his dog with the red nose is sick. Women smell so nice, heres a spicy story. I was living in halls up at a close uni to mine, and everyone was out on break, so I got super horny tried to enter a girls room and holy sht... the door was open. I walk around hoping to find a nice dildo but I find out something disappointing, its a pair of panties absolutely drenched in female pheremones. Fuck, im not gay. Gay would be so easier dude i hate women cus of my mom and sister. Trans is just like, its hot porn but , i mean yeah id like to do it irl if she is hot but.... Im not fucking C9 Sneaky that dude makes me uncomfortable he makes me question fucking eternity and space and everything when he dresses like a cute girl and I want to fucking judge him since i got bullied at school and my parents would judge me but damn id probably fuck him.
there it is, Like it may feel nice but the smell of guy, sweat, semen, dude, im a guy and that shit just aint pleasant or... sexually satisfying.
Anyway insomnia fucks people up man. I see shadows at corners of eyes past 40 hours awake. I dont give a fuck about that shadow people sht its too drama and unstimulating for me. Ive seen fucking hallucinations. I downed this liquid once at a party at uni campus to impress a girl, no idea what was in it, fucking burned my nose drank 500 ml of spirit could have died but yolo haha xd. I spent time in college observing !alphas! and they just reckless smash shit up fucking retarded johnny bravo motherfuckers, Im more of a Tyler Durden myself. Watched that film on lsd the other day, it was great until I seen how it was basically Hollywood dictating what is really from fantasy, trying to pull you in, tell you what is real isnt, pulls you in again. fuck that shit man.
That dude has insomnia in fight club. I love that sht. Its sort of an ego identity. Im meditating frequently when I can, obviously not right now shit went down at work didnt want to get pushed around like bullies did in high school fuck sake lose a job 10 years after high school still quit a damn good job, because of the kitchen staff were fucking amazing. The stories, the lifestyle, cant fucking remember their names on Facebook and my old phone broke with their numbers.... so mad. So what, I cant remember names, dont judge me. I dont know why i cant remember names.
A name is like, identity. Human 1, Human 2. Mother, father. Baby, Adult. McDonalds, Burger King. Trump, one sec im gonna hit some weed not hit in like 9 hours dude./ Nah im not taking a hit yet, want to wait till im queuing up in league with my teemo jungle sheeeet weed dude hahah so cool ahaha. Actually only tried at 25, after everything else failed. and it showed me the spiritual side of life with its perception changes. It fucking saved my life. I fucks with me,.. She, fucks with me. The downs, the paranoids, the anxiety, the weed hangovers, but damn. So what if people become lazy stoners and sit around... guess what, they wont. Sitting around is fucking BORING. As a depressed medically sick note autismo gibs not having my job anymore at kfc sucks ass. I miss it, but I dont miss any sort of letting some bitches and wanks verbally rub their nutsack on my face just to keep happy a bit. I need to find their names dude and get some one on one, the stories of others, not just boring college people. all the same shit, REAL people living at 48 working at fucking kfc in the kitchen. Now thats the guy I want to talk to.
Women. If my dick never got hard for women, I'd probably like less of them. fair statement, would go both ways. I like their... emotions, fuck its hard to differentiate when your dick in your brain spazies out when you try think about a girl man im fucking neutring you dude nah im not chill my .... no, racism is... it can be funny if it isnt bullying, like joking amongst buddies. Taking the shit outta each other. Im watching some korean lol streamer called Rush, and he keeps calling americans fatty burger faces. Now thats funny, im uk and im shit teeth yellow and drink tea, but from scotland too so im a ginger FREEEEEEEEDDOOOOMMMMM intoxicated drunk Irish singing partners grandad.
But women,, fuckkk. Guys are funnier dude, I laugh and joke so make dudes. Some women are out of this word funny, but they aint the comedians on tv they are real life Holemies. I added the girl my sister works with right, if thats you then go ahead message me btch but Im not going long term I do not believe in it humans are fleeting energy dancing between chaos and order and chaos and order cannot fucking stay together especially my parents man.
I cant even remember them fighting but im so sure i used to cover my ears with my pillow to hear them stfu. I told my dad about my mums over abusive behaviour, he says stuff like western daddy dad, chin up, look after your mum she doesnt mean it, sticks and stones (I want to puke at that sht, id rather get my arm broken than this suffering of my soul if feels like im not alive or dead but again in the middle, suborbatory or some sht whatever that christmas thing is.
I want some homies to talk to, and hollies. Im white so i dont get black culture too much i dont listen to rap music except nicki minaj she is best rapper. Anyway, Queen were a great band but Coldplay I fucking loved dude. Their first album, sends me away from my pains and merges with the pain of everyone feeling the same frequency of pain and says "its ok to feel this, we are here together, you are not alone, you can calm down your nervous system" where as my body now is like fuck you this is my nervous system bitch overclock this son of a gun lets go fucking nuts.
Ofc this is the id that Frued refers to in his psychotherapy works, the id, subconscious and conscious.
My central nervous system is like... fried man. Fucking might as well be a chicken at least id be tastier. Like wtf man i have to take an ssri, a newly invented drug to not kill myself? What would I have done 100 years ago? Fucking, I'd probably have killed myself or alcoholic. My mums Dad was alcoholic, died from liver alcohol damage. My mums brother was a heroin addict, died 6 months after his mum died (my mums mum, my gran, blood relative). My poor mum. My poor uncle. Heroin man, he got into weed at 12 and then into heroin just naw fuck society. I'm on a razors edge between the same fate. Tried Codeine I hate that warm euphorice hazy sht it reminds me of Breaking Bad scene floating and sht and hell naw I prefer benzos but that sht meant to be worse than heroin withdrawal. going to get off them soon when I get back into meditation.
I tried self medicating in Novermber after I asked a Psychiatrist twice for help, twice 2 years ago, plenty of GPs. I respect benzos are dangerous, I havent withdrawn from any yet just some etizolam and vals to help that rollercoaster of xanax (never used) style ups and downs with th short half life.
Met a guy on the bus the day before I quit KFC. was going to hospital with 30 vals for her. He said "I bet you think im just some annoying cunt hurry the fk up and stfu get out my way". I looked him dead in the eye (I was on a bit of Etiz tbh so that helped me not freak out) and said "I see everyone as the same". His face paused, eyes locked on me, expressionless. I wonder if anyone had ever told this man he is loved. He looked fucked up by drugs. Ive stopped teh description cus as I said internet is aplace of everyone and maybe drug kings reading this sht like yeah boy i got a new homie to smack up, so hell naw I want to work for Jessie Pinkman tho that crew was sound (Glasgowegian term: Sound = cool = No problemo = Love thy neighbour). Id watch that show again just the drama is fucking booorrrinnggg second time walters wife and my hatred for women man fuck me it gets toastie in my nervous system it wants to fucking flying of the face of the earth to fucking Neptune to cool down a bit. Dude im pretty sober now, this is just insomnia and my autismo mind. Im sorta high IQ, my mom says im pretty. My dad says im smart. My friend says im funny. Some girl says im so big, girls, thats a compliment we want to here man our fucking chimp brain implodes and we feel like Zues pounding the mother earth (my greek mythology sucks sorry if it sucks reference).
I'd like to hug a girl, sure whatever sex is great but not without complications, id like to share silently, explore, meditate, just fucking be without wanting something all the timee. But where are these girls, and where the fuck is my self-esteem dude gimmie dat back dats mine bro. I feel my mom took my self-esteem, crushed my soul with her black heart and death vibes with her postnatal depression, furthter depression, chronic anxiety and just taking that shit out on your kids is shit.
I got into trouble at school a lot, wait sht, talk about women again. boobs are nice, bagina is nice, butt nice, leg, feet, hand, neck, head, hair, only bit women i dont like i probably her poops and her brain. But thats not fair just a quick joke man, shes a man-eater look out boy here she comes. What the fuck did she do to me. I've always been shy, sensitive I think, but, just, crushed in confidence. I loved my dad so much I didnt want anything in my life to harm him. My mum..... she told me she bottle fed me cus breast feeding too sore, dont know significance but I understand. Again I forgive my mother for everything her childhood sounds shit, alcholic dad never home, emotionally abusive mom with .. having a fag lads. Dont smoke just during high stress cus i dont get addicted and confident i can quit, quit job at kfc cus bully managers, girls im a steal come get me. Actually dont im scared of you all i know the potential for girls to get into my emotional "heart" and wreck it ralph for funsies, well not funsies its fantasy acted out in reality unfortunately of suffering.
Dude ive had dreams of cutting dead bodies up for art like on Dexter, necrophelia, stupid fucking freudian big fucking black trains cus i went on 4chan al last summer and always blacked pictures fuck that site its funny tho seen a random soldier steal a tank like on gta never for reported to national news dont think but was unreal. he was drunk he was just trollin bro, lighten up usa. fucking, soldiers. I wont say much. I dont know if the deep cia etc really care about da normie or da autismo internetster or just care about his/her paycheck cocaine and probably lighting up a jay. I mean how can a deep state person start a family, its suicicde dude. We all the same family. if earth blows up, we reconnect with the univerese. the tragedy of self-conscoius life ends. something else happens.
If I have a family holy shit id love my kids so much it would hurt me, i might e ven suduko cus of current mental illness in future relapse, or wife is like my mom in which case i fucking take several lines of cocaine, go strippers, shit what else you do in gta, fucking dirt bike to top of mountain and jump off and glide, steal a plane with a horse with no name and 9/11 into home street to say what up to my mates.
See I fucking, well, i didtched all my homies i grew up with. most of them got into hard drugs, my best mate is now blind, blinded by his gf smacking him with a phone into a coma. i fucking seen him in the indian shop the other day, i was in there with him. he didnt know i was there. I didnt talk to him. That cunt bullied the shit out of me when younger, maybe my mum fucked up but this guy took out my butt plug and shoved it somwhere nasty like... clintons pussie? yikes. dude politics is fucking something man, this timeline, putin, trump, brexit, shit is suck tho so much suffering.
so
so much.
If I talk shit for 28000 words then come to this realisation then its worth to me man, its a shit truth tho. life is suffering.

on lsd, i felt for 30 mins at the peak of the trip in a place of no where. i didnt feel anything inside me, no soul etc.

~I was like "go get some water" and then the body was like "why dude" and so I just stood bent over in one position for 30 mins my legs in pain but again my brain say "im in pain bro quick gimme some luba luba from yo moma" but I just accepted it and stayed silent, still, present, eckhart tolle id take his dick. buddhas too i tihnk althought probably lot of shit going on in tibet with gangs and that sht he has to support or help i dont know.
hey cia, mk ultra only read a little bit but you wanted to use them on soldiers in war like nam? cod world at wablack ops 1 story was fucking cool man mason the numbers reminded of mk ultra like shit. good story line. Im mentally ill so I could be getting sent 5g signals to fuck me up oh shit dont say it noo immmmmm gooinnggggggggg.......
hitler? why are you in heaven? Like dude I know you had mother issues like me, you wanted to be artist and you werent good enoughs o shit dude, i seen ur paintings and they were good i thought, keep your head up. I know your dead and shit but we are all fucking one. Im no nazi, no isis, no anarchist, shit what am I. Awakened? Spiritually? Do girls dig that sht? Its a pretty painful experience like it aint pretty realising time is eternity and always now and everything else in mind is an illusion, perhaps consciousness itself. I mean as long as I get sex tho right. High give my bros...
chap ... chap ...
Are you Mr Blue?
why yes and you are?
Im mr going to round house kick you into your mirror cus you knocked my daughter up.
wel sheet the condom just kill it man its no fun get abortion.
Is abortion bad though, like really. I dont think so. I kill life everyday by being alive. organisms die in my bodies defence. whatever idc.
Suicide though, like what the fuck. I mean im doing alright just now i suppose, cant complain (3000 word complaint btw)said to my therapist suicide should be allowed, its not fair on the patient.Why do people have to stay alive, there is nothing in meditation or in the state i felt in lsd that said life is a must. On that LSD dude, I tried to move but either my mind said or I realised "I dont have to mve" but I was like dude lets go lets take a piss man and my conscoiusness was like like "no, you watch this, shut up, learn, just, be".
So I did that and I grew from it. being in pain and being alright? Pain an illusion? So many less medications. I want my brain back dude. Most people I was competing with in my classes went on to get degrees and are doctors, laywers, sceintists and Im fucking, worked in mcdonalds could keep it down, kfc twice nope, deliver china man food nope, help old women with their shits and food no that was too hard but most rewarding. cex was alright just bully manager was a bint although, w.e. I want to play teemo jungle man. I want to level 2/3/4 gank all lanes with red buff and smite, spam laugh, raise emote and mastery.
I also want to say.Space. Everything. Emotions. People. Just breathe.. All we know for sure is our most ancient know and this is of breath, maybe. shit i need some meds or somethin getting bit dizzy. sht what is it.diazepam i think just 5mg should do.its only 10am//// what the fuck. I mean ill take 5mg of valium sure but kinda sucks seems like a sorta intense w.d.
Pregabalin was interesting, good and bad. good it fucking works mate if you like Phenibut then this will give you some extra resilience that according to Jordan Peterson you would have if you didnt get shat on your whole like mentally. Mums job to raise childs mental. She should of protected me ebtter. Now I play childrens video game, over 6660 hours. 900$ down. free game, how did fiddle even lose. WTF is the toxicity in this game im feeling anxious, I used like 3mg etizolam like 10 hours ago so hey its probably that, i take so valium or some etiz or that drug clonazepam i got to stop spasms in my sleep.
Dude meditation when you get into it is better than any drug. Its just getting past the point of using drugs to get by man. Fucking vision if fucking up man like i close my eyes open then room spins. Alcohol does that, maybe gaba drug, prob etiz couple hours to go for pregabalin, shit this sucks.
dude i better not be illt or osme sht.
i feel like sht, but since that lsd i well...,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, im fucking nodding dude. i had 3 cups coffe 2 modafinil. Fucking etizolam this is what i mean it can fuck u up 2 weeks use not even every day max dose 8mg a day.
I got etiz for Insomnia! actually relevent! I kept going into work with no sleep staying up 30 hours + before start shift etc. 2 secs my face burning up dont run out of benzos kids.
Cool took 5mg diazepam, you know dude if my post gets deleted ill be pissed, but at least if a mod can read ill will feel better, say something gay like "chin up bud" or "its ok man, Ill come over to your house and give u the giraffe, i know your not gay but you said butthole pleasure (gta vice city, radio right? Listen to gta radio now folks, playing the game tho is kinda, dude it pretty bad)
Im fucking pissed at games nowadays man. Microtransactions and loots, fucking dlcs, season passes, give me a full fucking game like I used to get with the customisation built in and not all about graphics ok man? GTA4 story was great and the airport was so much fun on multiplayer, I watched DansGaming and Forsen on twitch.tv play gta4 again and as an adult and like 10 years old that sht was still releveant and entertaining as fk.
really shows you with gta5. the fuck was that game dude. im driving around with sweet graphics jumping into army base to steal a jet, get out, get jumbo plain fly about, hey cool. The story tho? I like the white mafia guy aigh? He goes to see a therapist or something, probably court ordered right unlike myself tips Benadryl or some insomnia meme I dont want cringe shit Im from twitch chat 7 years running dude i know my shit never modded either i suck no ones dick but my own once just the tip it was aight just fleshy and warm.
Oh dude I think that etizolam w.d is going away man. that sht was like getting into a pretty bad lsd trip. fucking vision darting around, like when your really, really REALLY drunk and your vision keeps fucking going up and down like yoyo and its funny as fuck but scary as hell. Yeh, that shit, bright lights sucked and headache.
Only reason I got benzo as i was saying, and its Etizolam, was because of working. I have chronic insomnia lads/laddetes/oneness/future hot gamer gf who is turned on by my autism means wtf is wrong with her fucking run it sthe cia knock knock motha fucka I gonna wreck ur house and steal your lidl pc to find you bought a fucking dildo. Hmm. I wonder if sex toys in the uk especially will remain legal.
Auto women are becoming a thing, they have to be banned, absolutely. Im fucking mi5.mi6 and my population dont need the drama and mindless stress and pain that keeps them confused and wagecucking to pay for the worlds shitty karma. I wanted to join raf man as pilot. dad got me a shitty laptop from work for peanuts (very cheap uk slang) and i went to game shop, 3 pc games for 10 pound jismed man. Theme hopsital, flight simulator 98, the sims. Throw in age of empires 2 man I back in the late 90s, friends still on, charlie sheen no melt down yet, no 9/11.
I typed some sht man but need to tidy and smarten up a bit or some paramedic gonna come. I want a hooker man. I need some pussy. I dont need just really want on biological need level. constant incessant noise in my head (grab her by pussy) oh sht im definitely banned from reddit now no pls not back to 4chan and pol/r9k its fucking exhausting getting by all the shills and tribalism.
On that, what the fuck are we all thinking. Immigration at level never seen. Total culture shift in 1 generation. Once white dudes stop going to football and get all tribal on peoples ass theres gonna be gangs popping up. I mean there already is drugs gangs from asia and rape/child sht from middle east north africa right? I dont know what to say about that.
Dude insomnia is a killer illness literally. Look at my delerium, well most just excess mumbling autismo (no sure reddit is ok with calling anything stupid anything other than "stupid" which is double standard, stupid people arent stupid by choice, its discriminatory and we have a duty to look after stupid people). Some people think of masterrace of high IQ, I mean like, skt want 5 fakers, argentina want 11 messies even in goal that dude run up the post overhead kick from the bar to save penalty.
I said i took 5mg valium right?hmm. I have been up for 3 days, typing like a true autismo right now. My mom even asked if I thought I might be autstic last year, I mean I understand her concern, but that fact she caused the majority of my psychological damage, well her, Chris, Dad wasn't perfect he got scary and sectarian and I want to see him actually, need to get my benzo right can be having fucking shitty lsd trip at 10am 8-9 hours after dropping about 4 mg etizolam, kindling perhaps.
Phenibut is suchan awesome substance, Phenibut, Caffeine, (no order) Modafinil, and Pregabalin dude. I was meditating (just breath concentration focus meditation on breath no gomba stomp awoooa throat swallowing shit and while I noticed little to no changes over the month, when I stopped, dude I fucking felt psychotic the thoughts just coming in like whot he fuk you think you are my mother? who didnt respect my personal boundaries as a child treating me as a secondary human being rather than an actual person. Fuck man. Life. Its not her fault. She had her own trauma. Now her son is using benzos to try fucking manage mama mia!
Anyway pregs was good to 450mg for a few weeks when i was meditation, my back started to like give up in strength and my body jolted away, this was super intrusive to my meditation and triggered me. I wanted to get back down to 300mg or 150mg but as soon as I started dropping the dosage my sleep went to shit and I already had insomniai so that was fucking fun jesus. Got etiz to make sure, twice a week , i can get some fucking sleep fo im not up for 80 hours working 3./4 shifts. Alas, feel kinda memory fucked after etiz and foggy, might be better just stayin up. Phenibut, coffee, modafinil, paracetamol, ibuprofen, propranolol. Great kit for you to have to do stuff when you get no sleep. Also working twice a week, Phenibut gains no tolerance used twice a week and no more vast majority of people. So you take that befoer you sleep and you wake up ready to go to work regardless of shit mood and sleep.
Gonna smoke some, play some teemo jungle idk man,60-70 hours awake. Add me on reddit xxxx
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How to Bet on Horses - Horse Racing Betting Explained Best Betting Software Working 100% 2020 HOW TO WIN TRIFECTAS. HORSE RACE BETTING SYSTEM PART 2 Make easy money betting horses online! Inside the Lives of Professional Horseplayers & Gamblers: Raw or Die Ep4- Interview w Dennis Montoro

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How to Bet on Horses - Horse Racing Betting Explained

Best Online Horse Racing Betting Site for US Players - Fliptroniks.com - Duration: 4:11. Fliptroniks 3,570 views. 4:11. SECRETARIAT - Heart Of A Champion - Duration: 13:03. This video is about Inside the Lives of Professional Horseplayers & Gamblers: Raw or Die Ep4- Interview w Dennis Montoro. We talk betting strategies in big cash tournaments on horse racing ... When you are Betfair trading on the betting exchange you are always trying to look to see if there is a trend in the market. Somebody asked me recently if I used bookmaker prices or a service ... Learn how to bet on horses. Our video explains win, place and show bets. Combine these bets into one "Across the Board" or "Win Place Show" wager. Discover the trifecta, superfecta, exacta and ... Falaa galera do Destino viemos mostrar pra vocês um novo sistema de aposta á cavalo que estará disponível em nosso servidor, quem é antigo no GTA:SA conhece. Fiquem ligados em nossos mídias ...