Betting "$32 across" in craps - Alan Krigman Gaming Author

First Contact Second Wave - Chapter 177

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T'Nok was born a warrior caste male. As large as a Terran warborg at just over three meters, his blade arms were thick and highly honed, his gripping hands were strong, and his legs were thick and powerful. Before the P'Thok Liberation he would have undoubtedly been eaten during his first mating, his coloration and physique and intellect making him highly desirable. His cranium was well developed and his school scores put him at the top of his classes. The tattoo on his abdomen from the Bongistan University of Lumbering Meat Beast Ford was a source of pride for him and his sash proclaimed to every female and male who saw him that he was not only a prime physical specimen but his intellect made him highly desirable. The fact that he was a reknown crysteel architect made him wealthy and highly sought after to grow the elaborate living crystal domiciles the higher caste females so preferred. More than a females would see him and clean their bladearms while they stared at him.
Which was why he was glad that birth control and ice cream was a thing. He liked his head.
He had been designing a particularly challenging birthing chamber for a shipping company matron and decided to go out and enjoy a bowl of ice cream, perhaps even a banana split, to relax and sweep load bearing computations from his mind. On the trip in his comfortable travel-disc he loaded his favorite game and spent time arranging coins just right for a virtual Terran monkey to grab as it bounced off of walls and objects. It helped discharge the formula from his datalink implant and reset his nervous system.
The ice cream parlor that he preferred was high end and upscale. The bench seats were made of red dyed animal skins in an arcane process that produced soft but firm red leather. All of the edges of surfaces were made of chrome. Each table had a delightful radio that ensured that those sitting at the booths could listen to old style Treana'ad music as the waitresses, wearing large wigs and elaborate white costumes, would roll around on the skates on all four of their legs. He liked the coloration of the ice cream artist working that day, her skill with carving ice cream floats with her sterilized bladearms made him hum in satisfaction.
The sight of the backdrop, showing a Treana'ad on a long board, balancing with an ice cream cone in one hand and a cigarette on the other, as he used the board to skim along the inside of an ocean wave, reminded him that he was going to go foot-disc or foot-board surfing with some friends next week. He double-checked his implant to make sure the appointment was locked in. His friends had all certified their RSVP's and while he waited for the waitress he made sure to order high quality bonfire wood, special order ice cream, and actual Terran Dark Continent Wonderbeast steaks to cook over the open flame.
The waitress took his order, a rainbow tower of sherbet, left him a complimentary cigarette and book of matches, and skated away, tapping her bladearms together in tune with the jaunty song that was playing.
"Hey, T'Nok," came a voice.
Crap, it's J'Vik, T'Nok thought to himself. He found the other Treana'ad somewhat boorish, with poor taste in ice-cream and worse taste in poetry that he tried to inflict upon everyone around him. The problem was, like T'Nok, J'Vik was warrior-caste born, which meant that T'Nok had to be at least polite to him in public. Only J'Vik fancied himself a 'warrior poet' and suffered a fundamental misunderstanding of what that actually meant.
T'Nok looked up and saw that J'Vik was wearing a beatnik on his head. One of those flattened hats the humans called berets. Which T'Nok thought was funny, since the phonetic sounds of 'beret' meant 'delicious looking' in his native language.
Only J'Vik would walk around proclaiming that his head looked delicious with his hat, T'Nok mused, managing to keep from laughing by lighting a cigarette.
The other male sat down and T'Nok made a mental bet with himself that the other male would try to stick T'Nok with the tab.
"Did you hear the news? Everyone is talking about it," J'Vik said, completely unaware of the three barely mature females in the next booth over snickering about his hat and wondering if his head was as delicious as J'Vik was claiming. All three of them had the shiny carapaces of someone who had molted within the last week.
Two of them were wondering if they should lure the 'warrior poet' back to their nests, share him, and then discuss on the satisfaction they got from the taste, consistency, and volume of J'Vik's head.
T'Nok calmed his anxiety over the three females, who would undoubtedly eat a male's head, birth control or no birth control, just because their just matured primal instinct told them too, and enjoy a nice bowl of chocolate fudge cheesecake ripple afterwards.
Barely mature females were dangerous, everyone knew that, but there was always 'That Guy' who thought that his head was armor plated.
All of his life T'Nok had been careful not to be 'That Guy'. He'd known a few.
J'Vik definitely fell in the "That Guy" category.
"I have been busy with my work. My client is most eager for me to complete my work," T'Nok said, exhaling smoke through his forward legs.
"Got a smoke?" J'Vik asked.
"Alas, I did not bring a pack along. Perhaps when you order?" T'Nok said.
"Here, I have one," one of the females said, leaning over the back of the bench and offering a menthol cigarette. "You can have it," she said, staring at J'Vik's beatnik.
The other two slowly cleaned their bladearms with their mandibles, their compound eyes sparkling as they watched their friend offer the cigarette.
"Thank you, pretty," J'Vik said, fluttering his antenna at the female.
She turned around with a titter and rubbing her wings together, looking smugly at her two companions, as J'Vik lit the menthol.
Don't be That Guy, T'Nok thought to himself.
"I'm surprised you didn't hear. It's pretty big news, especially for your caste," J'Vik said somewhat smugly.
"You are too concerned with castes," T'Nok said, shaking his head. "We are free of castes."
"Mm-hmm,' J'Vik said, making T'Nok want to roll his eyes but his eyes weren't designed in such a way. "Easy for you to say."
J'Vik preened for a moment.
Oh, warrior, who has everything he pleases
Cannot I have a bowl that you have not cleaned
For I am but a worker
In this society of ours
J'Vik said. He preened for a moment, ignorant of the giggling of the three females and the flat out laughter from two matrons watching over a clutch of a dozen little hatchlings.
"I wrote that," J'Vik said.
"You're not worker caste," T'Nok reminded him.
"Poetry transcends caste," J'Vik said, smugly cleaning his antenna with his bladearms.
T'Nok tapped his bladearms in a shrug. "I am not one for poetry," T'Nok said. Not quite true, he quite enjoyed Hard Core Rigellian Saurian Gangster Rap. He particularly enjoyed the recent poetry-song 'I got yer eggs right here, suckah' by the Big Tail Ganstas.
"You caste often is not," J'Vik said. "Still, I would have thought that you would be excited by the news."
T'Nok gave a sigh. "What news?"
"The Confederacy voted to go to war this morning," J'Vik said, excitement in his voice.
T'Nok froze. He had to close his opaque eye-shields for moment as the horror rolled through his mind. History requirements in school had ensured he'd been exposed to plenty of media he would have preferred to avoid.
Only someone like J'Vik would be happy that uncounted sentient beings will kill each other, he thought to himself.
"You're excited, I can tell," J'Vik said. "I knew that news would speak to you and excite you."
"Have you ever been to TerraSol?" T'Nok asked carefully. He signalled one of the waitresses to bring him a pack of smokes, changed his mind, and asked for a powersmoker, a 'vape' as the humans called it along with a swamp-apple flavored cartridge.
J'Vik gripped his hands together in a frown. "Why? Oh, because the Terrans will undoubtedly be fighting in the war?"
T'Nok had to resist the urge to hold the smaller male down and allow the three females to eat his head.
"I take it you'll be signing up right away?" J'Vik asked.
T'Nok managed not to sigh, turning and thanking the waitress for the power-smoker and tipping her a handful of credits for her ability not to snicker at J'Vik's beatnik.
"Why would I do that? I don't know one end of a power-rifle from the other," T'Nok said, shrugging again. "I'm sure the Confederate Military can get along just find without me dropping my rifle and accidentally shooting off my own genitals."
That made the three girls snicker as they slowly cleaned/sharpened their bladearms, still staring at J'Vik's hat.
"But the Confederacy is going to war," J'Vik actually sounded confused that T'Nok hadn't jumped up, ran out into the parking lot, and immediately fired off a power-rifle into the air.
"Which is a profession and activity best left to skilled professionals," T'Nok shrugged. "The closest I've been to warfare is I watched the episode of The Nitrogen Seven when they robbed the Terran Army base only to discover that they'd just stolen a bunch of Terran pornographic magazines instead of the Commander's secret ice cream recipe, and that series is a Tri-Vid comedy."
"Well," J'Vik preened with smugness for a moment. "I heard they're going to start a draft. I'm sure such a prime specimen of the warrior caste such as yourself will be right at the top of the list."
T'Nok shook his head. "A draft is as likely as," he stopped himself from saying 'You writing decent poetry' and instead got out "the Digital Omnimessiah appearing in the bathroom to bless the faucets."
The females giggled to each other.
"It's all the talk on the Net Boards," J'Vik said.
"I would suggest not spending so much time on the Boards," T'Nok scoffed. "Just last week you were telling me that there was going to be a chocolate shortage by now, but here we are and the prices are the same."
"Peak chocolate is real," J'Vik said, straightening up, his wings rubbing in anxiety.
"Pfft, you sound like a Precursor," T'Nok said. "There is only enough chocolate for me."
The girls snickered again.
"Well, of course, you wouldn't notice any shortages. Your caste never does," J'Vik said.
T'Nok took a long pull off of the power-smoker and exhaled through his legs, feeling irritation rise up.
If we were still having castes, I'd tear your bladearms off by now, he thought to himself. No, not my education, not my years of study and hard work even sacrificing social gatherings, but no, it's all my caste, all my coloration and size. It doesn't even matter we're the same caste to you.
"Hmmph, you're feeling annoyed because you know I'm right," J'Vik said, his antenna flicking with smug assurance.
"You realize you're warrior caste too," T'Nok pointed out. He didn't point out that J'Vik would have been eaten as a hatchling if the caste system was still in place.
J'Vik might have been warrior caste but his coloration was poor, he was small for a male, and his vestigial wings were off pitch when he rubbed them. Worse than that, his poetry was execrable and he had put off education to create poetry and live off of his parent's wealth.
That made J'Vik sit quietly for a moment. The waitress came by and J'Vik ordered a triple chocolate destructor bomb with double-fudge.
She didn't leave a complimentary cigarette and T'Nok almost busted out laughing.
"When are you signing up for the war?" J'Vik said once both of their ice cream had been delivered. The three barely mature females had ordered half-bowls and were giggled to each other, still eyeing J'Vik's head. J'Vik, of course, started eating his ice cream like it was going to vanish while T'Nok savored his, letting it partially melt and mix properly.
"Never. Me joining the military would be suspected of an enemy plot," T'Nok answered. "I would be so incompetent as a warrior they would suspect me to be an enemy agent."
"I figured you'd be braver," J'Vik said, pushing his empty bowl away. "Where's your caste pride?"
That made T'Nok sit up straight, reaching for the power-smoker to mask his pheromones of anger. "Don't go there, J'Vik. You and I are the same birth-caste, but that does not give you the right to insult me."
"Insult is never given only taken," J'Vik quoted, sounding smug. "I thought a prime example of the warrior caste such as yourself would be more inured against perceived insults."
Really? Quoting Terran stoicism at me? Well, let's see about that. I've about had it with your subtle insults, T'Nok thought, not bothering to pick up the power-smoker in order to let the other male realize how angry T'Nok was.
"J'Vik, if you feel your ability to attract mates is so threatened by my very existence to the point of attempting to goad me into joining a profession I would be incompetent at, in hopes I would be killed in some far off struggle, then perhaps you should attempt to reconcile that with the obvious issue that you are too cowardly to sign up to go to war despite being warrior caste yourself," T'Nok said, tapping the edge of his spoon on the bowl.
Every female in the ice cream parlor, even the waitresses, burst out laughing. The high pitched squeals, the humming of wings, even the chirping of matrons rubbing their back legs together filled the parlor.
J'Vik went completely still.
Finish him! T'Nok heard in his mind and he tapped his ice cream bowl with a bladearm tip making it ring as he continued speaking, delivering the final bladearm thrust.
"I'm sure if the enemy attacks you can drive them off with that detestable whining you insist is poetry that you instead inflict upon us all every time you see another male that appears to be content with his own life due to the glorious fact that he is not you," T'Nok finished.
Even the other males joined in with the laughter.
"Ice pack for table nine to treat that burn!" A male called out.
"Confederate statutes don't allow you to own someone like that!" a female laughed.
"Quick, molt your shell and run off before he realizes your husk isn't you!" another female giggled.
Someone threw the image of J'Vik up on the ice cream parlor's display with the caption "LOCAL MALE MURDERED BY WORDS" underneath. The image of J'Vik looked up as a shadow covered him just in time to be crushed by the words "U R PO-EHT!"
J'Vik didn't move the entire time, pheromones of anger rolling off of him.
The three barely mature females sniffed the air and perked up, clicking their mandibles and rubbing their bladearms together in excitement. One dipped the tip of her bladearm in the ice cream in front of her and carefully cleaned it as she stared at J'Vik's head.
When the laughter died J'Vik slowly looked around, then back at T'Nok.
"You're caste..." he started loudly.
"We're the same birth-caste, J'Vik," T'Nok answered slightly louder. T'Nok held up his gripping hands and flexed his fingers.
"Insult is only taken never given," T'Nok quoted back.
"How dare you insult me in such a manner," J'Vik said. "That quote is not meant for someone intentionally insulting someone the way you have."
"Put up," T'Nok said, raising his gripping hands and flexed his fingers. He flexed his wrists. "Or shut up," T'Nok finished.
J'Vik clattered out of the booth. "A Gripping Hand Challenge it is, then, T'Nok. In the parking lot. Right now."
"Traditionally I would choose the location," T'Nok said, moving out of the bench seat. "But that's fine with me."
J'Vik was opening and closing his gripping hands, obviously trying to impress everyone with his grip.
The matrons, mature females, and the three just mature females all hurried out of the ice-cream parlor with almost unseemly haste. The mixing of anger pheromones of two males making the veins in their wings flush with blood.
Even the waitresses and ice cream sculptors came out.
The males of course, hung back. Not wanting to get involved.
A matron, a half-dozen small hatchlings hanging on her abdomen, moved forward with grace and elegance. She sniffed at the air, tasting the anger pheromones in the air.
"Can this only be settled by challenge and not a cigarette and conversation?" She asked. "Perhaps a cigarette or two will mask the scent of your anger and allow you to discuss your emotions with more cultural maturity than you are feeling now?"
"If J'Vik wishes to submit I will accept," T'Nok said, looming over the smaller warrior-caste male.
Several of the females breathed deep.
"Insulted I have been
"Words cutting most cruel
"I will not remain
"Insulted without response," J'Vik quoted poetry that made several of the females snicker. He looked around almost smugly. "I created that."
More giggles and J'Vik went rigid.
"Gripping hand challenge it is," the matron said. The little ones one her back raised up their bladearms in joy, their immature minds reacting to the angry pheromones in the air.
One had ice-cream on his head, between his eyes.
T'Nok held still as J'Vik moved into position. They locked hands, interlacing fingers. Their bladearms clashed, held away from each other's bodies and pointed away from one another.
The matron lifted up a handkerchief and waved it between the two males.
Several cars had stopped to watch. Challenges were exciting to witness. They were less common over the last few centuries, but still occured with enough frequency that they could not be outlawed.
The handkerchief fell from her hand and danced away on the breeze. The larger of the three just-mature females hurried over and picked it up, bringing it to her face and inhaling deeply as she moved back over to her friends and passed it to the next biggest one.
T'Nok didn't notice. He just locked his wrists and tensed his fingers as he pushed out and down with his bladearms.
You're grip is nothing. I used to play this with my drunk frat-brothers in Bongistan, T'Nok thought to himself as the other male squeezed tightly, attempted to twist T'Nok's wrists backward, and pushed ineffectively with his bladearms.
Getting a Doctorate in Architectural Engineering with a minor in Materials Science had required over a decade of study, and during that time T'Nok had tempered his natural aggressiveness by socializing with his Terran Descent Human school mates.
A matron tittered as J'Vik had to open his wings slightly to breathe as he kept struggling to move T'Nok's wrists or bladearms.
"Yield," T'Nok ordered. The sun was shimmering down, warming him, and the sweetness of the day's nitrogen level gave him strength.
"No," J'Vik's feet ground against the tarmac as he attempted to lean into the gripping contest. The way his back feet scrabbled on the pavement made several females giggle and the smell of his anger increased.
T'Nok began to bring his hands forward, squeezing tightly.
He knew that J'Vik had figured that T'Nok's grip would be weak, that T'Nok spent his days working with architecture and computer programs.
T'Nok also shaped the crystal of his creations with his own hands rather than robots. The tiny imperfections is what gave his works their beauty.
J'Vik's hands began to bend back and his bladearms were forced down and outward to the point of pain and still T'Nok just stared at the other male as he increased the pressure.
J'Vik's legs gave out and he crashed to the ground, giving a high keen of pain. T'Nok released his hands and stepped back as J'Vik moaned and lifted his hands and arms protectively against his thorax. The thick sour smell of defeat emanated from defeated male.
The matron stepped forward, an ornate and bejeweled power-smoker held up to her mandibles with one beringed hand as she inhaled deeply and expelled smoke from her legs and abdomen. The smoke covered the two males, wiping away the smell of anger, contention, and defeat.
"Thank you, your grace," T'Nok told the wealthy matron.
"Of course," she replied. The little ones on her abdomen raised their bladearms and gave small shrieks of victory to him.
"And thank you, little ones," T'Nok said.
The three just matured females, their just-molted carapaces shining and glittering in the sun, rushed forward to comfort J'Vik.
The gathered Treana'ad moved back into the ice cream parlor, gossiping about what they'd just seen, many of them showing one another the recordings they'd made of the contest, admiring one another's angles or artistic filters.
T'Nok was thinking. He had been struggling with nitrogen release in the garden of the birthing chamber. Enough to encourage the eggs to hatch and the grubs to mature, but not exposing it to the air or depend too much on computerized systems.
Tantervellian ferns. They uptake, fix, and release nitrogen on a steady pattern, he mused as he returned to his table.
The ice cream parlor's central air system had cleared away the heavy pheromones of anger and T'Nok sat down, moving the holo-emitter from next to the radio to the center of the table. He transferred his planning file to the holo-emitter and idly moved things around with one bladearm as he slowly ate and savored his ice cream.
J'Vik left with the three females, who were comforting and praising him. One of them had a fancy hover-disc, painted bright attention getting hyper-blue with ultra-violet accents. All four of them sat on the comfortable seats and the bigger female activated the privacy screen as the hover-disc floated away.
Paying attention to his work, T'Nok didn't notice J'Vik leaving or the interested looks from the females. He went through another bowl before he was finished, leaning back and looking at the chamber. The ferns provided just the right edging. The grubs, which would burrow under the ground and eat roots, would avoid the ferns due to dirt, sticking to the sand of the middle of the chamber.
It would give the chamber the right nitrogen cycle in the right levels without requiring HVAC systems that the matron was concerned might harm her grubs.
On the way home, relaxing in his hover-disc, one of the public warning billboards caught his eye.
J'Vik was featured prominently.
Below him a scrolling banner read: "UNCONTROLLED EMOTIONS KILL! DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD LIKE HE DID! 836 LOST IN THIS CITY THIS WEEK ALONE! SMOKING SAVES LIVES!"
Right as he passed the huge sign a stamp appeared across J'Vik.
"DON'T BE THAT GUY!"
T'Nok laughed all the way home.
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[SPOILERS FOR ALL S01] In-depth breakdown and commentary - S01E07 "The Day That Was"

S01E01 - We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals breakdown
S01E02 - Run Boy Run breakdown
S01E03 - Extra Ordinary breakdown
S01E04 - Man on the Moon breakdown
S01E05 - Number Five breakdown
S01E06 - The Day That Wasn't breakdown
Hello, I'm back with another analysis! Unmarked spoilers for all of S01 follow, so last chance to back out. Please, no untagged spoilers for the comics if you have read them - I would like to read them after the show has run its course. Also, now that we're getting more S02 information, please spoiler tag this as well if you are posting about it below.
Once again, I'm posting this for discussion, so if you have any insights, corrections, comments, feedback, etc. please post it below! Breakdown for S01E08 will be up on the 15th July, around noon GMT.
Thanks for taking part!
  • Title meta: So this is the episode where we see how Five's return to 2019 affected the timeline; the events of "The Day That Wasn't" have ceased to exist. Some things remain the same, but many things have changed.
  • Pogo returns to voice over the sequence explaining Harold/Leonard's childhood, just like he narrated RH gathering his adopted children. However, although I can see Pogo knowing of the events of the children's birth and procurement, there's no real reason for Pogo to know about Harold Jenkins's past. Maybe he did some research of his own after Five brought back that Commission directive? Or maybe RH ordered Pogo to have a sticky beak in response to Harold speaking to RH outside the Academy? Or is this part of the weird, long-running implication that RH knows way more about the future and the events of the Apocalypse than anyone else?
  • Lol, all of that machine beeping when Harold's mum codes must have been added in post. The nurses and doctors should have reacted far quicker to the beeping.
  • The Jenkins family home is Leonard's house in the present. Explains why a dude with a woodworking shop that hardly seems open or particularly successful has a pretty big house not too far from the city. It's kinda horrific he can even bear to live here, with the abuse his father inflicted on him, and this being where his dad met his end. Anyway, this goes some way to explain why he's apparently comfortable with stashing Helen's body in his own attic (S01E05) - after all, he bumped dearest daddy off just downstairs!
  • I assume Dr. Terminal wasn't just a baddie from the comics little Harold was reading, but an actual nemesis for the Umbrella Academy gang in their heyday? Either way, in little Harold's fantasies, he's saving the Umbrella Academy kids from him, knocking them out (pretty violently, with "Bang!" vocal side-effects!) with the figure that represents himself. A microcosm of what he eventually does for Vanya.
  • Can I just say, the casting for the kid versions of the characters is fantastic? They totally look like they de-aged the adult actors to play them.
  • Aha, the Hargreeves figurine that he'd always wanted as a kid, advertised on the back of this comic. Look at the figurine bases in the picture - it's a white disc with an umbrella on it. When adult Harold/Leonard pinches RH's figurine from the Academy, it's got an umbrella base. But Harold's figures don't have this disc, as you can clearly see when they're piled on the kitchen table, and later on, when they're displayed on the little purple paper mat up in the attic. I think he might have made his own figurines like he made one of Vanya.
  • Harold's dad seemed loving and well-adjusted in his first scene - it seems that he crawled into a bottle to cope with the death of his wife and his son being a reminder of what he'd lost.
  • Little dude's cosplay is pretty amazing for his age and for accuracy. He's even taken a dark jumper and sewn coloured diamonds onto it to mimic the diamond pattern on the UA kids' woollen jumpers. And he wears the cardboard mask to cover his blackening eye where his dad backhanded him.
  • Hermes the Rolls-Royce makes another appearance.
  • Luther riding shotgun next to RH, as Number One. Didn't think RH drove himself anywhere; I always thought he'd have a chauffeur.
  • Can four kids buckle up in the back seat of a Rolls? (Five isn't in this scene, seems he's already gone at this point.) Sounds a bit implausible. We saw the Rolls before in S01E05, when Klaus flipped Hazel the bird from the back seat as they drove off; seemed like only three adults would fit in the back. Doubt RH cares if the kids buckle up anyway.
  • It seems Luther was very popular, with a lot of fans having crushes on him, judging by all the posters and the hearts on them. There's a magazine in S01E01 showing Luther with a space helmet, so I assume one of their earlier missions involved Luther going to space and that's why he's called Spaceboy. Also explains why RH sent him to the moon as an adult - he may have wanted to evoke the times when Luther was young and wildly successful. However, adult Luther's realisation that the four-year space mission was a bust in S01E06/7 probably undermined these earlier missions in Luther's perception as well.
  • Aww, little Harold has a suitcase! He thought RH would take him in. Too bad he didn't know RH is an unrelenting dickhead.
  • Of course the UA member of whom Harold is their "biggest fan" is Allison. I'm sure he's wished a billion times for the ability to rumour his dad into not drinking or abusing him. edit: must have taken him everything he had to act casual around Allison as an adult.
  • And of course Luther's the one who steps in when little Harold grabs Allison's wrist.
  • The actors for the UA kids look older and bigger than little Harold's actor, despite them all being the same age in-universe - possible that this is on purpose, to make Harold look smaller at the same age. (Possible implication that little Harold was not being fed as well as he should have been? On the other hand, adult Harold is kinda short himself, only a little taller than Vanya, whereas Luther and Allison are both taller as adults.)
  • "You have no power. You never will have power. Now, go home... A little word of advice, my boy. Not everyone in this world can have power. Chasing something unattainable is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment." - RH's words to little Harold. Fuck, what terrible things to say to anyone, let alone a kid being horribly abused by the one person who should be his biggest support. And Harold/Leonard, as well as Vanya, do go on to experience a shit-ton of disappointment and resentment. Enough to kick-start the apocalypse. I also want to point out the difference in words between little Vanya and little Harold - in S01E01, he tells Vanya, "I'm afraid there's nothing special about you," when she asks why she can't play with the others, but doesn't outright say that she doesn't have any power, like he tells Harold. edit: The other thing is, Harold did end up having power, although he didn't go about it in a nice way at all. (Did he have a choice as a kid, though? As an adult, however, he is entirely responsible.) He never really grew up from that kid who managed to stop his own abuse by killing his dad. When all you have is a hammer, everything starts looking like a nail. Bang!
  • Ew, RH only puts his hand on Harold's shoulder to later grab him and bodily eject him from his property. Now there's at least two adults in this kid's life who were physically abusive.
  • Funny, the hammer's already on the kitchen table. Weird place for a hammer.
  • So as you hear the blows and Harold's dad's legs jerk, look behind the head of the chair he's lying in. There's noone behind it. Kinda darkly funny imagining the actor casually acting out some death throes on his own.
  • Harold's uniform with gore on it reminds me a little of Ben in the bank robbery mission (S01E01). The two kids have entirely opposite reactions to it though.
  • So Harold got twelve years. Assuming he's slightly older than Five at this point, maybe closer to 14? He'd get out of prison at about 25-26 years of age. Also, isn't twelve years a long sentence for a little kid who killed his abuser?
  • Harold's still obsessed with the Umbrella Academy - he still reads the comics and has his cardboard mask. (Surely not the same one he was wearing when he killed his dad.)
  • Despite the immediate cut to a copy of the March 24th newspaper, identical to the one Five looks at when he lands in 2019 (S01E01), three or four years have passed since he got out of prison. Harold seems to have also made the pilgrimage to the Academy block, like the siblings did, either in response to what he's read in the paper, or because he has a habit of lurking around near the Academy.
  • Let's read this new page from RH's book:
#00.04 Conjuring Incident 06/16/01 (note: Klaus would have been eleven years old.)
I found that number four was simply not progressing in his abilities to conjure the non-living. He seems to not want to embrace this power. I sped up that ability tonight by locking him in the mausoleum overnight. Hypothetically he is seeing gore and death, but to be effective he must become desensitised to this.
Notes from [unreadable]
  • Klaus resistant
  • More fearful than I've ever seen him
  • Trying to squeeze himself through gated bars. Appears to be seeing if he has another super power he doesn't know about. (note: a very dark lol)
  • 00:36 Appears to have made first contact with dead spirits
[unreadable] into exercise, #00.04 seems [unreadable] with dead spirits [unreadable]
  • This page seems to be describing Klaus' mausoleum flashback we saw in S01E04, but from RH's perspective. The adjacent page seems to be ranking Number Four's (I assume) tendencies and qualities.
  • And here's our title card, the inside cover page with an old-timey candle and an old-fashioned umbrella logo, with the words "Ex Libris Reginald Hargreeves" underneath. (Means "From the library of (or "property of") Reginald Hargreeves". Harold/Leonard must have felt like all his birthdays and Christmases had come at once.)
  • And back to the present day, Wednesday 29th March, just past 8:15am.
  • It's only because Five makes the meeting and they start gabbing about "Harold Jenkins" that Leonard gets spooked and whisks himself and Vanya far away to his granny's cabin. She never even gets the chance to change her clothes from the morning - she is wearing the same shirt, coat and scarf when Leonard's beating triggers her powers later this episode.
  • We see Vanya's little street-side temper tantrum again. Five landing doesn't change that because he doesn't arrive at the Academy until after she leaves.
  • I'm gonna assume Five caught the shrapnel wound from the grenade that blew up the suitcase storage room. He was behind a brick wall for the one that blew up the Handler in the pneumatic tube room.
  • How the shit does Five know Allison's kid's name? I wonder if he checked out some of those celebrity magazines sometime over the last few days. Either way, his little speech is the turning point for the new timeline. Instead of going their seperate ways, he gets Diego and Allison on board by giving each of them what they want. Luther was on board already, although he's focused on RH and the Moon mission, Diego wants to hunt down Hazel and Cha-Cha and Five's just explained that the Harold Jenkins directive was originally supposed to be sent to Hazel and Cha-Cha and that they're trying to maintain the apocalypse in the timeline - best way to find them then is to find Jenkins, and kick them in the teeth by stopping the apocalypse from happening. Five's also offered Allison the chance to save her daughter as well as billions of others from the apocalypse.
  • "Klaus, you're with me." Aww. Since Klaus saved his bacon in S01E05, Diego's surprisingly okay with Klaus being his point man. Start of the season, he was rolling his eyes and sighing when Klaus tags along.
  • Piano music from the cubby house flashback scene last episode comes back as Allison looks back at Luther.
  • I find it very annoying that the suitcase Five brings back with him is never seen or discussed again. He could have brought this with him to the final showdown in S01E10 and not have to risk de-aging his brothers and sisters during time-travel.
  • It kind of frustrates me that Hazel's and Cha-Cha's story is no different despite the time skip, unlike everyone else's story. And strange, because whereas the siblings' actions are changed by the events that Five went through, Hazel and Cha-Cha's timelines do not change significantly despite Five being the one to send them their contracts and meddle with their timeline. (Before you say that it's because he programmed the pneumatic system to send it forward in time to them, there's still a timeline, before they get those orders, where Hazel and Cha-Cha have not been ordered to take each other out yet and they're still working against Five.) To me it feels like there was a missed opportunity here, perhaps to explore in a bit more detail what exactly Cha-Cha's deal is re: Hazel (Was she holding a torch for him? If so, it comes a little out of nowhere to me...)
  • We know that Five has sent the messages back in time using the pneumatic system to Hazel and Cha-Cha respectively - we see Cha-Cha receive her orders in the motel room in S01E06 and Hazel gets his at the same time from the vending machine in S01E07. Cha-Cha thinks Hazel has no idea, and Hazel thinks Cha-Cha has no idea. Is this what Five was planning? Did he know they would receive it at the same time when the other was not in ear-shot? (Maybe the system recognises whose name you send it under, makes sure no-one else is around when you get the message?)
  • Check out Five wincing in the car. An extra reason to quickly blink in and out with Jenkins' file.
  • When he says he "literally just did this yesterday", I think he means the grenades from the Handler's office? Or has Five tried this day before, royally fucked up, and used the briefcase to try again? Perhaps he's literally been in the precinct before. Would explain how he knows Claire's name. Getting lots of Edge of Tomorrow vibes here. Fantastic movie by the way, highly recommend. Don't google it, you'll ruin it for yourself, just watch it and thank me later.
  • Just noticed Diego isn't in his vigilante get-up. That thing needs to be taken outside and burnt. It has clung to existence for far longer than any normal set of clothes should. End its suffering, I beg you.
  • Seriously, cool blue jacket, Diego. Matches your sling.
  • Here's Allison leaving the message Vanya will only hear in S01E09, another new thing that didn't happen in S01E06's timeline. Five leaning against the wall in the background, crossing his arms and surreptitiously supporting his gut wound.
  • Luther back at the Academy, finding out RH never looked at any of his moon reports. This scene is slightly different to that in S01E06, in that he pulls out a pack that says "Day 575 - Day 599". Pogo is still present but Allison is no longer there to pull him out of his funk, and he starts drinking instead.
  • edit: When Luther finds the Moon mission material, still sealed, it rocks his whole world. For so long, he's been hanging on to the idea that RH saved his life for a reason, that as deformed as he is, he has a future purpose. Finding those reports blows that out of the water. If RH didn't want to see him anymore, why didn't he just let Luther die instead of saving him so he could never look at him again? That's the conclusion Luther reaches in this timeline, without Allison to balance him out a bit and help him look forwards instead of backwards.
  • Klaus ends up asking Luther, the only other siblings in the house, to tie him up, since Diego is out.
  • Lol, Klaus talking of RH in the present tense, saying he'll be so pissed Luther's broken into his liquor cabinet. Death doesn't mean much to Klaus.
  • Klaus trying to motivate Luther, what a reversal. Bet Klaus has never seen Luther so fucked up.
  • Klaus has probably looked up to him his whole life, seen him as a leader, been bossed about by Luther countless times, wished he had Luther's powers instead of the terrifying ones he has. Klaus would choose to be Luther, massive ape body or not, any day of the week and twice on Sundays. And this dude is now crying like a little child on his shoulder.
  • Klaus is so fucking empathetic though. This dude has just tried to choke him. And as soon as Luther reveals how broken he is, how much he detests himself, how much he thinks his dad detests him - Klaus is suddenly angry on his behalf at RH.
  • Very much here for actively-withdrawing Klaus encouraging Luther to put away the drink, and refusing to procure drugs for him. Not that that stops Luther going out to try and get them anyway.
  • We return to Hazel and Cha-Cha's scene in the forest, but from Hazel's perspective. The earlier dialogue in the S01E06 scene is repeated as a voiceover. Turns out Hazel was not trying his shoe, but surreptitiously loading his gun. He was thinking about taking her out as well, doing what the Commission told him, but really, he doesn't want to be extracted, he wants to stay here in this time with Agnes. Cha-Cha thinks he's talking about running away with her, but he's actually talking himself out of killing Cha-Cha and running away from the Commission with Agnes.
  • Cha-Cha thinks his pileated woodpecker analogy "the male will bring his partner food to show he can provide" is about her, which is why she lets him go get dinner and probably why she goes to get something for him as well!
  • Diego, Allison and Five at Leonard's place. Fuck, he's still wearing his vigilante pants. Wear something else, buddy! Give those poor pants a chance in the washing machine with a whole lot of washing liquid and probably some antiseptic. And check out Five's right sided limp! Gallagher's such a good actor...
  • Five subtly pulls himself up the front stairs using the railing, not putting too much weight on that right side.
  • I can't believe Diego just busts in the front door like that. Vigilante brain fart. Allison did a better job in S01E04.
  • Vanya and Leonard have left for the cabin by now, they're not in the house.
  • Diego finds a flyer for Vanya's concert on the fridge.
The ICARUS THEATRE presents
ST. PLUVIUM CHAMBER ORCHESTRA
A wildly anticipated Chamber Music Performance featuring the City's most acclaimed musicians
Introducing Principal Violin
VANYA HARGREEVES
All concerts will be held at the Icarus Theatre, Borough 4
For more information, please call the Icarus Theatre Box Office on 555-0192, or visit us in person 10am to 4pm daily.
General Admission: $25 per Attendee
  • A picture of Vanya in her orchestra tails, holding her violin completes the flyer. She looks happier than the picture of her on the back of her memoir. And it's probably, what, the third picture of her possibly ever taken?
  • Looks like the concert on the 1st April was to be the first in a run of performances in the Icarus Theatre. Still, dumb that the flyer doesn't mention a range of dates.
  • St. Pluvium. Funny name, huh? Well, I had a theory about this that I posted to theumbrellaacademy. The motto for the Umbrella Academy is Ut Malum Pluvia (which is supposed to mean "When Evil Rains", the implication being that the Umbrella Academy have you covered). Pluvium and pluvia are just forms of the same Latin root for 'rain'. Wouldn't put it past filthy rich, dear old Papa to sponsor the local orchestra to take Vanya on, ensure she wouldn't move too far away and he could keep an eye on her, make sure she's filling those scripts... I also wonder if RH noticed that rain often accompanies Vanya's use of her powers? And possibly even more far-fetchedly, did RH consider her at least part of the 'evil' (malum) that the Academy motto refers to, that the Academy is supposed to protect others against?
  • Diego, Allison and Five conclude that Harold Jenkins is after the members of the Umbrella Academy, and that it was never about Vanya at all. Hoooo boy. You're right and you're bloody wrong in the same breath. Unfortunately, he took RH's book with him to the cabin, so they don't find it at his place.
  • Leonard and Vanya at the cabin. Looks like Harold's dad kept his abuse under wraps at Grammy's place. That is such an uncomfortable photo though.
  • "You spend your life trying to forget about the crap you went through as a kid, and then the second you step back in, you feel just as insignificant." This is Leonard playing Vanya like she plays her violin. Vanya relates entirely to this. Her family have just excluded her, again, just as she tries to include them in her life. She thinks Leonard is dredging up bad memories by walking back into this cabin. But Leonard, right now, he's aware, based on what the Umbrella Academy guys were saying while he swiped that RH figure, that Harold fucking Jenkins has something to do with the apocalypse, but they don't know who he is. They said his real name. Him. The Umbrella Academy are worried about him. He's feeling mighty important right now, and probably even more committed to turning Vanya into an unstable angry bomb that he can lob at the Umbrella Academy. If he can't be a hero with them, he'll become their nemesis and goddamn destroy them.
  • "I can't even say it. I can't even wrap my head around it. There's-" I wonder if Vanya's next words were "it's like there's a block in my head" or words to that effect. Wonder if that's Allison's rumour working away.
  • And the pan out reveal that they're in the middle of bloody nowhere, some kind of forest near a lake. Note the sounds as they zoom out, the trees, the birds, the windchimes. Is this Vanya's absurdly sharp hearing/sense of soundwaves manifesting? We see later in S01E08 that she can somehow hear the cabin's windchimes from deep in the forest.
  • Here's Hazel laying it all out for Agnes. And amazingly she takes him at face-value. What a wonderful person.
  • The thing that sent Hazel rogue was the Commission ordering him to kill his partner. Even if he may not like Cha-Cha the same way he does Agnes, he still cares for her.
  • Aww, Hazel and Agnes are so cute together! Unfortunately, Cha-Cha is watching from around the corner.
  • Klaus has ditched his coat because he's overheated and sweaty from the withdrawal. Note everyone else outside walking past being in coats and the like. It's not an obviously warm night. Klaus is also scratching at his arms.
  • Ben's appeared for some moral support!
  • So judging by Klaus' apologies immediately after he says it, apparently Ben's death was caused by not being prepared for "the real world". I dunno, maybe I'm taking it too literally, but we know basically jack shit about Ben's death... I'm taking this as a tiny clue, okay?
  • Allison and Diego hauling Five home between them. And Grace appears once more. I like the reversal of Grace now walking through the atrium and Diego seeing her in the living room, as opposed to how it was in S01E06.
  • There's a nice revolving shot around Klaus here as he enters the rave - Ben can't be seen from the back as he walks in, but as the camera rotates to Klaus' front, you see Ben next to him.
  • Man, after Vietnam, a rave with its thumping, reverberating beats and bright flashes of light must be the last place Klaus wants to be, and even more so because he's withdrawing hard.
  • Lol, the simultaneous 'holy shit' from Klaus and Ben on seeing shirtless Luther dancing his butt off. Remember Klaus (and Ben by extension) hasn't yet seen what he looks like under all the layers; he was high and then kidnapped away by Hazel in S01E03.
  • Wow, high Luther. He's a happy carefree guy. Also, "Brother!!" That's a meme, right?
  • Lo and behold, Klaus' battle PTSD kicks in. And he commando crawls after the E he just flung away (because he didn't want Luther to take it!) to try and get it to stop.
  • Can I just say, if they really truly want to recast Jack Sparrow, I think the only one who could maybe pull it off might be Robert Sheehan. I could probably come to terms with that at some point.
  • Perfect timing for Klaus' (and Dave's?) dog tags to fall out of his singlet. So sad that the only way Klaus sees Dave in this timeline is in a hallucination. I think he's got the E in his hand, but he thinks it's Dave. In a roundabout way, his desire to see Dave is stopping him from taking the pill.
  • Allison must have checked Vanya's apartment and got no response. Also, her music school says she bunked off her lessons today. I have no idea how Leonard convinced Vanya to do that, although she was very angry after seeing her siblings, maybe her redirected that into leaving everything behind for a few days and getting away from it all. Maybe offered his cabin as a practice area for the concert? Wish she brought it up later on, the fact that he made her miss her classes.
  • Lol, Diego and Luther both said the other was right about leaving/not leaving the Academy (their argument in Five's room, continued in the library in S01E04) in the space of a single episode.
  • "Vanya needs you." Wow. That's the first time Diego admits Vanya is in some serious fucking shit. Aaaaand it's the last time anyone other than Allison expresses concern about Vanya being with a murderer with a grudge against the Umbrella Academy, before she returns to the Academy in S01E09.
  • So Beeman's first name is Chuck, huh? Charles Beeman.
  • Some weird ass light blue cop cars there.
  • Vanya and Leonard at the lake. "Vanya, you've seen what people with power can do. They can stand up for those who can't defend themselves." Makes me think of RH's words to young Harold about power. It also reminds me that Leonard's planning for some guys to beat him up later on, setting up for Vanya to save him with her power.
  • "What am I supposed to do, like, stare really hard? Am I supposed to point my fingers-" Oh my god, she's taking the mickey, look at that fucking smirk. I swear Magurro nearly cracks a smile too, look at him purse his lips and look down.
  • I'm getting some "Luke at Dagobah trying to lift his x-wing" vibes from this scene - at least until Vanya starts fucking giggling. First time we actually see her laugh properly.
  • Leonard knows that the Umbrella Academy are looking for him and Vanya and that he doesn't have much time to enact his revenge. This explains why he's suddenly so frustrated by Vanya not being very motivated to find her power, and why he kicks the plan up a gear by organising for him to be bashed up.
  • Lol, Hazel's trying to write an explanatory letter to Cha-Cha as to why he's gonna run away that night. It might run something like "Dear Cha-Cha, I love Agnes. It's not you, it's me. I wish you all the best in life. Yours, Hazel."
  • Another nice revolving shot, with Hazel disappearing behind the motel window curtain as Cha-Cha strides in, silenced pistol in hand. And I like how the rave thumping restarts with Hazel knocking Cha-Cha out with the butt of his pistol.
  • Don't worry, Klaus only kissed the E tablet when he picked it up, he never ate it. He noticed that dude coming for Luther with a bat... is that his new tactical awareness coming to the fore? Old Klaus missed the Academy getting raided right in front of him in S01E03.
  • And Klaus hits the concrete head first. Apparently mediums don't become ghosts, they just go straight to meet god. Why is his shirt of all things the only thing that's not black and white here?
  • "I need you so I can pick and choose." What the fuck does this mean, god?? Either way, all the conversations in this afterlife sequence have a vague, dreamlike quality to them. It feels like an actual dream, where you only think about how ridiculous something is afterwards.
  • Lol, Klaus has some ideas for creation. God doesn't want to know.
  • "Nite Owl" is a weird name for a barbershop.
  • There are six pictures on the wall behind Klaus as he sits in the chair. At first, the assumption is that these are the six members of the Umbrella Academy. At first we get a closer look at the first three: and it's Luther, Diego and then RH. Okay, so it's the other five UA members and RH. Then you see the fourth picture - it's Dave. I can make out a tie on the fifth picture, I believe it's Five, and I'm going to guess that the sixth one is Ben. I think that since this is a barbershop, only the males' pictures are on the walls.
  • Klaus sitting in the chair reminds me of the umbrella gang getting their tattoos.
  • The whole barbershop thing seems to me like a reflection of how RH sees his role with the kids - he was grooming them, shaping them, polishing them. He sees this as caring for them. However, the kids slowly came to the realisation that he wasn't really a dad to them, more a clinical presence who moulded them as he saw fit. He had the straight razor, he could help you and hurt you in the same breath, and you were at his mercy. He roughly shoves Klaus around as he shaves him. RH is like a barber who makes you look good, but your relationship with him is only as deep as your hair, it's certainly not emotional. And you're a wreck underneath the superficial perfection he's forced on you.
  • RH's suggestion that there's more to his power gets to Klaus. From the page that we see when Leonard is holding RH's book in the dumpster, earlier this episode, we see that he has wished and apparently attempted to manifest other powers. And now RH tells him he's only scratched the surface?
  • Klaus says that RH locked him in the mausoleum at thirteen. But RH's book says that Klaus was eleven at the time of the exercise. Problem is, little Klaus in the mausoleum and Klaus in, say, the bank robbery in S01E01, are played by two different child actors, with mausoleum!Klaus looking younger than bank robbery!Klaus. My theory is that Klaus has had to suffer this multiple times at different ages, and the first instance of RH doing so may have been younger than even eleven. We know Klaus has been on drugs of one kind or another since he was at least thirteen (if not younger), it's possible Klaus' recall of events is a little hazy.
  • Klaus manages to castigate RH for his treatment of Luther. Fuck, I think Klaus would have punched him if he knew what RH had done to Vanya.
  • "Is he okay?" RH sounds genuinely vulnerable as he asks this. Fucking idiot. I hate these kinds of fuckers, well-intentioned extremists. Fuck RH.
  • RH subtly draws his razor across his neck as Klaus comes to the realisation that he killed himself to reunite the Umbrella Academy.
  • Finally, first-hand evidence that RH knew that the apocalypse was coming. Certain implications throughout the season, though, suggest that he knew more than just the date of the apocalypse, but how it was going to happen...
  • Arrrgh, why can't dead people get to the point?? Was RH gonna tell Klaus about Vanya??
  • Lol, the bouncers kicked Luther out. And the lady from S01E01 and S01E04 is back! She doesn't have her glasses here.
  • Right, this scene and the scene where Vanya recalls the bashing and grimly admits to herself that she's got powers... probably some of my favourite scenes in the whole season. They pulled out the CGI stops here. (I mean, still a bit hinky but leaps and bounds better than normal TV CGI.)
  • Leonard and Vanya walk out of the restaurant, arms around each other. She's much happier now Leonard's not forcing her to investigate her powers. Note her scarf draped loosely around her neck.
  • When the guy says "we'll trade you the car for the girl", Vanya speaks up. "Get off the car and leave us alone." She would never have done this a couple of days ago. Remember her talking to Helen?
  • Note the rain starts almost immediately after that one guy slaps her ass, and just before Leonard gets hit. Jesus Christ, the rain has to be fucking linked to her powers.
  • Increasing thunder coincides with Vanya's screams of "Leonard!" and "Stop it!!" as the guys beat him up, and the rain is suddenly furiously pelting down. (Fuck, it must have been fucking freezing out there filming this. Page and Magurro and those actors playing the thugs must have been sopping wet, bone-cold and pissed off when this scene wrapped. Thanks, guys.)
  • Vanya changes tack and starts screaming for help. And instantly we hear that high-pitched tuning fork noise. The guy who was restraining her before is now helping the others kick the living shit out of Leonard.
  • The way she steps forward... she doesn't rush forward and directly attack the guys. It's like everything's faded away and she was running forward to check on Leonard (the thugs have stopped whaling on him for a second) when she almost as an afterthought releases this burst of energy that sends two guys into nearby cars and the other straight into a brick wall. Also, her scarf is flung from her neck and flies towards the right of the screen. From S01E08, we know this lands high up on the restaurant sign and Allison ends up finding it. As soon as the energy burst has left her, she resumes her movement towards Leonard.
  • It was kinda nice of Leonard to ask those dudes to bash him up instead of Vanya, to get her powers to come out. Maybe his initial plan was to get her to attack the Academy when the umbrella gang hurt/killed Leonard? Perhaps the restaurant stunt was a pale copy of that, for Leonard to see if this would work? Perhaps this is how the apocalypse came about in Five's bleak future experience, with Luther dead with Harold/Leonard's gory eye in his fist. If this theory is correct, the restaurant attack was a success, because not only is Vanya now aware she is powerful enough to kill others, she'll be serious about discovering more about her powers. And Leonard has also established that she's not so uncontrolled that she'll attack him - as unintended as the energy burst in the carpark might have been, she managed to not touch Leonard at all despite killing two guys and putting the last in the hospital. (Unfortunately he didn't bank on Vanya finding RH's book in his things.)
  • Also, Page plays "absol-fucking-utely terrified" very well. Good job.
  • I must say, the whole season was pretty engrossing, but I think after Hazel knocked out Cha-Cha, I was just glued to my screen. The last bit of this episode and the remaining ones are just fantastic.
  • Cha-Cha is handcuffed to the radiator, glaring daggers at Hazel as he pleads his case. She's still convinced, even though she's seen him with Agnes and he says he's done with the job (and she already knows he's kinda sick of the job anyway) and he loves Agnes, that she can convince him to go back to how it was before, travelling the world and killing people, by finding the briefcase. The only issue is that she still has no reason to believe that the Commission will let both of them back. Even if Hazel goes back to how it was before, one of them will still have to kill the other according to the directives they received. So either she's lying to get him to free her, or she's got some serious cognitive dissonance going on.
  • She's also very, very personal about Hazel being with Agnes. She's never been this emotional or sweary before. She seems as close to tears as she could ever be. All I can think of is "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." To me, all of this suggests she's got at least a decent squish, if not an outright crush, on Hazel.
  • Hazel still can't shoot her, even though she's threatened to make him watch his girlfriend die slow before she kills him. Cha-Cha has got to know his heart isn't in the right place for this line of work any more.
  • Hazel takes her gun before he leaves the motel - he gives both his and her guns to Five in S01E08, to prove to Diego that Cha-Cha killed Patch and nothim.
  • "Exit Music (for a Film)" by Radiohead. This has gotta be a trope by now, I think a few other shows have used it as well. I think it's pretty effective here, since the peak is Vanya's understanding that she has powers and used them to hurt others really badly (it wasn't entirely unconscious, she was aware of it), and Leonard revealing that his right eye is gone, and that he's the owner of the prosthetic Five has been carrying for more than forty years (in fact, we see a quick shot of said eye on Five's bedside table during this very montage... he's still carrying it, even though he knows it can't help him reach its owner.).
  • Luther kisses the furryphile girl who's also been kicked out. We know they end up hooking up overnight, from the beginning of S01E08. (Hope sex ed was part of the curriculum at the Umbrella Academy!)
  • Allison drives unknowingly through the rain (possibly the same storm Vanya caused?) towards her sister, once again trying to save her from Leonard.
  • Why the fuck does Ben have a shadow? Ghosts in this universe are so fucking confusing. Either way, Ben is present and Klaus is still scratching at his arms, a good indication he is still stone-cold sober. That's a massive achievement.
  • Diego stuck in the precinct holding cell, sitting on the seat there, gives me a bunch of The Dark Knight feels. It feels like a tiny shoutout, but it's also showing Diego's frustration at being caged up when he has just about two days to find Hazel and Cha-Cha and make them pay for Patch. Oh, and stop the apocalypse. And find his other sister, who is apparently dating the guy who Five says will cause the apocalypse.
Got any comments/theories/discussion/suggestions? I'd love it if you could leave em below!
Breakdown for S01E08 will be up on the 15th July, around noon GMT. Thanks for taking part!
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Monster Chapter 51

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Hannah stood on the bridge looking out the windows at the station. She was amusing herself how something built entirely for function with no thought to what it looked like could end up actually pretty to look at. It was well known the Vexen only cared about art for the amount of money it would turn into. This station was a complex system which usually produces patterns and patterns hold their own appeal aside from their function.
They had argued a lot on the way here about what information they were going to release and Hannah sided with Jimir on this, all of it, everything they had on Humanity. She wanted the galactic public to know exactly what the people in power were poking with a stick. None of this information compromised humanity in any way, the Fed Navy had everything but Farmer's message to the Fed Navy. Hannah wanted the entire galaxy to understand that Humanity didn't want a war but if the Navy picked a fight all they could do was lose because they didn't even know where Human systems were let alone actually be able to touch one. The only thing held in reserve was the vaccine because that could be used as a weapon on people who thought they were getting the vaccine.
She had been down to the main cargo hold to watch the loading of the supplies. They had bought so much it wouldn't fit in the smaller holds and they were putting it in shipping containers and loading it in the main hold. She loved watching the cranes and gantries lift and turn and slide the containers until they finally had them in place. They had taken on years worth of supplies and fuel with the story they were going to sell all of this out in some new colony somewhere. If it was for sale on this station they bought it. She had worried they would raise suspicion buying so much but Jimir had assured her that speculation and supplying world rushes was a normal business. This made her think about the Old West homesteads and gold rushes. Families like hers that had walked out into the wilderness staked out their land claim and cut the prairie into bricks to build a house. The thought that this kind of thing was happening across the galaxy with her own people and the Federation made her mind swirl with the possibilities for her and her crew.
She had a good look at the hold with the docking bays, it could be used for a mix of cargo and ships. She had made up her mind that the fastest way to get what she wanted was to give everyone else exactly what they wanted, buyers remorse was their trouble not hers. Yes the coup had to go, let the scum that took their place be someone else's problem. She had a plan for these war mongers and couldn't wait to talk to Admiral Farmer about it. She had walked back up to the bridge humming a very old tune singing the words in her head. Day of judgement, God is calling. On their knees the war pigs crawling.
"Oh Lord Yeah."
Now she just had to wait for Mox to come aboard. Krelin had the security cameras inside the ship disabled so no one could hack them and see her. The external cameras were all needed still and functioning, she would occasionally glance over at the monitor showing the boarding tunnel when there was some movement. She made note of who came and went. Their normal routine was 8 marines inside the corridor so if anything did go wrong who ever tried boarding the ship got a nasty surprise and they got enough time to undock.
She saw Jimir come back aboard which left just Mox who was timing letting the spyders go when the ship was ready to leave.
Hannah was learning some of the tricks of the trade from Mox and Ashin. If the universe was happy coloring outside the lines Hannah saw no reason she shouldn't. She wanted to know how to use the spyders and who better to learn from than Ashin who wrote the one for changing your identity. Mox was letting a few extra spyders go today that only the two of them knew about. Mox wanted to be Mox again, something about not talking to the dead that Hannah didn't understand. The other was something for Hannah. She didn't care if the captains or Jimir found out she just wanted them to eat shit sandwiches awhile longer before she told them about her plan. Hell if she would leave her own ass out in the wind.
She felt the vibration through the window sill when they started the warm up on the sublight engines. Next would be the slow roll of the dynamo in the FTL engine. She saw Mox come up the boarding tube and it start to pull in. 15 minutes to undocking. She walked over to the command console and sat down next to Krelin, she was taking the controls today.
***
Hannah was sitting in the mess hall enjoying a midnight snack. She hadn't had to wear the suits in over 30 days and no one had died. She was still a neat freak about keeping herself clean and had spent a week scrubbing everything in her rooms several times. It was so nice to use the door with out the bioscrub. It was also nice to have someone else be able to braid her hair for her though honestly she still did it better than Mox could. Not for lack of trying though, everyone on the damn ship wanted to touch her hair.
The trip had taken 67 days but the next day they were going to drop out next to a big gas giant and head into the system and go down the well on a planet about the size of Korra with an atmosphere they could breath. The oxygen level would be low for a human at 17% but breathable and the methane and CO2 were lower than Earth so it would be like a trip to the Rockies.
They had a close call with the Fed Navy during one of the cooldowns but the Captain's Mistress had the latest generation FTL engine and was a fast spooler at 13 minutes for emergency jump. They were already spooling when the navy boat pinged them. They guessed starting the spool is what got them noticed.
Every one was a little nervous about the drop out in the system not knowing where they U.S.A.N. ships were in the system. They would risk dropping out a bit further out from the gas giant making them visible from a wider area but less risk of collision. Korin kept bugging Hannah about human comms, she tried to explain that she still didn't know why their comms weren't radios. He was obsessed with it for some reason but when he figured out she really didn't know anything about it he switched up to reminding her to ask Admiral Farmer if they could have a comm set. He could be really weird sometimes. She would ask but she had some things in mind she wanted to trade for that interested her a lot more than a radio.
***
They dropped out nice and slow made their turn and burn for decel. Hannah was at the comms station teasing Mr. Deamor.
"Ok but I thought it wasn't a radio but now you are calling it a radio. So why did I have to learn all that FTL crap if it is a radio?
Deamor shook his head and flushed a hint of blue.
"This is a broadband transceiver, radio is part of it's spectrum. That is a hyperspace uplink, it is not a radio."
"So what you are saying is we have 2 radios?"
No more hint he went blue. He handed her a headset that was 3 times to big.
"Talk."
She started talking in American.
"This is Hannah Oneill on the ship the Captain's Mistress, we are peaceful. Our destination is the 5th planet out."
They gave the shout every 5 minutes waiting for a reply. It was over an hour before one came.
"This is the U.S.A.S. Strider, maintain your current course and take up orbit around the 5th planet in the system."
"Orbit? We planned on going down the well, I haven't been off this tub in nearly 2 years. We would like to meet with Admiral Farmer but seriously I plan on doing it with dirt between my naked toes."
"Please take up an orbit and we will send someone out."
"You listen here, we are in Federation Space and I am a Federation citizen, I will land my boat on what ever fucking rock I want to around here. What is your name?"
Everyone on the bridge was trying to get her to stop, Krelin acted like he was going to reach for the headset but she gave him a look daring him to try.
A different voice came out of the radio.
"Miss Oneill this is Captain Pearson. What seems to be the issue?"
"Like I was telling the first guy we are not in United Sol Alliance Space, I don't answer to you so stop telling me what course I will hold and where I will orbit."
"Miss Oneill you are an unaccompanied minor and we have been instructed to take you into custody."
"Do you recognize the authority of the Federation Government in Federation Space?"
"I hardly find that relevant miss..."
"Well Captain I find it very relevant. I am a citizen of the Federation, I own this ship which is registered in the Federation and my legal guardian Mox Korig is standing right next to me. You board this ship it is an act of piracy under both Federation and United Sol Alliance law. If you would like I will transmit you copies of my title to the ship and my legal status paperwork?"
"Pleas hold for a few moments Miss Oneill."
Hannah was getting impatient, it had been over 20 minutes and everyone on the bridge was looking at her like they wanted some answers as well.
"Ok Miss Oneill I talked with the Admiral, he is 7 days out yet. He said he will deal with your status when he arrives. We are to transmit a chart of the planet with safe landing sites. Most of it is a jungle with poisonous plants and insects."
"Thank you Captain that will be much appreciated."
"We have had Stolm activity recently, the gas giant is eating up most of this conversation but we request that you not transmit on broadband or hyperspace. We will dispatch a company of marines for your protection."
"We have received the map, thank you. We are use to running dark Captain we only talked to you because we didn't want to risk being shot down and we want to speak with Admiral Farmer. I have Captain Korin Ahkor and Captain Agnar Krelin on board, they have business with the Admiral. As for the marines we don't need them but if you are going to send them send them with their own tents, they aren't coming on my ship."
"Yes Miss Oneill. Admiral Farmer will meet you on the planet he will radio the marines to notify you when he will arrive. Have a safe trip and if you decide to use one of the landing sites near the ocean stay out of the water."
"Thank you Captain have a nice day."
Korin looked like his head was going to explode. He had been watching the conversation on the translation app Ashin and Mox had made. As soon as he knew they weren't transmitting he started speaking so fast Hannah had a hard time keeping up.
"See, he just talked to Admiral Farmer 7 days out in less than 20 minutes. I bet the Admiral is in FTL, how the frack are they doing that?"
Deamor looked at him like he was insane.
"The Admiral was probably right there next to him and is just wanting to check us out with these marines before he comes to visit. You know damn well you can't talk to ships in FTL from realspace."
"Well you better tell the Humans that because they sure the frack do it, I know they do."
"This is why you shouldn't travel the void alone, it makes you fracking go insane."
Hannah walked over between them.
"Would you two shut up about this, I am so tired of hearing this argument."
***
If they had just been going into the system to fly through they could have made the trip in less than a day but going in for an approach for landing it took 3 to slow down enough. They were on the final approach and it wasn't what Hannah imagined it would be. They were going in tail first with the sublight engine roaring. When they hit the atmosphere it shook the ship so much she was terrified that they were crashing. The only real planet she had ever landed on was Korra and she wasn't conscious for that. Every other rock they had put down on while hiding didn't have atmospheres or very much gravity.
Gravity, she could feel real gravity. Because of the deceleration it actually went a bit higher than a Korra G. Hannah felt bad because she could tell it was uncomfortable for everyone else but oh it felt so good. They had picked a nice flat ish spot from the chart, nowhere near the ocean. They were going to tuck down in between some mountains for cover.
The landing was smoother than the flight, they were pretty close to hovering and the landing gear suspension adjusted to level them. Then the outriggers lowered to add some stability. Jimir told her they didn't know what the ground was like they might sink a bit because she was a very heavy girl. Hannah did not like the idea of coming down here, surviving all the shaking and rattling to die because the ship fell over.
When they were clear to unstrap she went over to the windows. There was grass, well kind of like grass but close enough. She thought they could just go down and lower the tube and go out. Nope, they had to run tests. First people out had to go in suits run the tests and then come back through the bioscrub. She didn't even know there was another airlock and boarding tube down below engineering. She wasn't going outside today.
Frack.
submitted by Fornicious_Fogbottom to HFY [link] [comments]

[Online Poker] Poker Forum Help Homeless Player Attempt The Shot of a Lifetime.

Link to Previous Tales From 2+2: Poker player steals $1m+ chips and tries to sell it on 2+2 poker forums More Tales From 2+2: A Very Controversial $70k prop bet If you or a friend are familiar with online poker and want to see the unedited version of this post then click here
Here's another Tales From 2+2 post, this one is a bit longer but well worth the read. It follows the story of an online poker player posting on the 2+2 online poker forums and that takes him on the ride of a lifetime. I have made some light edits so it's easier to understand for non poker players, my explanations are within [these brackets]. If you want to understand how to play the poker watch this 3 minute how to play poker video.

Still Booming

The year is 2010.
The effects of the 2003 poker boom are still being felt and Black Friday [Black Friday is when online poker was forced to shut down in the USA, it hit the industry hard] is a year away.
Americans, Europeans, Australians and almost the whole world are playing side by side on Pokerstars and Full Tilt [The two biggest online sites at the time]. Hundreds of people are signing up for poker sites each day. Tournament guarantees are at an all-time high. Poker sites’ pockets are overflowing and sites are offering generous bonuses and promotions. Poker TV is popular worldwide and Poker After Dark just entered its 6th season. The 2+2 poker forums are in full swing, it’s the epicenter of poker communication. Dozens of threads are made on popular subforums like NVG (News, Views and Gossip) or BBV (Beats, Brags and Variance) every day.
BBV is a subforum of 2+2 where the moderation is far laxer than the rest of the 2+2. People often create posts showing off their tournament wins or lamenting huge downswings. After the initial post is made, the trolls would descend and replies like this were often seen:
Colin_Piddle: Ur a clown OP
Tank Home & Away: Somebody call Donald Trump. OP thinks online poker is rigged.
FranFran: Shut up. Idiot.
Dave Coulier: LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLLOLOLOLOLOLOL

The BBV Post

On 20th Feb 2010 Jared Huggins, posting under RelaxedPrecision, visits BBV to vent his frustration over busting his meager roll playing 100nl HU:
RelaxedPrecision: Beat: HU vs drooler, lost my $100 bankroll ($100 table obv.)
He raised preflop every single hand including out of position.
Called 75% of my three bets with trash.
Only pot bet, regardless of board, his holdings, or position.
He is -$1132 in 2000 hands, -33/bb 100
We played 250 hands.
This guy was a corpse and I ran so cold it was insane. Only hitting any pair or a decent draw a couple of times. Twilight zone.
Brag: Not homeless again till the end of the month. Getting a third job today. This week I've begged for food at fast food joints and have scored two steak tacos and 1 piece of chicken.
[Jared is complaining that he lost the last of his poker bankroll, $100] The usual procedure in BBV is for the BBV regulars to berate the original poster, usually in meme form. Jared’s thread is no exception:
Sobad87: FAIIIIIIL, homeless shelters exist for a reason.
SmilingOrange: rock bottom itt
Sump: in b4 homeless
However, the thread takes a darker turn when Jared starts to post more details about his living and financial situation.
RelaxedPrecision: I'm 5 peanuts and 2 cups of water into my day. Finding some awesome links about food for broke people in LA. RelaxedPrecision: Last time round, 6 month period, I chose cruising the back streets near my job/sleeping in car, rather than driving hours per day to/from shelter and risking jail/car impoundaments/belongings confiscated.
Jared seems to be not only in dire poverty but also grinding microstakes [microstakes in poker is buying in for $2-10 dollars] for any cash he can get. He posts that the roll he lost was from a referral payment on a poker website but he cant’t withdraw it. The posters start to get a little more sympathetic:
FastPlaySlow: Wow. I feel bad for ya OP.
Kidlover: Keep your head up bro. Gimme a call if you want
A user named Airwave16 offers helps in his own way:
airwave16: create youtube vid of you dancing to around the world by daft punk in your boxers with a large sign that says "i love burningbend" and i'll ship you $30
Within 40 minutes Jared accepts this:
RelaxedPrecision: Never thought I'd do something like this, but I don't have much choice.
RelaxedPrecision: Don't want to go back to living in my car. Last month some guys tried to break into my car while I was inside of it. Terrible experience.
The next day, to the surprise of many he posts a video on Youtube of him around his room, just as Airwave16 asked. Unfortunately the video is lost to time but this small photo of the video remains. 2+2 posters start to show more compassion when they see how desperate Jared is for money:
mcfals02: Hilarious video. Hope you run good at life soon OP.
shikari424: If you've got a ftp [Full Tilt Poker,] account i'll ship something over bro[money could be sent between accounts], made me laugh
Ccuster_911 then offers a little more money for another challenge:
Ccuster_911 : Make a video of you going outside on the streets in LA offering people free HUGs(holding a sign ldo), I will ship you 30$, I want at least 10 random people being hugged
Others start to offer extra money to shoot this video:
cds0699: I'll chip in $10 for this.
Greeson08: $20 more here...$30 more if you paint yourself green before doing the hug thing.
Jared is very thankful for the support and lets his fellow posters know:
RelaxedPrecision: I'm really overwhelmed and surprised. Thank you guys so much, you have no idea how good it feels that people on 2+2 would reach out to me like this. I'm totally blown away. Thank you so much. This is one of the best things that has happened to me in a very long time.
Talked to the lady who rented me this room for 2 weeks. I got 5 days left here, then I'm back living in my car.
I am going to do everything in my power to get back on my feet. I am so close. Every suggestion, I will do. I'll dance for penny. I'll come to your house and clean your toilet. That's where my mind is at
A user asks for him to take a photo with ‘Free Pageh’ on his head, he posts this
swd805: that pic is disturbing
RelaxedPrecision: Mission accomplished.
Jared gives an insight into his mood while performing these tasks
RelaxedPrecision: Please do laugh at me. I laugh at myself as much as possible.
I cried twice. 1st when Airwave propositioned me and I felt different inside, like "time to get desperate man". It was a nasty feeling.
2nd time I cried, when I finished the video & began to ask myself whether or not I would do various things for $ & heard some of the answers in my head.
Both times I fought the tears back & realized I got no choice, need the $. So let's get some more ideas & keep this ball rolling. You guys are helping me, thank you
He also gives insight into his poor mental state and reveals that a 2+2 poster gave him a small stake [someone will send Jared money to play and Jared will split the profits]:
RelaxedPrecision: My friend (who's house I crashed at) is a pro MMA fighter , he lets me attend his MMA/BJJ class once a week. At class today, he yelled at me for doing a takedown wrong. I had a meltdown & broke down in tears in front of the class cuz I've barely eaten in 6 days. Shed 12 pounds this week. Just real drained.
Prop update: Got staked to play $5 Sit n Go's [a one table tournament] on FTP. 5 hours of play, up a few bucks.
4 days till I'm homeless again.
Jared tells a story and hatches a plan while working at his new job:
RelaxedPrecision: Today, this big husky girl with linebacker shoulders came in2 my job today to buy shoes...size 11. She looks exactly like a man. She had this big lady with her who told me the size 11 girl liked me. So I gave her my digits. I hope she calls me soon. If she calls me I'm going to try & seduce her & go live with her. Wherever she lives, I'm sure there's plenty of food.
Over the next few hundred posts the mood of the thread becomes caring and many people are asking Jared about his current lifestyle. He tells the thread about his struggles with permanent housing, a bad back, hunger and employment. He posts photos of his car (where he sleeps) and a video of him dancing at work. Jared reveals intimate parts of himself and his passion for writing and music. He also posts that he has encountered problems with substance abuse and has been sober for a while. The trickle of small donations from posters becomes a steady flow:
JeReMyHaSSpoKen: pm me western union or paypal And ill ship you some cash
Greeson08: Jared, hit me up on Skype. Sending $11.11 via FTP.
A month after Jared creates the BBV thread, March 9th, Jared posts the long awaited video of him hugging strangers that Ccuster_911 requested. Luckily, the video is still on YouTube. Here is the link. At this point he fittingly reveals his name is Jared Huggins and his nickname in school was Huggy. His fans love the video and let him know:
Doomriders: amazing nice job brothaa
cds0699: Very amazing vid and I wish you nothing but the best
Talking Poker: Video is awesome. Thread is awesome. You are awesome.
And he really enjoyed the experience:
RelaxedPrecision: I was surprised by the number of people who literally RAN into my arms.
It was a day & an experience that I will never forget.
If you enjoy the video half as much as I enjoyed making it, I'll be happy.
He tells 2+2 more about his life:
RelaxedPrecision: You guys reaching out to me is very much appreciated. I've had my fair share of obstacles in life. Born in a crack house, father died when I was 9, mother is an alcoholic, one brother a heroine addict, the other a crack dealer who was beaten and left for dead and never fully recovered his mind.
Last year ran bad at life...lost my job, ripped my meniscus in two places, had a terrible reaction to prescription stress meds..etc etc. I ended up living in my calosing contact with my family... cuz my cousin is hooked on muscle relaxers & vicodin and it hurts too much to watch people I love hurt themselves.We all have challenges, and obstacles. Life is tough for everybody.
I'm healthy, normal, moving in a positive direction
Jared’s birthday comes on the 12th of March and many posters wish him a happy birthday. At this point the donations from 2+2 posters continue and totals $1k. A few weeks later and Jared posts an amusing and NSFW story about living in a car. It’s long and not essential to the story so I won’t quote it. Read it here.
Jared thanks the community again:
RelaxedPrecision: I've never had people care about me like this before, let alone strangers.
From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank all of you.

The Big Game

Poker TV was very popular in 2010. The WSOP and other TV shows were broadcast across America and other countries. Pokersites were very keen on poker advertising appearing on TV, it was a very effective way to promote online poker sites. Full Tilt sponsored and regularly advertised on Poker After Dark. Full Tilt is even included in the show's title, which for a time prompted players associated with Pokerstars to stop appearing on the show. Pokerstars did not have as big a presence on TV as Full Tilt and they wanted to change that. How better than creating their own show? They would be able to have a majority of Pokerstars pros on TV and have players wearing their advertising patches.
Thus, Pokerstars created The Big Game. The Big Game was a televised cash game [a cash game is different to a tournament, the players' chips represent cash explained more here] with a novel concept: each episode featured a loose cannon. The loose cannon is a recreational player, who is given $100k to play 150 hands of high stakes poker. The loose cannon gets to keep any profits from their session and the biggest winner from the season also gets $50k in NAPT tournament entrance costs. Any Pokerstars player is welcome to try to become the Loose Cannon.
The line ups consisted of some popular pros who have a lively table presence like Daniel Negreanu, Phil Hellmuth and Tony G. It also had some of the strongest players of the time like Ike Haxton and Phil Galfond. Joe Stapleton made his debut on the show as an announcer. He who would go on to do a great deal of poker commentating over the next decade. Each episode aired on The Fox Network and Pokerstars.tv.
In the same BBV thread Jared started, one of the posters has a bright idea:
MasterWolf: I think you should apply to be a Loose Cannon on the Big Game. I know you'd get tons of 2+2 support, plus, you are awesome at making videos.
One of the Jared’s strongest supporters on 2+2 takes a keen interest in this idea:
John_Wray: THIS! Is this something we can make happen? I don't know anything about the process.
Others agree:
Rusemandingo: Would be amazing.
AyinHara: for the producers of the Big Game, this is an easy one. snap it up!
King Fish: PokerStars Steve was looking for 2p2 recommendations awhile ago. I sent him a text nominating OP but have not heard back. I suggest all of you PM him, and point him to this thread. Would make a much better story than anyone on here, and he has the video to back up both the story and personality already shot.
But how can Jared apply to go on The Big Game?
Pokerstars run several tournament qualifiers for The Big Game on Pokerstars. These are details taken from The Big Game website:
There are free-to-enter Big Game Round 1 satellites running four times a day. Finish in the top 300 and you’ll advance to Round 2. Make it into the top 1,000 in a Round 2 tournament and you’ll get a seat in the Big Game Final Round qualifier. All players that finish in the top 200 in the final will be invited to send PokerStars a casting video, telling us why you think you should be on TV’s best new cash game show. Impress us with your video and you’ll be heading off to Las Vegas to star on the show as a Loose Cannon qualifier. Once the video is posted, people will vote on the their favourite video.
The freerolls are popular and attract about 5000 people for each round 1 freeroll. Jared would need to finish in the top 6% of the round 1 freeroll then he’ll be in the round 2 freeroll, he would need to finish in the top 15% to qualify for round 3. In round 3, only 200 qualify to make a video. The round 2 and 3 qualifier only ran once a week so Jared had a limited amount of attempts.
John_Wray starts a new thread in support of Jared being considered to be a loose cannon on The Big Game. Within 24 hours the thread has over 400 posts, most of them people putting down their support for Jared to be on The Big Game.
Boosted J hears of Jared’s story and posts in the petition thread. Boosted J is the screen name of Justin Smith, a skilled professional player. Boosted J offers Jared a potential job, poker coaching and access to his private mental coach. Boosted J would go on to get Jared in a Dr Dre video as an extra.
At this point RelaxedPrecision is one year sober and life is looking good for him. He posts a video rapping about overcoming life’s obstacles. Daniel Negreanu notices and tweets about his rap:
RealKidPoker: Homeless guy Jared Huggins rapping about being sober 1 year, powerful lyrics. Guy has an amazing story to tell.
John_Wray reports that Jared has already started playing the freeroll qualifiers [a freeroll is a free to enter tournament]:
John_Wray: Jared's in a hotel tonight grinding the freerolls .
Jared is ready to play all four round 1 qualifiers on days he had free:
RelaxedPrecision: Going to grind as many of these things as humanly possible.
RelaxedPrecision: I got out my schedule for the month, there will be for sure be days coming up where I will play all 4 first round games.
Support pours in:
CrazyNL: awsome man gl
NomoneyHU: I'd like to wish you good luck man , i'm currently watching your video. Happy that things is going your way from now! I hope that you do qualify for the PS Big Game and ship all the manies.
Sump: I hope you win this and double up on Big Game, ship the NAPT Passport
People start to watch him play and offer him advice. Jared found the journey hard at times:
RelaxedPrecision: Watched guys ship all in preflop with 72o for 4 hours straight. I get an above average stack, get it in with 10 10, run it smack dab into KK. And encountered his fair share of bad beats: RelaxedPrecision: Survive that, get it in with. 58 on a 8s7h6d flop vs Js7s, turn and river are spades, and it's time for a cold shower. lol
[Here he is saying that he feels the other players in the tournament are not playing well but he feels when he played well he felt he was unlucky]
Jared starts a new day of round 1 qualifiers, ready to play all 4.
RelaxedPrecision: Fresh day of freerolls starts in 20 minutes. Playing more aggressive today. Feeling optimistic.
He starts playing a round 1 tournament qualifier and is doing well. He’s getting closer:
pokernutssss: 322/379! 79 to go GL jared
John_Wray: just fold into the win now. you've got enough chips
Until:
MicroRoller: Congrats! 1 down 2 to go.
RelaxedPrecision: YEEEEEEEEEEHAW!!!
Feels good to be out of round 1. Just gotta find a way to run good [getting lucky]!
The next day, Jared enters round 2 and plays this hand in the middle stages:
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t500/t1000 Blinds + t250 - 9 players
BSKid (BTN): t47500 M = 12.67
bones_522004 (SB): t119200 M = 31.79
tanwaruw (BB): t59200 M = 15.79
carlo 1959 (UTG): t1500 M = 0.40
mydream4u (UTG+1): t16200 M = 4.32
berdootim (UTG+2): t47150 M = 12.57
dickblow (MP1): t1750 M = 0.47
Life Guru (MP2): t42350 M = 11.29
Jared Huggins (CO:) with 6s6c : t9300 M = 2.48
Pre Flop: (t3750)
4 folds, Life Guru raises to t2000, Jared Huggins raises to t9050 all in, 3 folds, Life Guru calls t7050
Flop: (t21850) TcQh7s (2 players - 1 is all in)
Turn: (t21850) Jh (2 players - 1 is all in)
River: (t21850)Jd (2 players - 1 is all in)
Final Pot: t21850 Life Guru shows 8dAc (a pair of Jacks) Jared Huggins shows 6s6c (two pair, Jacks and Sixes) Jared Huggins wins t21850 [Jared plays well and wins]
RelaxedPrecision: **** yeah
But then falls:
John_Wray: ugh. You played great though.
After Jared asks about poker training sites, Taylor Caby pops into the thread to offer Jared membership to his training site: CardRunners:
Green Plastic: Hey Jared,
if you'd like to try out CardRunners for free shoot me a PM, I'll have someone set you up over there.
After making a few deep runs in the round 1 tournaments, Jared has several round 2 tickets and is putting his newly found membership to good use:
RelaxedPrecision: Won 3/4 round 1 tournaments today. Now I have four round 2 Tokens saved. Watching Cardrunner.com videos all day tommorrow, and grinding more freerolls
A few days later and Jared makes the final round of freerolls:
Amnestia: gg, jared, good luck in round 3 Isitdur?: It would be the sickest rags to riches story ever if you got on The Big Game, Jared. I really hope you do it. Good luck in Round 3 I will be railing along with all of your other supporters!
Jared registers and plays a round three qualifier tournament and encounters this hand:
Preflop: Jared Huggins in MP1 with AcKc
UTG bets t1200, Jared Huggins raises to t3000, 1 fold, MP2 calls t3000, MP3 calls t3000, 4 folds, UTG calls t1800
Flop: (t14250) 3c6sKs (4 players)
UTG checks, Jared Huggins bets t10000, MP2 calls t10000, MP3 calls t1950 (All-In), 1 fold
Turn: (t36200) Ac (3 players, 1 all-in)
Jared Huggins bets t25000, MP2 raises to t26050 (All-In), Jared Huggins calls t1050
River: (t88300) 4d (3 players, 2 all-in)
Total pot: t88300
Results: Jared Huggins shows AcKc (two pair, Aces and Kings). MP2 shows Js9s (flush, Ace high). MP3 shows KdTs (one pair, Kings). Outcome: MP2 won t88300 [Jared plays well but get unlucky in a large pot and is out of this round 2 tournament]
Jared is out and continues to grind the qualifying tournaments. A week later and he registers for a round three freeroll and is going deep. A fan posts his position:
MasterWolf: Current Stats: 81,262 chips. avg: 142,959. position 247 / 348. Top 200 get in
Jared gets closer…
MasterWolf: 44 left. he's got 7th shortest stack in tourney. BUT HE CAN DO IT! Go Jared!!
Jared wins a key pot:
John_Wray: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
NomoneyHU: SSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jared gets increasingly close but is very shortstacked [doesn't have many chips]:
The railbirds [players who watch online poker] watch on:
__27__: Never been so happy railing [watching] a freeroll, this is some crazy ****.
Hard bubble and the tournament goes hand for hand [this means there is only 1 player left to go out, when they do all remaining players qualify for the video round]:
MasterWolf: 1 person left
Jared posts. He has qualified!
RelaxedPrecision: I can't believe this is actually happening.
Jared has done it. With the full support of his fan base Jared is one big step closer to getting onto The Big Game. The posters go crazy in his sweat thread and dozens of people congratulate him.
Afterwards, Pokerstatic interview Jared and he opens up about his difficult upbringing and life. Link to summary here.
Jared is very popular on 2+2 and has a keen fan base but not everyone likes the attention and donations Jared is getting. Later on a Jared opposition thread would be created. Here’s an example of opposition towards Jared:
Lchampag: Its just the way everyone here is completely giving this story all their faith. Just reminds me of those old people that get scammed is all.
I work in the coal mining industry. Pay starts out at around $20/h for the first six months(for"red hats") and then goes to around 25 after that for a general laborer. There are men hired at my mines everyday, come and get a freaking job! I guess this work is too hard for those that would just rather get handouts...
Some people were upset he was getting so much in donations. In 2010 he received $6k from 2+2 members. Jared’s fans respond with posts like this:
Srkbigdaddy: i dont know why people would bother posting in a thread that actually has a ton of heart with their snide and rude remarks. obviously its okay to post your feelings but if they are not gonna help the situation then they are pointless. you are basically just stepping on someone who is down
John Wray gives an update on Jared and his health:
John Wray: Jared is seeing his therapist again, and has just moved into a new place. He's very happy with it as it is within his price range and his landlord is a former deacon. They plan to attend services together on Sundays.
His bad back is still a big problem, one that needs to be addressed immediately.
Grayson Physioc also known as Spacegravy on 2+2 is a SNG [Sit 'n' Go, a one table tournament] crusher who fought his way from from microstakes to highstakes [A common story for skilled players to deposit $100 on a pokersite, fight their way up the ranks and turn it into millions]. He arrives in the thread and offers to fly Jared to Maimi and coach him, Jared flies out and posts this from Miami:
RelaxedPrecision: Spacegravy flew me out here to Miami to learn Sit N Go's, I'm totally blown away! He is an A+ human being! Haven't gone to the beach, haven't gone sight-seeing, haven't gone anywhere, just straight up grinding poker. Grinding as much as possible!
While in Miami, Jared’s mind is on making the best video he can to ensure he gets onto The Big Game. John_Wray helped, by the 28th of October it is finished and posted.
Jared’s Big Game Audition Tape
November the first rolls by and the audition tapes of all the qualifiers are uploaded and ready to be voted on. Jared is looking good and is in second place with 1.1k votes.
2nd November and Jared returns from Miami. He’s up $800 on SNGs from his time playing and getting mentored by SpaceGravy.
The weeks pass by. People can vote on one video per day so Jared’s fans are visiting and voting as much as they can:
8Nilor: Voting everyday btw. and got others to also.
The thread builds with excitement. With so many fans in the poker world Jared is sure to be selected to go on The Big Game. In December, Jared posts that all is going well with him. He has two jobs and a room to stay in. Jared gives a few updates:
RelaxedPrecision: When I'm not at work, I am working on my game everyday, grinding 50NL 6 max deep on Stars, going over hand histories, and getting coaching when I can.
[50nl deep is a type of poker played with 6 maximum players on the table buying in for $50-100]
2011 begins. In January the voting closes and Jared can only wait.
And then the news that Jared and many 2+2 posters have been waiting for is here. Jared notices an email from Pokerstars. He reads the news from Pokerstars about The Big Game.
He receives the results and rushes to 2+2 to share the news:
RelaxedPrecision: I got an email from PokerStars informing me that I was not selected to compete as a Loose Cannon on next season’s PokerStars Big Game. I wasn’t given any specific reason why I wasn’t selected, but I was thanked for trying out.
TwoPlusTwo.com, thank all of you for supporting me and showing me love. To be loved was a dream come true for me. I'm convinced that love cures most illness.
Jared was not successful. It's crushing news to the community. All their efforts spent helping Jared onto The Big Game was for nothing.
The community reply to the news:
AlienSpaceBat: Wow, Jared, I'm really sorry to hear this
Isitdur?: So bummed to hear this news, Jared.
2ndUnit: I am very, very disappointed of this decision by PS. Don't let it bring you down Jared, keep going.
A few weeks pass and there’s not much news from Jared. He settles back into working and improving his situation.

It’s all over

Jared had not made the cut for The Big Game.
But it’s not all bad.
Jared is in a much better position than he was a year ago.
He has a roof over his head and steady employment.
The past year was a crazy ride for him and he’s made many friends from 2+2.
His poker skill is improving and he has top players coaching him.
But no one predicted what would happen next month.
In the middle of February 2011, a Pokerstars representative dropped into 2+2 to post unbelievable news:
PokerstarsSteve: The seven Loose Cannons scheduled for the July 2011 showing of The PokerStars.net Big Game are:
Gonzales Cannon II - Sacramento, CA
Courtney Gee - Vancouver BC
Jared Huggins - Los Angeles, CA
Massimiliano Martinez - Rome, Italy
Cari Bershell - Las Vegas, NV
Kenneth Hrankowski - Vancouver BC
Anton Dunyushkin - Moscow, Russia
Jared Huggins is confirmed to appear on The Big Game Season 2. This is shocking to the community because there was no knowledge on 2+2 that he was even considered for season 2. The community erupts:
ak47: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
ROADHEAD: WOW NO WAY, WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED!!
MrPowell222: WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!
TayWolf55: GO GO GO GO GO Jared!
Almost exactly a year after living in his car and making his BBV thread he has the shot of a lifetime for fame and fortune.
But first, Jared needs to prepare for the biggest shot of his life.
Jared dedicates four months to preparation for going on The Big Game. He plays as much online cash game poker as he can. He has access to a training site and receives free coaching from top pros. To simulate The Big Game he plays 50,000 hands of 6max deep online [6max deep is the poker format played on The Big Game] and even plays tough opponents who would drop down in stakes to play with him.
In 2011 he makes three trips from LA to Las Vegas to practice and get used to live play. He practices chip handling, breathing and getting comfortable going from online to live. He reads Caro’s Books of Tells and would sit at the lowest stakes while studying every player closely. He never parties on these trips, just play and study.
He watches all 72 episodes of The Big Game Season 1 and analyzes every hand. While watching he would have seen Season 1’s biggest winner, Bob Ferdinand, win $181,500 and $50k in NAPT tournament entries.
In this time Jared remakes his Free Hugs video and once again, wanders LA shores with a sign and offers free hugs to the public. Jared uses some of the money from this video and donates $1k to charity. Reshot video here
The line up for The Big Game is announced:
Seat 1: Jared Huggins
Seat 2: Nick Cassavetes – A recreational player. Cassavetes works in the film industry.
Seat 3: Barry Greenstein – Poker legend known for his ‎Philanthropy
Seat 4: Vanessa Selbst – An aggressive and skilled player. Won NAPT Mohegan Sun Main Event back to back.
Seat 5: Antonio Esfandiari – An accomplished player who would go on to win The Big Drop for $18m next year.
Seat 6: Prahlad Friedman – An experienced cash game player. Played under Spirit Rock and used to crush online games
Reserve: Phil Lakk - An entertaining professional player.
There are certainly some tough opponents on this table. Fortunately, Jared has a recreational player on his left [at the poker table players on the left are more likely to apply pressure than players on the right. Because Cassavetes is a recreational player he should be applying less pressure on Jared than a pro].
The community reacts:
blackjacki2: hard lineup
J0hny: Best of luck to you !
Then the day of filming arrives. Jared drives to Las Vegas to play in the biggest cash game of his life. He’s had months of training for this one moment. Hundreds of people on 2+2 are following his progress and Jared will soon be broadcast across the USA playing with seasoned professionals.
Now, the story is almost at an end. You have three options on how to consume the finale:
  1. You can watch all four episodes of The Big Game to see what happens, links below. When you are finished watching, click the spoiler box below and read the end of the story.
  2. If you don’t want to watch all 4 episodes then I’ve posted some timestamped links of Jared’s biggest hands, I’ve linked one hand per episode. There are 12 minutes of clips. When you are finished watching, click the spoiler box below and read the end of the story.
  3. If you don’t want to watch any Big Game then click the spoiler box below and read on. [If you want to watch some of The Big Game it may be a good idea to watch this video I linked in the introduction again]

Full Episodes

Full episode. 1st episode
Full episode. 2nd episode
Full episode. 3rd episode
Full episode. 4th episode
Full episode. 5th episode

Highlights – Jared’s Biggest Hands

Jared Hand 1, watch from 35:00 - 37:28
Jared Hand 2, watch from 35:00 - 36:45
Jared Hand 3, watch from 39:40 - 42:10
Jared Hand 4, watch from 10:15 – 17:10

Epilogue

Jared did not end up profiting on the episode. He played until hand 126 of 150 when he ran his QQ into Cassavetes’ KK. Jared doesn’t hit and is off The Big Game.[KK is the second best hand in poker and QQ is the third best, so it was unlucky for Jared to get QQ and another player has KK. However, Jared was playing poorly and too passively in other hands in the episodes]
Posts from 2+2 were mixed, many posts in the thread were not kind towards his play. The community criticized some of the hands he played:
Jazzed23: the dude played like crap. No 3 betting, no bluffing, no floating and turn barrelling. he was playing scared and tight. Blew away $25k just by folding.
cobrastatus: How could this guy... get so much free coaching... and be so terrible...
trip_kings12: what a waste of a week for this show. Jared, the loose cannon, was almost unbearable to watch. I doubt I've ever seen a tighter, more scared loose cannon in all my years in poker.
[The posters here are saying that he was playing poorly and passively]
One fan posts this:
LolDonkamentz: I'll admit I was kind of disappointed with the result of this. I enjoyed all the build up and was really excited for this to be the climax of the Jared Huggins saga but it wasn't to be. His awkwardness at the table combined with his below average performance made for bad television
And Jared replied:
RelaxedPrecision: To you and others Donkamentz, sorry if I wasn't able to do my part to entertain you. It's a big show with lots of people on it, so I don't feel solely responsible for your entertainment, any more than I feel responsible for not hitting a huge hand. Thank you for caring about how I did.
Most of the posts were neutral or negative but there were still some positive posts:
kevmode: Gl to you in the future Jared. You are a nice guy, just block out the negative and think positive.
So, what happened to Jared after The Big Game?
After The Big Game, Jared stopped posting so much in 2+2 and he slowly faded from posters’ minds.
Shortly after The Big Game, he posted a post show reflection where he thanked the community, he spoke of how he enjoyed playing with the pros and his heartbreak after busting. He wished he had talked more and played some hands differently. He finishes with a final thought:
RelaxedPrecision: I'm happy and grateful for what this journey has been. I made some amazing friendships, saw amazing places, and had my dreams come true. I had amazing experiences, that I will never in my life forget, memories that I will always look back upon with a smile.
In 2012 he posted this post where he shared his battles with health conditions and how he still plays poker.
In 2016 he posted this in a thread about poker in developing countries. He wrote about living in China for 9 months.
Original Threads:
HU VS a drooler, lost my "roll"
**Petition to have Jared "RelaxedPrecision" Huggins for PS Big Game
**The Jared Huggins 'Big Game' Sweat Thread
Jared Huggins Big Game Trip Report-Thank You 2+2
submitted by GiantHorse to HobbyDrama [link] [comments]

Tales from 2+2: Homelessness, Grinding and the Biggest Shot of a Grinder’s Life: The Jared Huggins Story

Link to Previous Tales From 2+2: Poker player steals $1m+ chips and tries to sell it on 2+2 poker forums More Tales From 2+2: A Very Controversial $70k prop bet
Here's another Tales From 2+2 post, this one is a bit longer and features some videos. I hope it's worth the read. This story follows several epic 2+2 threads and takes a rollercoaster ride. If you want to pass this story onto a non poker player I wrote an edited version on HobbyDrama. Enjoy:

Still Booming

The year is 2010.
The effects of the 2003 poker boom are still being felt and Black Friday is a year away.
Americans, Europeans, Australians and almost the whole world are playing side by side on Pokerstars and Full Tilt. Hundreds of people are signing up for poker sites each day. Tournament guarantees are at an all-time high. Poker sites’ pockets are overflowing and sites are offering generous bonuses, promotions and rakeback. Poker TV is popular worldwide and Poker After Dark just entered its 6th season. The 2+2 poker forums are in full swing, it’s the epicenter of poker communication. Dozens of threads are made on popular subforums like NVG (News, Views and Gossip) or BBV (Beats, Brags and Variance) every day.
BBV is a subforum of 2+2 where the moderation is far laxer than the rest of the 2+2. People often create posts showing off their tournament wins, lamenting their 50 buy in downswings or venting their frustration over the local fish hitting their gutshot on the river. After the initial post is made, the trolls would descend and replies like this were often seen:
Colin_Piddle: Ur a clown OP
Tank Home & Away: Somebody call Donald Trump. OP thinks online poker is rigged.
FranFran: Shut up. Idiot.
Dave Coulier: LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OLLOLOLOLOLOLOL

The BBV Post

On 20th Feb 2010 Jared Huggins, posting under RelaxedPrecision, visits BBV to vent his frustration over busting his meager roll playing 100nl HU:
RelaxedPrecision: Beat: HU vs drooler, lost my $100 bankroll ($100 table obv.)
He raised preflop every single hand including out of position.
Called 75% of my three bets with trash.
Only pot bet, regardless of board, his holdings, or position.
He is -$1132 in 2000 hands, -33/bb 100
We played 250 hands.
This guy was a corpse and I ran so cold it was insane. Only hitting any pair or a decent draw a couple of times. Twilight zone.
Brag: Not homeless again till the end of the month. Getting a third job today. This week I've begged for food at fast food joints and have scored two steak tacos and 1 piece of chicken.
The usual procedure in BBV is for the BBV regulars to berate the original poster, usually in meme form. Jared’s thread is no exception:
Sobad87: FAIIIIIIL, homeless shelters exist for a reason.
SmilingOrange: rock bottom itt
Sump: in b4 homeless
However, the thread takes a darker turn when Jared starts to post more details about his living and financial situation.
RelaxedPrecision: I'm 5 peanuts and 2 cups of water into my day. Finding some awesome links about food for broke people in LA. RelaxedPrecision: Last time round, 6 month period, I chose cruising the back streets near my job/sleeping in car, rather than driving hours per day to/from shelter and risking jail/car impoundaments/belongings confiscated.
Jared seems to be not only in dire poverty but also grinding microstakes for any cash he can get. He posts that the roll he lost was from a referral payment on a poker website but he cant’t withdraw it. The posters start to get a little more sympathetic:
FastPlaySlow: Wow. I feel bad for ya OP.
Kidlover: Keep your head up bro. Gimme a call if you want
A user named Airwave16 offers helps in his own way:
airwave16: create youtube vid of you dancing to around the world by daft punk in your boxers with a large sign that says "i love burningbend" and i'll ship you $30
Within 40 minutes Jared accepts this:
RelaxedPrecision: Never thought I'd do something like this, but I don't have much choice.
RelaxedPrecision: Don't want to go back to living in my car. Last month some guys tried to break into my car while I was inside of it. Terrible experience.
The next day, to the surprise of many he posts a video on Youtube of him around his room, just as Airwave16 asked. Unfortunately the video is lost to time but this small photo of the video remains. 2+2 posters start to show more compassion when they see how desperate Jared is for money:
mcfals02: Hilarious video. Hope you run good at life soon OP.
shikari424: If you've got a ftp account i'll ship something over bro, made me laugh
Ccuster_911 then offers a little more money for another challenge:
Ccuster_911 : Make a video of you going outside on the streets in LA offering people free HUGs(holding a sign ldo), I will ship you 30$, I want at least 10 random people being hugged
Others start to offer extra money to shoot this video:
cds0699: I'll chip in $10 for this.
Greeson08: $20 more here...$30 more if you paint yourself green before doing the hug thing.
Jared is very thankful for the support and lets his fellow posters know:
RelaxedPrecision: I'm really overwhelmed and surprised. Thank you guys so much, you have no idea how good it feels that people on 2+2 would reach out to me like this. I'm totally blown away. Thank you so much. This is one of the best things that has happened to me in a very long time.
Talked to the lady who rented me this room for 2 weeks. I got 5 days left here, then I'm back living in my car.
I am going to do everything in my power to get back on my feet. I am so close. Every suggestion, I will do. I'll dance for penny. I'll come to your house and clean your toilet. That's where my mind is at
A user asks for him to take a photo with ‘Free Pageh’ on his head, he posts this
swd805: that pic is disturbing
RelaxedPrecision: Mission accomplished.
Jared gives an insight into his mood while performing these tasks
RelaxedPrecision: Please do laugh at me. I laugh at myself as much as possible.
I cried twice. 1st when Airwave propositioned me and I felt different inside, like "time to get desperate man". It was a nasty feeling.
2nd time I cried, when I finished the video & began to ask myself whether or not I would do various things for $ & heard some of the answers in my head.
Both times I fought the tears back & realized I got no choice, need the $. So let's get some more ideas & keep this ball rolling. You guys are helping me, thank you
He also gives insight into his poor mental state and reveals that a 2+2 poster gave him a small stake:
RelaxedPrecision: My friend (who's house I crashed at) is a pro MMA fighter , he lets me attend his MMA/BJJ class once a week. At class today, he yelled at me for doing a takedown wrong. I had a meltdown & broke down in tears in front of the class cuz I've barely eaten in 6 days. Shed 12 pounds this week. Just real drained.
Prop update: Got staked to play $5 Sit n Go's on FTP. 5 hours of play, up a few bucks.
4 days till I'm homeless again.
Jared tells a story and hatches a plan while working at his new job:
RelaxedPrecision: Today, this big husky girl with linebacker shoulders came in2 my job today to buy shoes...size 11. She looks exactly like a man. She had this big lady with her who told me the size 11 girl liked me. So I gave her my digits. I hope she calls me soon. If she calls me I'm going to try & seduce her & go live with her. Wherever she lives, I'm sure there's plenty of food.
Over the next few hundred posts the mood of the thread becomes caring and many people are asking Jared about his current lifestyle. He tells the thread about his struggles with permanent housing, a bad back, hunger and employment. He posts photos of his car (where he sleeps) and a video of him dancing at work. Jared reveals intimate parts of himself and his passion for writing and music. He also posts that he has encountered problems with substance abuse and has been sober for a while. The trickle of small donations from posters becomes a steady flow:
JeReMyHaSSpoKen: pm me western union or paypal And ill ship you some cash
Greeson08: Jared, hit me up on Skype. Sending $11.11 via FTP.
A month after Jared creates the BBV thread, March 9th, Jared posts the long awaited video of him hugging strangers that Ccuster_911 requested. Luckily, the video is still on YouTube. Here is the link. At this point he fittingly reveals his name is Jared Huggins and his nickname in school was Huggy. His fans love the video and let him know:
Doomriders: amazing nice job brothaa
cds0699: Very amazing vid and I wish you nothing but the best
Talking Poker: Video is awesome. Thread is awesome. You are awesome.
And he really enjoyed the experience:
RelaxedPrecision: I was surprised by the number of people who literally RAN into my arms.
It was a day & an experience that I will never forget.
If you enjoy the video half as much as I enjoyed making it, I'll be happy.
He tells 2+2 more about his life:
RelaxedPrecision: You guys reaching out to me is very much appreciated. I've had my fair share of obstacles in life. Born in a crack house, father died when I was 9, mother is an alcoholic, one brother a heroine addict, the other a crack dealer who was beaten and left for dead and never fully recovered his mind.
Last year ran bad at life...lost my job, ripped my meniscus in two places, had a terrible reaction to prescription stress meds..etc etc. I ended up living in my calosing contact with my family... cuz my cousin is hooked on muscle relaxers & vicodin and it hurts too much to watch people I love hurt themselves.We all have challenges, and obstacles. Life is tough for everybody.
I'm healthy, normal, moving in a positive direction
Jared’s birthday comes on the 12th of March and many posters wish him a happy birthday. At this point the donations from 2+2 posters continue and totals $1k. A few weeks later and Jared posts an amusing and NSFW story about living in a car. It’s long and not essential to the story so I won’t quote it. Read it here.
Jared thanks the community again:
RelaxedPrecision: I've never had people care about me like this before, let alone strangers.
From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank all of you.

The Big Game

Poker TV was very popular in 2010. The WSOP and other TV shows were broadcast across America and other countries. Pokersites were very keen on poker advertising appearing on TV, it was a very effective way to promote online poker sites. Full Tilt sponsored and regularly advertised on Poker After Dark. Full Tilt is even included in the show's title, which for a time prompted players associated with Pokerstars to stop appearing on the show. Pokerstars did not have as big a presence on TV as Full Tilt and they wanted to change that. How better than creating their own show? They would be able to have a majority of Pokerstars pros on TV and have players wearing their advertising patches.
Thus, Pokerstars created The Big Game. The Big Game was a televised 6 max cash game with a novel concept: each episode featured a loose cannon. The loose cannon is a recreational player, who is given $100k to play 150 hands of $200/400 NLHE with a $600 button ante. The loose cannon gets to keep any profits from their session and the biggest winner from the season also gets $50k in NAPT tournament entrance costs. Any Pokerstars player is welcome to try to become the Loose Cannon.
The line ups consisted of some popular pros who have a lively table presence like Daniel Negreanu, Phil Hellmuth and Tony G. It also had some of the strongest players of the time like Ike Haxton and Phil Galfond. Joe Stapleton made his debut on the show as an announcer. He who would go on to do a great deal of poker commentating over the next decade. Something which separated The Big Game from other poker shows was that it was the first poker show to go into the stats and look at numbers such as VPIP and PFR. Another difference is that it’s played pot limit pre flop to prevent loose cannon shenanigans such as shoving every hand if they are short stacked around hand 140. Each episode aired on The Fox Network and Pokerstars.tv.
In the same BBV thread Jared started, one of the posters has a bright idea:
MasterWolf: I think you should apply to be a Loose Cannon on the Big Game. I know you'd get tons of 2+2 support, plus, you are awesome at making videos.
One of the Jared’s strongest supporters on 2+2 takes a keen interest in this idea:
John_Wray: THIS! Is this something we can make happen? I don't know anything about the process.
Others agree:
Rusemandingo: Would be amazing.
AyinHara: for the producers of the Big Game, this is an easy one. snap it up!
King Fish: PokerStars Steve was looking for 2p2 recommendations awhile ago. I sent him a text nominating OP but have not heard back. I suggest all of you PM him, and point him to this thread. Would make a much better story than anyone on here, and he has the video to back up both the story and personality already shot.
But how can Jared apply to go on The Big Game?
Pokerstars run several tournament qualifiers for The Big Game on Pokerstars. These are details taken from The Big Game website:
There are free-to-enter Big Game Round 1 satellites running four times a day. Finish in the top 300 and you’ll advance to Round 2. Make it into the top 1,000 in a Round 2 tournament and you’ll get a seat in the Big Game Final Round qualifier. All players that finish in the top 200 in the final will be invited to send PokerStars a casting video, telling us why you think you should be on TV’s best new cash game show. Impress us with your video and you’ll be heading off to Las Vegas to star on the show as a Loose Cannon qualifier. Once the video is posted, people will vote on the their favourite video.
The freerolls are popular and attract about 5000 people for each round 1 freeroll. Jared would need to finish in the top 6% of the round 1 freeroll then he’ll be in the round 2 freeroll, he would need to finish in the top 15% to qualify for round 3. In round 3, only 200 qualify to make a video. The round 2 and 3 qualifier only ran once a week so Jared had a limited amount of attempts.
John_Wray starts a new thread in support of Jared being considered to be a loose cannon on The Big Game. Within 24 hours the thread has over 400 posts, most of them people putting down their support for Jared to be on The Big Game.
Boosted J hears of Jared’s story and posts in the petition thread. Boosted J is the screen name of Justin Smith, a skilled professional player. Boosted J offers Jared a potential job, poker coaching and access to his private mental coach. Boosted J would go on to get Jared in a Dr Dre video as an extra.
At this point RelaxedPrecision is one year sober and life is looking good for him. He posts a video rapping about overcoming life’s obstacles. Daniel Negreanu notices and tweets about his rap:
RealKidPoker: Homeless guy Jared Huggins rapping about being sober 1 year, powerful lyrics. Guy has an amazing story to tell.
John_Wray reports that Jared has already started the grind:
John_Wray: Jared's in a hotel tonight grinding the freerolls.
Jared is ready to play all four round 1 qualifiers on days he had free:
RelaxedPrecision: Going to grind as many of these things as humanly possible.
RelaxedPrecision: I got out my schedule for the month, there will be for sure be days coming up where I will play all 4 first round games.
Support pours in:
CrazyNL: awsome man gl
NomoneyHU: I'd like to wish you good luck man , i'm currently watching your video. Happy that things is going your way from now! I hope that you do qualify for the PS Big Game and ship all the manies.
Sump: I hope you win this and double up on Big Game, ship the NAPT Passport
People start to watch him play, offer him advice and sweat his every flip. Here's a hand he plays from a round 1 tournament. Given that it’s a freeroll in 2010 some of the play is questionable:
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament – t300/t600 Blinds + t150 - 9 players
Alberta Al (SB): t14700 M = 6.53
BrownLow13 (BB): t37750 M = 16.78
Mystichrome (UTG): t4950 M = 2.20
barbie60 (UTG+1): t15750 M = 7
luxcky guy69 (UTG+2): t11000 M = 4.89
gansell (MP1): t5400 M = 2.40
NO.1 DIXHEAD (MP2): t75600 M = 33.60
Tom_022309 (CO): t27000 M = 12
Jared Huggins with AdQh (BTN): t13100 M = 5.82
Pre Flop: (t2250)
6 folds, Jared Huggins raises to t1200, 1 fold, BrownLow13 calls t600
Flop: (t4050) 4c8sQd (2 players)
BrownLow13 checks, Jared Huggins bets t3500, BrownLow13 calls t3500
Turn: (t11050) 5s (2 players) BrownLow13 bets t600, Jared Huggins raises to t8250 all in, BrownLow13 calls t7650
River: (t27550) 9s(2 players - 1 is all in)
Final Pot: t27550 BrownLow13 shows 5d6d (a pair of Fives) Jared Huggins shows AdQh(a pair of Queens) Jared Huggins wins t27550
Jared found it hard at times:
RelaxedPrecision: Watched guys ship all in preflop with 72o for 4 hours straight. I get an above average stack, get it in with 10 10, run it smack dab into KK. And encountered his fair share of bad beats: RelaxedPrecision: Survive that, get it in with. 58 on a 8s7h6d flop vs Js7s, turn and river are spades, and it's time for a cold shower. lol
Jared starts a new day of round 1 qualifiers, ready to play all 4.
RelaxedPrecision: Fresh day of freerolls starts in 20 minutes. Playing more aggressive today. Feeling optimistic.
He starts playing a round 1 tournament qualifier and is doing well. He’s getting closer:
pokernutssss: 322/379! 79 to go GL jared
John_Wray: just fold into the win now. you've got enough chips for 5 orbits
Until:
MicroRoller: Congrats! 1 down 2 to go.
RelaxedPrecision: YEEEEEEEEEEHAW!!!
Feels good to be out of round 1. Just gotta find a way to run good!
The next day, Jared enters round 2 and plays this hand in the middle stages:
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t500/t1000 Blinds + t250 - 9 players
BSKid (BTN): t47500 M = 12.67
bones_522004 (SB): t119200 M = 31.79
tanwaruw (BB): t59200 M = 15.79
carlo 1959 (UTG): t1500 M = 0.40
mydream4u (UTG+1): t16200 M = 4.32
berdootim (UTG+2): t47150 M = 12.57
dickblow (MP1): t1750 M = 0.47
Life Guru (MP2): t42350 M = 11.29
Jared Huggins (CO:) with 6s6c : t9300 M = 2.48
Pre Flop: (t3750)
4 folds, Life Guru raises to t2000, Jared Huggins raises to t9050 all in, 3 folds, Life Guru calls t7050
Flop: (t21850) TcQh7s (2 players - 1 is all in)
Turn: (t21850) Jh (2 players - 1 is all in)
River: (t21850)Jd (2 players - 1 is all in)
Final Pot: t21850 Life Guru shows 8dAc (a pair of Jacks) Jared Huggins shows 6s6c (two pair, Jacks and Sixes) Jared Huggins wins t21850
RelaxedPrecision: **** yeah
But then falls:
John_Wray: ugh. You played great though. Got it in with the best hand and a double-up would have put you in a good position to qualify.
After Jared asks about poker training sites, Taylor Caby pops into the thread to offer Jared membership to his training site: CardRunners:
Green Plastic: Hey Jared,
if you'd like to try out CardRunners for free shoot me a PM, I'll have someone set you up over there.
After making a few deep runs in the round 1 tournaments, Jared has several round 2 tickets and is putting his newly found membership to good use:
RelaxedPrecision: Won 3/4 round 1 tournaments today. Now I have four round 2 Tokens saved. Watching Cardrunner.com videos all day tommorrow, and grinding more freerolls
A few days later and Jared makes the final round of freerolls:
Amnestia: gg, jared, good luck in round 3 Isitdur?: It would be the sickest rags to riches story ever if you got on The Big Game, Jared. I really hope you do it. Good luck in Round 3 I will be railing along with all of your other supporters!
Jared registers and plays a round three qualifier tournament and encounters this hand:
Preflop: Jared Huggins in MP1 with AcKc
UTG bets t1200, Jared Huggins raises to t3000, 1 fold, MP2 calls t3000, MP3 calls t3000, 4 folds, UTG calls t1800
Flop: (t14250) 3c6sKs (4 players)
UTG checks, Jared Huggins bets t10000, MP2 calls t10000, MP3 calls t1950 (All-In), 1 fold
Turn: (t36200) Ac (3 players, 1 all-in)
Jared Huggins bets t25000, MP2 raises to t26050 (All-In), Jared Huggins calls t1050
River: (t88300) 4d (3 players, 2 all-in)
Total pot: t88300
Results: Jared Huggins shows AcKc (two pair, Aces and Kings). MP2 shows Js9s (flush, Ace high). MP3 shows KdTs (one pair, Kings). Outcome: MP2 won t88300
Jared is out and continues to grind the qualifying tournaments. A week later and he registers for a round three freeroll and is going deep. A fan posts his position:
MasterWolf: Current Stats: 81,262 chips. avg: 142,959. position 247 / 348. Top 200 get in
Jared gets closer…
MasterWolf: 44 left. he's got 7th shortest stack in tourney. BUT HE CAN DO IT! Go Jared!!
Jared wins a key pot:
John_Wray: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
NomoneyHU: SSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jared gets increasingly close but is very shortstacked:
John_Wray: The starting pot is now significantly bigger than his chip stack. A walk actually doubles him up!
The railbirds watch on:
__27__: Never been so happy railing a freeroll, this is some crazy ****.
Hard bubble and the tournament goes hand for hand:
MasterWolf: 1 person left, h2h
Jared posts. He has qualified!
RelaxedPrecision: I can't believe this is actually happening.
Jared has done it. With the full support of his fan base Jared is one big step closer to getting onto The Big Game. The posters go crazy in his sweat thread and dozens of people congratulate him.
Afterwards, Pokerstatic interview Jared and he opens up about his difficult upbringing and life. Link to summary here.
Jared is very popular on 2+2 and has a keen fan base but not everyone likes the attention and donations Jared is getting. Later on a Jared opposition thread would be created. Here’s an example of opposition towards Jared:
Lchampag: Its just the way everyone here is completely giving this story all their faith. Just reminds me of those old people that get scammed is all.
I work in the coal mining industry. Pay starts out at around $20/h for the first six months(for"red hats") and then goes to around 25 after that for a general laborer. There are men hired at my mines everyday, come and get a freaking job! I guess this work is too hard for those that would just rather get handouts...
Some people were upset he was getting so much in donations. In 2010 he received $6k from 2+2 members. Jared’s fans respond with posts like this:
Srkbigdaddy: i dont know why people would bother posting in a thread that actually has a ton of heart with their snide and rude remarks. obviously its okay to post your feelings but if they are not gonna help the situation then they are pointless. you are basically just stepping on someone who is down
John Wray gives an update on Jared and his health:
John Wray: Jared is seeing his therapist again, and has just moved into a new place. He's very happy with it as it is within his price range and his landlord is a former deacon. They plan to attend services together on Sundays.
His bad back is still a big problem, one that needs to be addressed immediately.
Grayson Physioc also known as Spacegravy on 2+2 is a SNG crusher who fought his way from from microstakes to highstakes. He arrives in the thread and offers to fly Jared to Maimi and coach him, Jared flies out and posts this from Miami:
RelaxedPrecision: Spacegravy flew me out here to Miami to learn Sit N Go's, I'm totally blown away! He is an A+ human being! Haven't gone to the beach, haven't gone sight-seeing, haven't gone anywhere, just straight up grinding poker. Grinding as many of these $3/$6 45 mans on Stars as possible!
While in Miami, Jared’s mind is on making the best video he can to ensure he gets onto The Big Game. John_Wray helped, by the 28th of October it is finished and posted.
Jared’s Big Game Audition Tape
November the first rolls by and the audition tapes of all the qualifiers are uploaded and ready to be voted on. Jared is looking good and is in second place with 1.1k votes.
2nd November and Jared returns from Miami. He’s up $800 on SNGs from his time playing and getting mentored by SpaceGravy.
The weeks pass by. People can vote on one video per day so Jared’s fans are visiting and voting as much as they can:
8Nilor: Voting everyday btw. and got others to also.
The thread builds with excitement. With so many fans in the poker world Jared is sure to be selected to go on The Big Game. In December, Jared posts that all is going well with him. He has two jobs and a room to stay in. Jared gives a few updates:
RelaxedPrecision: When I'm not at work, I am working on my game everyday, grinding 50NL 6 max deep on Stars, going over hand histories, and getting coaching when I can.
2011 begins. In January the voting closes and Jared can only wait.
And then the news that Jared and many 2+2 posters have been waiting for is here. Jared notices an email from Pokerstars. He reads the news from Pokerstars about The Big Game.
He receives the results and rushes to 2+2 to share the news:
RelaxedPrecision: I got an email from PokerStars informing me that I was not selected to compete as a Loose Cannon on next season’s PokerStars Big Game. I wasn’t given any specific reason why I wasn’t selected, but I was thanked for trying out.
TwoPlusTwo.com, thank all of you for supporting me and showing me love. To be loved was a dream come true for me. I'm convinced that love cures most illness.
Jared was not successful. It's crushing news to the community. All their efforts spent helping Jared onto The Big Game was for nothing.
The community reply to the news:
AlienSpaceBat: Wow, Jared, I'm really sorry to hear this
Isitdur?: So bummed to hear this news, Jared.
2ndUnit: I am very, very disappointed of this decision by PS. Don't let it bring you down Jared, keep going.
A few weeks pass and there’s not much news from Jared. He settles back into working and improving his situation.

It’s all over

Jared had not made the cut for The Big Game.
But it’s not all bad.
Jared is in a much better position than he was a year ago.
He has a roof over his head and steady employment.
The past year was a crazy ride for him and he’s made many friends from 2+2.
His poker skill is improving and he has top players coaching him.
But no one predicted what would happen next month.
In the middle of February 2011, a Pokerstars representative dropped into 2+2 to post unbelievable news:
PokerstarsSteve: The seven Loose Cannons scheduled for the July 2011 showing of The PokerStars.net Big Game are:
Gonzales Cannon II - Sacramento, CA
Courtney Gee - Vancouver BC
Jared Huggins - Los Angeles, CA
Massimiliano Martinez - Rome, Italy
Cari Bershell - Las Vegas, NV
Kenneth Hrankowski - Vancouver BC
Anton Dunyushkin - Moscow, Russia
Jared Huggins is confirmed to appear on The Big Game Season 2. This is shocking to the community because there was no knowledge on 2+2 that he was even considered for season 2. The community erupts:
ak47: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
ROADHEAD: WOW NO WAY, WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED!!
MrPowell222: WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!
TayWolf55: GO GO GO GO GO Jared!
Almost exactly a year after living in his car and making his BBV thread he has the shot of a lifetime for fame and fortune.
But first, Jared needs to prepare for the biggest shot of his life.
Jared dedicates four months to preparation for going on The Big Game. He plays as much online cash game poker as he can. He has access to a training site and receives free coaching from top pros. To simulate The Big Game he plays 50,000 hands of 6max deep online and even plays tough opponents who would drop down in stakes to play with him.
In 2011 he makes three trips from LA to Las Vegas to practice and get used to live play. He practices chip handling, breathing and getting comfortable going from online to live. He reads Caro’s Books of Tells and would sit at the lowest stakes while studying every player closely. He never parties on these trips, just play and study.
He watches all 72 episodes of The Big Game Season 1 and analyzes every hand. While watching he would have seen Season 1’s biggest winner, Bob Ferdinand, win $181,500 and $50k in NAPT tournament entries.
In this time Jared remakes his Free Hugs video and once again, wanders LA shores with a sign and offers free hugs to the public. Jared uses some of the money from this video and donates $1k to charity. Reshot video here
The line up for The Big Game is announced:
Seat 1: Jared Huggins
Seat 2: Nick Cassavetes – A recreational player. Cassavetes works in the film industry.
Seat 3: Barry Greenstein – Poker legend known for his ‎Philanthropy
Seat 4: Vanessa Selbst – An aggressive and skilled player. Won NAPT Mohegan Sun Main Event back to back.
Seat 5: Antonio Esfandiari – An accomplished player who would go on to win The Big Drop for $18m next year.
Seat 6: Prahlad Friedman – An experienced cash game player. Played under Spirit Rock and used to crush online games
Reserve: Phil Lakk - An entertaining professional player.
There are certainly some tough opponents on this table. Fortunately, Jared has a recreational player on his left.
The community reacts:
blackjacki2: hard lineup
J0hny: Best of luck to you !
Then the day of filming arrives. Jared drives to Las Vegas to play in the biggest cash game of his life. He’s had months of training for this one moment. Hundreds of people on 2+2 are following his progress and Jared will soon be broadcast across the USA playing with seasoned professionals.
Now, the story is almost at an end. You have three options on how to consume the finale:
  1. You can watch all four episodes of The Big Game to see what happens, links below. When you are finished watching, click the spoiler box below and read the end of the story.
  2. If you don’t want to watch all 4 episodes then I’ve posted some timestamped links of Jared’s biggest hands, I’ve linked one hand per episode. There are 12 minutes of clips. When you are finished watching, click the spoiler box below and read the end of the story.
  3. If you don’t want to watch any Big Game then click the spoiler box below and read on.

Full Episodes

Full episode. 1st episode
Full episode. 2nd episode
Full episode. 3rd episode
Full episode. 4th episode
Full episode. 5th episode

Highlights – Jared’s Biggest Hands

Jared Hand 1, watch from 35:00 - 37:28
Jared Hand 2, watch from 35:00 - 36:45
Jared Hand 3, watch from 39:40 - 42:10
Jared Hand 4, watch from 10:15 – 17:10

Epilogue

Jared did not end up profiting on the episode. He played until hand 126 of 150 when he ran his QQ into Cassavetes’ KK. They run it twice and Jared doesn’t hit.
Posts from 2+2 were mixed, many posts in the sweat thread were not kind towards his play. The community criticized some of the hands he played:
Jazzed23: the dude played like crap. No 3 betting, no bluffing, no floating and turn barrelling. he was playing scared and tight. Blew away $25k just by folding.
cobrastatus: How could this guy... get so much free coaching... and be so terrible...
trip_kings12: what a waste of a week for this show. Jared, the loose cannon, was almost unbearable to watch. I doubt I've ever seen a tighter, more scared loose cannon in all my years in poker.
One fan posts this:
LolDonkamentz: I'll admit I was kind of disappointed with the result of this. I enjoyed all the build up and was really excited for this to be the climax of the Jared Huggins saga but it wasn't to be. His awkwardness at the table combined with his below average performance made for bad television
And Jared replied:
RelaxedPrecision: To you and others Donkamentz, sorry if I wasn't able to do my part to entertain you. It's a big show with lots of people on it, so I don't feel solely responsible for your entertainment, any more than I feel responsible for not hitting a huge hand. Thank you for caring about how I did.
Most of the posts were neutral or negative but there were still some positive posts:
kevmode: Gl to you in the future Jared. You are a nice guy, just block out the negative and think positive.
So, what happened to Jared after The Big Game?
After The Big Game, Jared stopped posting so much in 2+2 and he slowly faded from posters’ minds.
Shortly after The Big Game, he posted a post show reflection where he thanked the community, he spoke of how he enjoyed playing with the pros and his heartbreak after busting. He wished he had talked more and played some hands differently. He finishes with a final thought:
RelaxedPrecision: I'm happy and grateful for what this journey has been. I made some amazing friendships, saw amazing places, and had my dreams come true. I had amazing experiences, that I will never in my life forget, memories that I will always look back upon with a smile.
In 2012 he posted this post where he shared his battles with health conditions and how he still plays poker.
In 2016 he posted this in a thread about poker in developing countries. He wrote about living in China for 9 months.
Original Threads:
HU VS a drooler, lost my "roll"
**Petition to have Jared "RelaxedPrecision" Huggins for PS Big Game
**The Jared Huggins 'Big Game' Sweat Thread
Jared Huggins Big Game Trip Report-Thank You 2+2
submitted by GiantHorse to poker [link] [comments]

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