Poker Tells and Strategies to Spot Them -

I want to change...I need to change (31 M, down $123k)

I'm a 31 year old male and posting in this subreddit because I really want to change my life...
I have been playing poker since watching a World Series of Poker event on ESPN 15 years ago. In the last 12-13 years, I logged tons of hours on online poker. I started to make $50 deposits, but had trouble controlling my tilt when I would get a bad beat, dump off the rest of the deposit. I would self-exclude for a few months to a year because I wanted to stop making deposits and tilting money away.
After the self-exclusion, I would start playing again and fall into the same pattern. In the last 3 years, the deposit value went up, I started to make $200-$1k deposits to try to chase my losses. I also started to make sportsbook bets, because Bovada has that convenient option to place bets on sports, while I was playing poker. That didn't go well either, I was placing ridiculous bets, thinking if I could just win it all back and break even, that I can break this bad habit and move on with life. Looks like that won't happen, because everytime I deposit and tell myself I can manage my bankroll, to just build it up without tilting, I end up tilting it away eventually. Overall, I'm down around $123k, ($80k of those losses coming in the last 12 months).
I work in IT and have a 6-figure salary and have no debt, so I'll be okay with upcoming bills, but thoughts of what I could've done with that $123k over the years is bothering me so much. I went through my savings. when I was debating on starting to withdraw from my retirement accounts is when I knew this wasn't a good path that I'm heading towards. I'm also pissed at myself for all the time I wasted so I can play online poker...time that could've been spent improving myself and building relationships with family/friends.
I haven't played online poker for 3 days, and also self-excluded myself from Bovada from play/deposit for 30 days. (I'm going to send an email to them to day to self-exclude permanently, I just don't want to play anymore, I'll keep losing I know it...). It was tough waking up this morning as these thoughts were spinning in my head, which is why I'm sharing my story here.
Any advice/thoughts/quotes/meaningful words would be greatly appreciated as I start this path to recovery.
submitted by AwkwardParking to problemgambling [link] [comments]

7 Top Marked Decks

7 Top Marked Decks
What is a marked deck? Shh, don't tell anybody. But it's true that magicians and mentalists sometimes use marked decks. A marked deck is a deck with secret marks on the back of the card, that allow you to identify the value and suit on the opposite side, just by looking at the card back.
How does a marked deck work? There are two main types of marked decks that you'll commonly find being produced commercially: reader systems and coded systems. Marked decks with reader systems are what you'd expect: hidden somewhere in the back design, if you know where to look, it will say what the card is. For example, 7S would mean 7 of Spades. With these decks, your job is simply to "read" the back of the card, and you can immediately identify it. Marked decks with coded systems rely on using other codes or clues to indicate the value and suit of the cards. For example a clock face disguised on the card back might have a dot in the place corresponding to the number of the card.
How can you identify a marked deck? A quick way to see if a deck is a marked deck is to "take it to the movies", or give it "the riffle test". This involves flipping through the entire deck quickly with your thumb or finger, and watching the card backs closely to see if there are any changes in the design that appear while doing this. Depending on the marking system used, some marked decks will be more obvious than others.
When should you use a marked deck? Now that you know about marked decks, don't think that all card magic relies on a "marked deck" or some other "trick deck". Far from it! By far the majority of card tricks are done with an ordinary deck - any deck. Most card magic relies on sheer sleight of hand, skill in handling cards, and a good dose of misdirection and showmanship. But just like a mechanic will have a toolbox with different tools, so there are occasions where a marked deck is exactly the tool that a magician will need. It can certainly be used to perform `miracles' that you simply cannot accomplish with an ordinary deck.
When should you not use a marked deck? Don't even think about using a marked deck for card games, especially when playing for money! Here's a word of warning to the wise: a social game gets ruined if you're cheating, and you'll only spoil the experience for yourself and others. It's even worse to do so in a gambling game, because it's really a form of stealing - and eventually it will catch up with you and you'll get caught. But for card magic, it's totally a legitimate tool, because conjuring is all about creating an illusion, and the spectator knows that you are using hidden secrets to accomplish this. Moreover a marked deck won't work miracles on its own - you still need to come up with tricks that are entertaining to watch. Simply staring at the back of a card and telling someone what the card is doesn't make for interesting watching. On the other hand a well-presented card trick is all about being entertaining, and your audience never needs to have any idea that you're using a secret weapon to accomplish your magic.
What can you do with a marked deck? To get an idea of what you can do with a marked deck, check out this video where magician Jay Sankey shows a very simple routine you can do. He also explains how you can make your own marked deck with a standard Bicycle rider back deck.
What marked deck should I get? You can certainly make your own marked deck, as Jay Sankey explains. But the good news is that there are some fantastic marked decks on the market. The explosion of the custom playing card market over the last decade also means that over the last number of years some excellent marked decks have been produced. You need to decide whether you want a deck with a reader marking system or a coded marking system. You also need to decide on the style of deck that suits your needs, since some people will want a deck that looks very discrete, and as much as possible like an ordinary Bicycle riderback deck, while others will want a deck that looks more classy, luxurious, or even creative. Much of this comes down to personal preference, and you'll have to combine that with whether the marking system is right for you.
Which marked decks are covered in this article? In this article I'm only covering marked decks with reader systems, and I'll cover some marked decks with coded systems in a separate article. For someone who has never used a marked deck before, one that uses a reader system will be the easiest to use, and is the best place to start. Even so this is by no means a complete list of all marked decks that use reader systems, since new marked decks and new ideas are coming out all the time. There are many other great candidates that could be considered top marked decks, so I won't pretend that this is a definitive list of the all-time top marked decks. But I will cover some top ones, which are some of my own favourites and which I have personal experience with. An important criteria was also that they had to be decks available for purchase, so I've excluded any marked decks that you can't easily get.
The Keepers deck was produced by Ellusionist and is available in several colours, including blue and green. Not all of them are marked decks, but the Keepers v2 Red deck certainly is.
The concept of this deck was inspired by the idea of a lighthouse keeper, which also accounts for the lighthouse design on the card backs.
The card faces immediately give the suggestion that everything is normal, with the usual artwork we've come to expect in a traditional deck. The number cards and pips are all standard.
But there are small exceptions, the main one being a custom Ace of Spades, which features an oversized Spade pip adorned with artwork to match the lighthouse theme of the deck. In addition there are two original Jokers, plus some minor adjustments to the artwork of the Jack and Queen of Clubs.
The artwork on the card backs was created with the goal of producing a design that would have the potential to be as classic as Bicycle rider backs. Geared to please the worker magician, the design is elegant but effective, depicting the lighthouse that our keeper inhabits.
And of course within the design lies our hidden secret. It's very easy to read, and not likely to stand up to close scrutiny, but this makes it ideal for being able to read quickly and easily. As an extra bonus this deck also comes with a duplicate Queen of Hearts.
The Marked Maiden Back deck looks like an ordinary Bicycle deck using the popular Maiden back design, which is a slight variation from the rider-backs.
Unlike many other marked decks, the markings are very easy to read, so you don't have to strain to figure them out or decipher them. Many consider it the best modern marked deck for exactly that reason.
One thing I really like about the Marked Maiden Back is that it looks completely like a regular deck, so it doesn't draw attention to itself. But perhaps more importantly, the markings are very easy to read, so you don't have to strain to figure them out or decipher them. There's no real code or system to learn - they say what they are. You wouldn't want a spectator studying the backs though, because they are somewhat obvious, so I wouldn't give these out to inspect.
Having two online videos that explain how these decks work and how to get the most out of them is also very handy. With teaching from Jon Armstrong and Rick Lax, these also provide some good ideas for tricks you can do with these and other marked decks.
From big magic brand Ellusionist comes their Blue Cohort deck, which is a companion to their Red Cohort deck.
Both are of these are marked decks, and employ the same design and marking system on the card backs. The only difference between them is the colour and the thickness of the cards.
The card faces have a somewhat standard look to them, but because this is a Cartamundi produced decks, they are more similar to the style of Cartamundi's Copag decks than to the traditional Bicycle courts. The marking system is well integrated into the design and quite cleverly hidden, so you will have to look quite closely to read it.
What's special about the blue deck is that it features the debut of the new slimline E7 stock from Cartamundi. You'll likely find this to be the thinnest deck you've ever used, and to me it feels even thinner than a standard Bicycle deck with USPCC's thin-crush stock. Admittedly, because these cards are so thin, they might not hold up to the exacting standards demanded by heavy usage, although that depends on the kind of moves you do. Magicians may find that sleights like double lifts or colour changes come with the increased risk of bending the cards, and some will find the E7 stock too thin. None of this is an issue with the red deck, however, so you might want to make your colour choice depending on your preferred card thickness.
But the cards of both decks handle very nicely, feeling super soft from the get-go, and they spring beautifully, while feeling snappy and durable. They also use the "true linen" embossing pattern common to many of Cartamundi's decks, so they don't have the look of the traditional air cushion style that you will find on most USPCC produced decks. As far as I can tell, this doesn't have much of an impact on the performance or handling, but just affects the look.
Another good thing about these Cartamundi decks is the excellent print registration. USPCC decks are known to often feature print registration errors, occasionally resulting in misaligned borders. Especially when a deck has been designed with relatively narrow borders, this can present a real problem, and more than a few buyers have been disappointed with a USPCC-produced deck for this reason alone. I've not noticed any such issues with Cartamundi decks, and even though the Cohort decks I have feature very narrow borders, the printing is spot on.
Produced in the United States by magic supplier Vanishing Inc Magic, the Dapper decks are geared to be a colourful deck for the stylish (= dapper!) magician.
The Dapper Decks are available in a choice of two different colours: navy blue or orange. Both decks look absolutely lovely, with attractive colours and patterns.
The tuck boxes feature a custom design with a spade shape that incorporates the unique pattern from the card backs.
I particularly love the vibrant colour and design of the card backs of this deck. The "Jerry's Nugget Orange" deck, with its fiery orange colour, is the most striking of the two. The companion "Navy Blue" deck is basically a matching and identical deck, except that the card-backs feature navy blue as the dominant colour.
I also really appreciate how the damask/paisley pattern from the card backs has been incorporated into a single pip on some of the number cards as well. This pattern has also been built into the over-sized Aces, with the Spades and Clubs using the colours of the blue deck, and the Hearts and Diamonds using the colours of the orange deck. Introducing the paisley design from the card backs onto the card faces in subtle ways like this really helps set this deck apart and adds style and character.
The court cards have designs that are along traditional lines with some custom elements, but they feature a colour scheme that matches the rest of the deck. The colour of the red pips is especially noteworthy, being slightly orange in colour, to complements the colour scheme of the overall design.
King & Legacy Gold Edition deck was designed by Destino and presented by Julio Montoro, a magician, consultant, and creator from Spain.
The thematic concept this deck is intended to evoke is the ancient idea that when kings died, they left behind a legacy through which they lived on. Life is about creating memories and footprints, and these remain when we ourselves are no longer here. These playing cards are imagined to be the legacy of a departed king, and by opening the doors of this box we feel his presence even though he himself is absent.
The tuck box is presented with a soft white look, which features delicate lettering and patterns in metallic gold inks, plus embossed concentric circles that help make a strong first impression. The back of the box features the same design as the card backs, which we'll see in a moment, while a custom seal completes the overall presentation.
All the faces are heavily customized, especially the court cards, and that immediately makes this deck feel unique and special. The court cards are either all red or all black, and the minimalist colour scheme helps accentuate the styish artwork. The pips are also very stylized without being over-the-top, to ensure that the deck doesn't abandon all practicality.
I especially love the Aces, each of which has a single Giant pip inscribed with a labyrinth design that picks up some of the feel of the card backs. The Ace of Spades is particularly lush, with a rich metallic stripe of gold decorating the outskirts of the over-sized pip, along with a banner that reads "King & Legacy".
The card backs have an ornate and classy design that incorporates all kinds of icons and symbols into the design, and the more you look the more you will see, like music notes, eyes, flowers, and fish, in an overall pattern that looks like a labyrinth.
The secret markings are easy to read, and an additional card provided with the deck provides a complete key to the marking system. It will literally take you less than 30 seconds to learn and master, despite being well integrated into the pattern on opposite corners of the card backs, with a cursive font style assisting in their disguise.
The Orbit series from Chris "Orbit" Brown is extremely popular with card flourishers, in part because of the circle design on the card backs. So it may come as a surprise to see the Orbit v7 deck on this list. A marked deck?
Surprisingly, yes it is. The creator doesn't even market this as a marked deck, which I think is a mistake on their part. There's a real risk some people could buy this deck, thinking it is an ordinary deck that could be used for poker, card games, or magic, and it would be a real bummer to discover after the fact that it's marked. So I do wish the publisher had been more transparent about the fact that it is a marked deck, unlike the other Orbit decks, because buyers have the right to know what they're getting. But that's a minor complaint, because I do really like the deck.
The colour of the tuck box and card back immediately give some indication of the 80s feel that this version of the Orbit deck seeks to capture, with blue and pink. These colours also return on the card faces.
The style of the face cards has a somewhat standard look, but I appreciate the fact that there are some deviations in the usual font and artwork, to help give this deck a personality of its own, while still looking very familiar. At least three of the court cards are actually based on real people that the designer is close to. Two astronaut Jokers also inject some humor and colour to the faces.
Version 1 of this deck first appeared in 2015, and the Orbit decks have proven to be a big hit in the cardistry world. Thematically, the series is considered to be a tribute to space exploration, with the hint of some sci-fi. Many small touches in the artwork of the deck are inspired by different aspects of space travel or details from our planets. The card backs in some versions picture a rocket travelling around our space circle, but in Version 7 we instead see constellations of stars which surround around our pink epicenter as a beautiful star belt.
I have a few of the previous Orbit decks, and I can see that it was a good move to combine a retro look with a proven design, so Version 7 has what it takes to be a popular choice for cardistry. One only needs to look to the stars to find the marking system, and it's really quite ingenious. Once you know it, the markings will be very obvious to you, but I can see that they will completely escape the notice of all but the most observant. It's very clever and well done, and while perhaps not suitable for a professional card worker, it's certainly a marked deck you can have fun with.
Last but not least are the DMC Elites, and it could even be argued that I've saved the best in this category for last. The publisher brands this as an "optical system" due to the unorthodox style of the markings, but I still consider this a reader deck because you are still reading the suit and value, and there's no real system to learn.
As our gateway to the magic inside, the tuck box of the DMC Elites deck (Forest Green edition) is a matt finish in forest green, and is finished with gold foil touches for a classy look.
DMC represents the initials of English magician and card shark, Drummond Money-Coutts, who has been the subject of several TV magic specials. Money-Coutts has teamed up with magic creator Phil Smith to produce a series of decks called DMC Elites, and this is considered version 4. The formula that made previous DMC Elites decks so successful is continued, but for the first time the markings are now on all four corners, not just two.
Everything is relatively standard, besides a custom Ace of Spades and the stylish silhouette Jokers, one of which has a card reveal, so it's a great deck well-suited for professional use. Two ad cards cover a short introduction to the Elites decks, and instructions about the marking system.
What makes the DMC Elites so highly regarded is that these cards don't require you to squint in order to try to make out the semi-hidden or tiny markings. Instead, the marking system on these decks is in plain sight, and works best when viewed from a distance. And yet unless you know the key, it's completely undetectable.
Many in the world of magic consider these innovative decks to be the best in the business for exactly this reason. Even pros will struggle to find the markings unless they've been let in on the secret!
There's frequent debate about which marked decks on the market are best, and it's not something that I'm going to even attempt to answer, because this often depends on what your needs are, and in what setting you're using a marked deck in the first place. If you are choosing a deck marked with a reader system, you do want to be sure that your eyesight is good enough to easily pick up the markings, and that the text isn't too small, so that will be a big consideration.
If you're looking for a simple reader deck that won't draw attention to itself, your best bet is the Marked Maiden Back deck. The beauty of this deck lies in how ordinary it looks. Because it looks like a standard Bicycle deck, there's no reason for spectators to even think there is anything unusual about it. In contrast, a more customized deck does run the risk of drawing extra scrutiny or suspicion. My copy of the Marked Maiden Back deck also came with free access to two online videos from Jon Armstrong and Rick Lax, which provided some wonderful ideas for routines with marked cards, which was a real bonus.
Another good choice for workers is the Keepers v2 Red deck, due to the standard look of the face cards. The Red Cohort deck makes a good choice for similar reasons. Both of these decks are printed by Cartamundi, so they will handle slightly different than a Bicycle deck.
If you're looking for cards that can be easily read, even from a significant distance away, then the DMC Elites deck is a clear winner. Some reader decks have well disguised markings but you have to squint to read or interpret them, but there's no issue with that at all with the DMC Elites, because you can practically read them from across the room. The deck includes an instruction card that tells you all you need to know to read the markings, but there's also a terrific companion book available for separate purchase. Entitled Passport to Marked Decks, and by the creators of the deck, DMC and Phil Smith, this 32 page mini-book explains the deck along with instructions for nine different effects you can do with it.
What about decks with coded systems of markings? Look for more information about that in a follow-up article!
Author's note: I first published this article at PlayingCardDecks here.
submitted by EndersGame_Reviewer to playingcards [link] [comments]

In need of help

Hello colleagues,
This is my first time ever posting on here, so please bear with me. My personal story goes something like this.
I have always been intrigued by gambling. My dad used to be an avid gambler. Another one of my family members was a big gambler (to the point where she recently had to check herself into rehab for it). Thinking of my childhood, gambling was always present and I always loved the idea of it. I loved learning about the games, the strategies. Seeing how quickly money could be made drew me in. I dabbled occasionally with poker nights, playing black jack with my dad, having contests with NFL games where my dad and I would see who could do better ATS on a weekly basis. It was never a "problem" until recently. He took me straight from one of my high school baseball games to an 18+ casino on my 18th birthday.

I am now 28 years old. I just graduated from medical school and am about to begin the next phase of my training as a resident in neurosurgery. There has been a lot of downtime before we start residency, and one of my friends from back home, who is also a problem gambler, was able to set me up with a gambling account through an online bookie. In the winter, I began betting on a few NBA games here and there, and I was making decent money - couple hundred bucks a week pretty consistently. Soon thereafter, I discovered live betting. This is where the wheels started to fall off. I began betting random sports - tennis, cricket, etc - and started losing. Big. Soon the dollar amount didn't even matter. I kept telling myself that I was smarter than the average gambler, so I was one or two big bets away from getting back within striking distance of even. This was obviously not the case. Chasing these bets did not work, and I kept digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. This self-destructive pattern has continued and has reached a breaking point for me. I had to ask my dad for a loan for money to pay off gambling debts. I was honest with him about it. He was furious but understood and agreed to help me out, as long as I stopped. I told him I certainly would. Well, my account saw that my betting had slowed down, so offered me a free play credit. This drew me back in, and I lost all of the money he had loaned me. I then had to turn to my mom for a loan as well. I was not as honest with her because I knew if I told her I had been gambling she would be devastated. She lectured me about personal finance until the point hit home but did agree to help out. She point blank asked me if I had been gambling, as she knew it ran in my family, and I lied to her repeatedly.
I am embarrassed. I am having a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. The debt I am in is definitely concerning. However, it is not the debt that troubles me the most. I know I am entering into a high-paying field, so as long as I am able to maximize my training as a resident I will be fortunate enough to eventually achieve financial security. What troubles me the most is the guilt I am feeling - for lying to my parents and trying to cover up the severity of this issue. I am also worried because I do not know how to stop.
Like many of you on this thread, I have a major problem with gambling. I have come to the realization that I cannot beat this disease alone. I am turning to you all for advice. I am ready to change. I know I cannot keep on like this. I know I will never come out on top with gambling. I have demonstrated time and time again that I do not have the self-control to quit when I am ahead and to make reasonable bets. The guilt is eating away at me. I am trying to move forward from this and live my life. I would greatly appreciate some words of advice for how I can make sure this problem truly is put to bed.

Thank you all in advance. Reading some of these threads has been a great inspiration already. I appreciate any help I can get.
submitted by bigdog_6969 to problemgambling [link] [comments]

[Warmaster] Part 2: A Polite Invitation to War

Sorry for the delay. First version didn’t feel right. I edited it until it was nice and smooth; however, I still didn’t like it. Came to realize it was just plain boring. Since that won’t do, it got spaced. Hopefully, this rewrite will be more interesting. It’s some necessary backstory before Part 3.
~ 9 months before the end of Part 1
Titan Orbital Shipyard / Docking Port
The flicker of pseudo-motion caught Lieutenant Commander Thomas Johnson’s eye as he looked out into the void. He shook his head as he tried to square his mind’s understanding that FTL travel didn’t generate light with his own eyes telling him there was a small glint of light anytime a ship reentered local space. He watched the corvette approach the docking port. She had nice clean lines and a subtle curve that radiated speed. Granted, she did have the newer, faster FTL drive, but that wasn’t what he marveled at; she was simply beautiful. There was no other word for it. That, right there, was a gorgeous ship, and he was going to be her XO. Once the docking bridge was extended, he tossed his seabag down the metal tube that connected the two ships and floated after it. If he paid any mind to his own weightlessness, it was his own no nonsense approval of not wasting power on artificial gravity for what amounted to a temporary hallway.

FNS Shirataka / Docking Port
Lieutenant Commander Johnson flipped over in the weightless corridor and landed on two feet in the corvette’s artificial gravity before catching the strap of his full seabag. The young ensign sent to greet him was clearly surprised by the maneuver. The skipper came up behind the young woman and politely cleared his throat. She started noticeably before regaining her composure.
“Thank you Ensign Linn. Given that I watched the lieutenant commander adjust to local gravity – perfectly, I might add – it would appear that you owe the chief a small wager. I’ll take it from here.”
She flushed. “Yes, sir.” With that, she turned and walked away, quickly.
Lieutenant Commander Johnson couldn’t help but smile. He had liked the skipper since they had worked together a few years back on Centaur base. Also, he wholeheartedly approved of scaring ensigns witless. Especially those who should know better than to bet against a chief petty officer. Doubly so for letting the skipper find out about it. Johnson saluted, “Request permission to come aboard, sir.”
“Permission granted. Welcome aboard, Thomas.”
“What did the poor butterbar do to deserve that, Hiroki?”
Commander Morita Hiroki smiled. “Half the time she might as well be a page from the academy textbooks. The other half … she’s good. Very good. If we can get her to start thinking laterally more often, she’ll make a very fine officer.” He paused. “So, that’s now your job, Thomas.” It wasn’t a question.
Almost on reflex, Thomas responded, “Aye, sir.” He patted the strap on his seabag and asked, “Any idea why we still call these seabags? Wouldn’t they be spacebags?”
Hiroki somehow managed to arch a single eyebrow under the combined weight of several silent questions. They were, in rough order, “Are you serious? Did you really expect me to dignify that with an answer? Why did you ask your CO a stupid question less than a minute after reporting for duty? What did I do to deserve this?”
“Ah. Never mind that, sir. I believe the ship will have a historical wiki in the computer. Other than Ensign Linn, what else do I need to address?”
Hiroki nodded. Thomas might have a tendency to ask odd questions, but it was merely indicative of his non-linear thinking. Something Ensign Linn desperately needed to learn. Not to mention that when the chips were down, he was a man you could rely on. And, it was convenient, if occasionally annoying, to have an officer that would make sure the ship had whatever she needed. Thomas had developed a reputation for ‘requisitioning’ equipment and supplies that would turn even the most flexible of supply sergeant green with envy.
“Yes. Officer’s briefing at 1400 hours. Dinner with the bridge crew at 1900 hours. Other than that, it’s a shakedown cruise, so here’s the list.” His extended arm held a medium sized tablet. By way of explanation he added, “The ship’s AR interface isn’t operational.” After a moment he continued, “For the past week, the technicians have sworn it will only take two more days. Make that item one on your list.”

FNS Shirataka / Wardroom
The wardroom aboard Shirataka was set up for an informal dinner with a communal table and a buffet of various Asian dishes with a slight bias toward Japanese fare. There was polite chatter and some laughter. Hiroki breathed in the miso aroma and then said, “Itadakimasu.” He was about to start eating his soup when his new XO entered the room. He couldn’t help but stare; Thomas’ face was covered with what appeared to be electrical burns.
“Well, Skipper, I figured out what happened to the AR system. Unfortunately, there was a small malfunction of a completely unrelated system.”
Behind him stood Lieutenant Song. “Malfunction my ass. You could have gotten yourself killed pulling that stunt. Captain, please tell our XO that I am an engineer, not a doctor. If he get his face melted off, that’s not on me.” With that, she stormed over to the buffet table and loaded up a bowl with some soup before grabbing some fish and noodles.
Hiroki looked at Lieutenant Song for a moment and nodded. Then he began to slurp the miso.
Thomas smiled weakly. “On the upside, the technicians will have all of it sorted by mess tomorrow.”
Hiroki quirked an eyebrow that seemed to say, “Oh, really?”
Thomas grabbed a bowl of noodles and vegetables before begging to wolf them down. He glanced over at Ensign Linn who appeared to be very confused. She was looked at the two lieutenant sitting across from her. Both appeared to be praying over their food. He shrugged, then asked, “Never seen a man pray before, Ensign?”
She glanced over at him and asked, “I guess I just assumed all the religious folks were gone. I mean, there are non-human sapients and there’s no evidence of anything like an afterlife. I don’t get it.”
“Zo, vai don yaskem?” he said with a mouthful. Then, after swallowing, he put the suggestion into practice. He squinted enough to read the nametape and asked, “Hey, Svensson, you Catholic? Looks like you’re wearing a rosary.”
“Nah,” responded the other lieutenant, “he’s a full on pagan, heathen, and heretic.” Lieutenant Svensson shot back, “And, you’re a knee-scraping, submissive beggar who doesn’t respect himself.”
Seeing the look of utter shock and surprise on the Ensign’s face they both burst out laughing. Svensson explained, “Jones over there is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He’s a damn fine navigator. He also happens to be our very own Wayfinder.”
Thomas made a mental note to ask what a Wayfinder was later.
Jones stood and took a bow. Then said, “And, Svensson’s an Asatruar. He’s also our tactical officer. What you mistook for a rosary is his hammer pendant, unless I’m mistaken.” Svensson simply nodded.
Thomas replied, “Personally, I think its all hokum. However, it’s no skin off my nose. Do what needs done and we’ll be good.” He pointed at Ensign Linn with his fork. “She was confused is all. Doesn’t get why you both still believe in the supernatural.”
Johnson rubbed his hands together. “Shall we give them a repeat performance of the rousing debate we pulled off while aboard FNS Ireland?”
Tapping a device on his arm Jones said, “Sorry, I’m due on the bridge shortly. Night watch.” With that, he strode out of the wardroom toward the bridge.
“Rain check then.” He glanced over at Linn, “I honor the Gods, such as Odin and Thor.” Gesturing toward the door, “He honors a singular God he calls Father in Heaven.” He looked at her non-comprehension. “I don’t agree with his theology, but Jones shared something that stuck with me. ‘Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true.’”
“That doesn’t even begin to make sense.” said Ensign Linn. Hastily she added, “Uh, sir.”
Svensson shrugged. “Doesn’t have to.”

~7 months before the end of Part 1
Daro Tree / Rilchik Forrest / Kran Homeworld
Warmaster Tlak of Clan Lnx opened his eyes. He decided the monks’ translation of the older version of The Path of the Hunt had been correct; he had indeed been able to hear better in the trance like state. Inhaling he could smell the earthy scent of a buos mother and child pair below him and to his left. The peaceful herbivores were blissfully unaware of him. He looked into the near distance and noted a branch of the right height and weight hanging there in the canopy. He tensed his leg muscles and sprang for his target.
As he flew toward the branch, the prey ended up slightly behind him. When his left two paws came in contact with the branch, he partially extended his claws. The friction allowed him to change direction and slam into the cow’s front left legs. He heard the knees snap and felt the middle leg become dislocated. He clawed himself under its stomach and bit into the neck of the braying animal. The calf could do nothing. The cow bellowed a strangled cry for some time before the choke hold brought it down.
As it was collapsing, he swung himself to the cow’s back. He reached for his pistol and calmly shot the calf. It would drop several minutes later braying in pure terror. He leaned over and tore out a chunk of the cow’s throat and savored the experience as warm, salty blood flowed across his tongue. Then, almost on a whim, he roared out a challenge to any others who might come to challenge him for his prey. “Hmm, that felt … cathartic. Perhaps Warmaster Tang’s talk of gods was a primitive way to understand the psyche.”
Holstering the pistol, he pulled two devices from his belt. The first was a simple homing locator that would summon his anti-gravity sled. The second was a plasma knife which hummed as he activated it. Perhaps it was a bit of a luxury, but, then again, how often was one invited to hunt the Emperor’s own grounds? He started a rough butchering of the animal. By the time the sled arrived, he was done.
Once the sled was loaded, he pulled another device from his belt and attached it to the middle left leg of the still unconscious calf. The calf’s homing beacon would allow those of the Science Caste to study animal migration patterns in the Emperor’s hunting preserve.
As he transported the meat back to the ancient temple he contemplated the status of The Path of the Hunt. Most now considered it an ancient relic of a less civilized age. However, Warmaster Grik had died to show the need of its revival. After the Emperor named him Warmaster, he started training with the monks who lived in and maintained the old temple. They no longer offered sacrifices to the gods as their predecessors had. They now offered the knowledge of history to those with enough wisdom to listen. The Warmaster considered that a better option.
Since coming to the temple, he had learned that Warmaster Tang was unlikely to have been a single historical figure. It was most likely that The Path had been written over centuries. It certainly read that way. The beginning was about hunting animals and appeasing the gods. The middle chapters spoke of small scale military strategy and serving one’s overlord with little mention of gods. The later chapters spoke of leading armies in service of the Emperor. The final chapter spoke of philosophy: the honorable path was to live as a predator among predators.
Regardless of its historicity, The chapter on stalking prey pointed him toward his next goal, engaging the humans in some type of fight so he could learn what they could teach him. That is, without either side wanting to exterminate the other. He might not be completely convinced that the humans were as deadly as Warmaster Grik had said, but only a fool would ignore his wisdom. They needed to fight without anyone dying. How did one accomplish that? If only it were as easy as fighting with … “Yes, we need to fight like litter-mates. I wonder if they would be interested in a game of war?”

~6 months before the end of Part 1
Stalking Prey / Wolf 359 / Near Deep Space Communications Relay Charlie-137
The science officer, a member of the same caste, quietly spoke, “Prepare for reentry into normal space.” The hypnotic swirl of hyperspace gave way to the pseudo-motion of starlight as the ship disengaged their drive. He continued, “Warmaster Tlak, the cloak is operating within normal parameters. The human communication installation appears unaware of our presence. Beginning survey.”
The extremely quiet nature of this crew reflected the ship’s name: they were always Stalking Prey. Few of the warrior caste liked serving aboard this ship because they found it hard not to pounce upon that prey. Despite most of the crew being members of the science caste, he was thrilled to learn they understood the importance of stalking before striking. He cut his own purr of approval short lest the crew hear him. It wouldn’t do to let them know he was pleased. At least, not yet.
After a few minutes, the science officer spoke again, “Be advised a small human ship is also present.”
“Interesting.” The warmaster stroked his whiskers. Regardless of what his sire had thought, he found it a quite serviceable aid to thought. “Decloak and begin broadcasting the message.”
“Charging weapons and shields.” responded the tactical officer, a member of the warrior caste.
The warmaster lifted his paw to draw attention. “No. Charge the communication lasers in their place.” Despite the confusion obvious in the officer’s fur, he obeyed. The warmaster smiled. This was going to be interesting.

FNS Shirataka / Bridge
“I’m telling you, Captain. A ship just jumped into local space.” After a moment of hesitation, Thomas explained, “I saw it, sir.”
Hiroki’s eyebrows did their usual. Unusually, he spoke as well. “Lieutenant Commander Johnson, I’m going to need a more precise explanation. You are, no doubt, aware that ships entering or leaving hyperspace do not generate light.”
“Sir, I am aware of the physics; however, I notice a flash of light whenever a ship exits hyperspace.” Thomas didn’t try to be emphatic or pleading. He was simply tired of telling the truth and watching others look at him like he had lost his mind. “Perhaps that’s just how my brain interprets something I can’t really see.”
The commander looked over at Lieutenant Jones. He nodded and said, “It’s possible, sir. One of the things they look for in the Wayfinder program is the ability to perceive stimuli differently. For me, it’s hearing.”
Svensson half shouted, “Sir, ship decloaking on the far side of the relay. Unidentified. Charging our forward weapons. Shields are still at eighty percent of design.”
With the calm of a still pool, Commander Morita opened an AR window. “Lieutenant Song, please report on shield status.”
“Yes, sir. The techs know why we aren’t getting full power; something to do with the power conduits. However, we’ll need some dock time to fix it.”
The enlisted communication technician on the bridge spoke, “Sir, I have a message.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“In peace, we come. In peace, we come. In peace we come.” The technician added, “It’s on a loop, sir.”
Svensson piped up, “I’m detecting a small power buildup in what appear to be laser arrays. Look more like our auxiliary comms lasers than a weapon, sir.”
Hiroki nodded, “Look’s like they are serious. Power down weapons and reduce shield power to minimum. Nevertheless, sound general quarters and set condition zebra. I’m not interested in getting sucker punched.”
The communication’s technician’s voice could suddenly be heard throughout the ship. It came across through personal communicators, the AR system, and the through the seemingly archaic speaker system. "General Quarters, General Quarters. All hands, man your action stations. The route of travel is forward and up to starboard, down and aft to port. Set condition Zebra throughout the ship. Reason for General Quarters: Potential hostile xeno vessel."
Lieutenant Commander Johnson made haste to leave the bridge. In battle, the XO and CO were separated to prevent a single hit from taking out the command structure. His battle station was a small, isolated console with a full sensor feed located in the engine room.
The possibly hostile ship made a very exaggerated, and completely unnecessary, roll to starboard before the lasers lanced out at their shield emitters. The energy splashed harmlessly on the shields. Even without them, the lasers would be unlikely to damage the emitters. The ship completed the ‘attack’ before reappearing to their fore. It then performed the same slow maneuver to port, striking their railgun emplacement. Once again it returned to the fore position.
The corner of Hiroki’s mouth quirked. “I think she wants to play. Do we have any bokuto?”
“Sir?” asked Svensson.
“We need practice weapons, Lieutenant. What do we have?”

Stalking Prey / Command Deck
“Sir, the are powering down their weapons. I … ” The tactical officer looked confused. His fur rippled in unusual patterns but more telling was the fact that his tail was twitching in irritation. He mumbled, “I don’t understand. They had the advantage.”
Warmaster Tlak opted to teach using the method the history monks had taught him. “Do you think it is possible that they, too, understand the need to know their prey before striking?” It was, perhaps, not the best question he could have asked. However, it would put the warrior on familiar ground.
After a moment, the tactical officer nodded. “Yes, Warmaster, I believe they might. That is what we are trying to do is it not?”
This time Tlak allowed his purr to be audible. “Very good. Now, let’s begin to play and see if they can follow us. Here’s what I want you to do.”
After completing the second pass, lights on the human ship began blinking. Dark, almost gray lights were clustered near the areas that had been ‘hit.’ Bluish ones were shown in other areas. Unnecessarily, the tactical officer said, “Sir, they appear to be showing us where they ‘took damage.’”
Tlak purred to himself. “Yes, it appears the human captain is intelligent enough to play after all.” Now the question becomes whether they will shoot back.

FNS Shirataka / Bridge
“Captain, I’ve got red lights showing our damage and green one showing where we’re still good. I think using the backup laser communication array is our best bet for ‘weapons’. If we can figure out how to talk to them then, we could send over some targets.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant Song, I’ll consider it. Get a message to the relay and have it send a message probe for some diplomatic assistance. We don’t want to improvise ourselves into a full blown battle.”
“Aye, sir. One message in a bottle coming up. Also, the station database indicates they are Kran; a hexapod species that look somewhat like two meter tall cats.”

FNS Texas / in orbit over Centaur Base / Bridge
“Captain, message in a bottle; Federation encryption. It’s coded Eyes Only. Patching it through to your terminal.”
“Thank you, Ensign.” Captain Garcia read the message. His simple patrol cruise had just been modified. “Ensign, plot a hyperspace course to these coordinates. Comms, get Admiral Dubois online. She needs to hear this.”

FNS Shirataka / Bridge
Shirataka began a maneuver that the ship had never been designed to do. However, the designers hadn’t planned on Lieutenant Jones piloting her. He was flying sideways in a tiny orbit around the other ship’s midsection. Shirataka’s nose was pointed ‘down’ at the ‘enemy’ ship giving Svensson the perfect strafing position.

Stalking Prey / Command Deck
Warmaster Tlak had never seen any ship fly a pattern like that. Had the blasts been live fire, his ship could be bisected in short order. “Marvelous! Make sure this is recorded for later review. Show damage and try to match their frequencies this time.”
“Warmaster, another human ship has entered local space. Appears to be a large warship.”

FNS Shirataka / Bridge
Texas off the port bow, sir.”
Hiroki nodded and engaged the AR system and connected to Thomas. “Our friends are here. Tell them not to blow up my new dance partner, I’m busy.”
“Aye, aye, sir.”

FNS Texas / Bridge
Captain Garcia activated SCIF protocols as he answered the secure holo-net channel. A life sized projection of his former subordinate, Lieutenant Commander Johnson stood before him.
He smiled for two reasons. He had put Johnson in for promotion before he left the shipyard. The young officer had earned it. They had been the only two Texans at Titan Shipyard and had hosted a weekly game of Texas Hold‘em. Somewhat surprisingly, he even fondly remembered the poker games where the young cad had cleaned him out.
“What the Sam Hill is going on over there, Johnson? We’re showing a Kran vessel popping your ship with lasers. Do you need assistance?”
“No sir. They jumped into system and flew at sublight right up to us. No active shields, no powered weapons. They broadcast ‘We come in peace.’ on a loop. We are engaged in what could only be called impromptu war games with them.”
“Johnson, I’m sure I misheard you. Did you say that the giant death kitties want to have a war game?”
Thomas shrugged. “Yes, sir.”
“Well, that’s got to be the most fubar thing I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s been … interesting, sir.”
“I’ll see if the spooks know how to meow. Let me know if we need to give them a rectal exam with a torpedo.”

FNS Shirataka / Bridge
“Jones, do your thing and we win this!” Hiroki’s emotion was shinning through his normally closed demeanor.

FNS Shirataka / Engine Room
The hyperdrive began to whine in a way Thomas had never heard. “Uh, Lieutenant, what’s this thing doing?” He might have been whining himself. Just a little.
“Remember the Wayfinder briefing from a few months back?”
“The one where we jump to hyperspace without a plotted course? Didn’t like the sound of it then. I really don’t like the sound of it while I’m standing next to the drive.” One of the nearby specialists smirked and turned her head away.
“Sir, it’s safe. Jones’ll find us a way through.”

FNS Shirataka / Bridge
Jones tilted his head and listened to the angelic music that told him where to go. He drifted left and then up a little. There! The soprano voice was perfection. “Now!” They fell back into regular space and the song ended.
Svensson opened up with all the lasers at once. They scored a perfect hit on the bridge of the Kran ship.
“Yes!” Svensson’s and Hiroki’s screams overlapped.

Stalking Prey / Command Deck
The next hit would decide the battle, but the flea ridden human ship just disappeared. How!? He was certain that humans didn’t have cloaking technology. At least nothing good enough to fool his sensors. Yet, the ship was simply gone.
Warmaster Tlak’s pupils flared from slits to fully open as the ship appeared directly in front of them and fired all their lasers. He slumped. Defeat tasted like ashes and sand. It smelled of rotten meat. It was horrible. But, Warmaster Grik’s words were proven correct. Fighting these humans had been unlike anything he had ever before seen or read. It was well worth a bad taste and smell to learn that. Especially since they could keep their tails and whiskers intact.
“Turn off all running lights,” he ordered. “They’ve beaten us this round.” He straightened. “But look at what we learned. They can vanish like the spirits of legend. That alone is worth a thorn in the paw. Science Officer, prepare all battle data for transmission once we are back in range of the network.” He stood and gave a ceremonial bow to the other ship. “Go ahead and signal the large human ship with the Emperor’s prerecorded message.”
When he considered the fortuitous nature of having a human warship observe their battle, the stray thought of gods padded through his mind. No, that was silly superstition. Wasn’t it?

FNS Texas / Bridge
“Sir, we’ve got a partial translation.”
“Let’s hear it,” Garcia responded.
“Greetings, human master of war. Humans will honor us to [play] war. Master of War [undecipherable] will conduct first swat. Winner pounces on terms. Loser pounces on [where]. [Vocalize] on this frequency."
He glanced over at Rear Admiral Dubois. “Ma’am, I’m sure this will be a headache for the suits. However, we’ll be in the stew one way or another. What are your orders?”
With a light French accent, she said, “Invite them to Centaur Base for coffee, I suppose. After all, that was a very polite invitation to war.”
submitted by ludomastro to HFY [link] [comments]

My Story

So I am new to posting on reddit but this is my story with my ex-girlfriend who has BPD. She claimed that she is on the autism spectrum with anxiety but now we know its BPD. I wasn't the first rodeo. Just to get this out upfront, I am not particularly good at writing so I apologize for my grammaspelling ahead of time. Also, I am going to try and be as objective and fair as possible in my explanation. I wasn't a perfect boyfriend but I am a normal guy... as most people describe. Never thought I'd be putting this online! I feel like I could type novels about how twisted things were in hundreds of situations. I will try and keep it to the pertinent details. Here we go. Ill be A (27yoM) she will be B (28yoF).
To give a quick background about myself- I am a decently looking reasonably outgoing and comfortably successful guy. I have traveled a lot and really like to be social. I get along with pretty much everybody. I can be annoying sometimes, but I never needed to/have been confront/ed by anybody, or had bad blood or anything like that. I never really have had any HUGE problems in my life...everyone has problems but I grew up in a stable home with a loving community. In my opinion, I was raised well. Life was good. I was happy.
I started school in 2016 and was really excited about it. Worked hard to get in college, moved back home from across seas to start. Our class gets divided up into groups of 8-12 people or so, and we start small group learning. Everyone is new. We were told to get close to these groups as we would be together for hours and hours in the coming weeks. Our group immediately hit it off. We all became really good friends right at orientation. We were all really different but just decided to be great friends right away. All but B. She said we were too "cliquey" after we all sat with each other in the auditorium on the first day of school immediately after small groups. I remember my first impression was "shes pretty and I bet she parties hard." This was just an internal thought even though she was really quiet, appeared shy, and would blush really easily at any comment.
We did our best to be friendly and include her in everything. The first weekend of school she invited the whole group to her place. She was renting from her roommate that is also her best friend. (She didn't really have any friends, just a few interested guys and her roommate.) That night we all went out and had a great time. Everyone got drunk. I remember thinking that her and her roommate were kind of mean to people but nice to the group. She was still incredibly shy. That night when everyone was finding a space to sleep she casually invited me to sleep in her bed. I thought that was a great idea and so I did. We hooked up instantly, she initiated. A few days later after not hearing from her at all (I wasn't worried, we were busy with school) I sent her a colorful text asking her about her dog. Then we got to talking and it all began.
I had been dating for a couple years, looking for something that would stick, but I was always traveling. So I thought this was nice, and really tried in the relationship. The first big red flags came. She wanted to spend ALL our time together, mostly me coming to her. We spent every free moment together. I was casually okay with this for a while. She would get upset when I wouldn't spend the night every night. I just don't sleep well in other beds and it was affecting school. I tried for a couple of weeks....hard. We always came back to "You just don't want to." She would then pull me in and plead for my time. I thought this was cute at first, and I have the "caregiver" personality so I would often appease her, and it was gratifying I'm not going to lie.
Also, she loved the sex. I mean absolutely loved it. I was experienced prior to the relationship but she really made me feel like a stud. I thought it was special ya know? How passionate it was. We also did it like 5x a day. Consistently. A feat I previously thought impossible. Often heard words like "this is the best I've ever had."
The first big blow up was about three weeks in. We had just finished being intimate and I had chosen to stay in with her rather than go out with all my friends...something I started doing more and more. She then sat on her bed and laughed and talked about how I was EXACTLY like her old boyfriend, one a couple years ago, the one that got away. She started going into weird detail. A handful of times I tried to change the subject and hinted that it was awkward. I eventually got up, it being about 11pm, and decided to go say hi to my friends at the bar down the street for a bit before coming back. She looked scared but fine and then said okay and bye and stuff. Long story short, I brought a (guy) friend back to her place and we had a few more drinks. We drank about 1/2 bottle of the house stuff, so I replaced the full bottle the next day. But everything was so awkward and weird when we woke up (I had slept in her bed with her). Her roommate had a guy over and they both looked at me so funny. I helped clean and left to shower and take a nap, saying I would be back later. She became irate. Texting, calling etc. When I finally made it back she hadn't gotten out of her bed yet and she was sobbing uncontrollably. She was yelling at me "for what I did" and I said I can come back later when things were calmer (in a totally casual nonthreatening voice!) and she lunged at me and begged me to stay, her sobbing getting stronger. I stayed and comforted her, never really understanding what I did. A couple weeks later her roommate, while slightly tipsy, said to me, "You know, I like you. I think you're a decent guy and you're fun. I just don't like the way you treat B." I was like...what? What inspired you to say that? Thats a significant comment, I would like to know more? She looked at me like she had "spilled the beans" and immediately moved to "we will talk about it later." - which never happened. Mind you, the roommate strikes me as a normal/average person. Still does. But she was HORRible to me with B.
Couple weeks later. That thing blows over. I decorated her locker, apologized (for what? Still not sure. Said sorry and things got better I guess?). She mentioned to me that she had been losing weight because of the stress of school. I got her like 24 fun packets of oreos and gum and wrote a cute letter, "Snack on this to keep the calories in while you study!" or something to that effect. Later asked her if she was feeling healthier, if her weight was back to where she wanted it etc. That 100% unmistakably in the context of the oreos and our conversations about the stress/losing weight with school. That conversation got brought up several times about me "asking about her weight," which I am 100% sure was told to others that I was calling her fat and ugly. ...huh?
Thankgiving- couple more weeks in. She lied to me about putting some pot in the bannabread we made for our friendsgiving (me, her, her roommate, and their friend and his husband). I was like "ah well just don't lie to me it was awkward and I looked stupid. I mean it doesn't have to be a whole deal just look out for me ya know?" I had been embarrassed (mildly) in front of the company. Then she goes on and on about all the guys she was with before me. All the one night stands. Her friend and roommate chime in, joking around. She ALWAYS brought that stuff up after we had been intimate and I had politely asked her not to (after her bold affirmations we were an exclusive couple) because it was awkward for me as her new boyfriend. She straight up did not care. I asked over and over. She posted her clean STD test of the fridge, had a bag of condoms by her bed, etc. - all things that were pointed out to me, and then used against me as "slut shaming" and rubbing her nose in it. I found myself saying "wtf I just need a little less jovial publicity about it in the IMMEDIATE aftermath of our sex, I don't think thats an odd request?" Then her roommate would tear me apart, along with B, about how I thought she was a ?slut?? "I told my roommate how you called me a slut and a worthless whore." Me- "No I absolutely did not what the hell?' Her- "Well you made me feel that way." and thats what she told people. Mind you, I was always playing catchup. To me, I was her knight in shining armor. I could do no wrong. But all the looks from her roommate and her BF/SO started adding up, information would drizzle in, and I was always defending myself for, in my mind, reasonable requests, that ended up with a defense of "I don't think you're a slut I never said that." and then the argument would just revert. We actually broke up that night and then mended it in the morning. I took a more casual stance and said "well its okay if we're just friends I just cant really handle all those comments etc. they make me uncomfortable." She adamantly agreed. Those conversations were later described as me "screaming in her face," stuff I found out in pieces over months. I think that me being okay with just being friends really terrified her.
Fast forward to Christmas- I'm out of town and she FaceTimes me with a dude in her bed after a night of drinking. Her roommate is upstairs hooking up with another guy. Our mutual friend is there, he is the fifth wheel, and he is in the corner and looks SO WORRIED. He was trying to leave but wouldn't leave them alone. Also, she had been talking to this guy for a while, had hooked up with him before, and he was creepy. Always telling her things like "You're so beautiful. I would treat you right. What would our sex be like ?" etc. I told her I was uncomfortable with that and asked her to stop talking with him previously. She had made me stop any personal contact with any women/girls so it was not a far out request. She agreed and never complied. Ended up changing his name in her phone and kept right along going. I told her I wasn't okay with that night and she said "Well I don't want to date someone so conservative and I'm not used to it." So I called it. We broke up and she was crushed. Her roommate was saying things like "how would you like that if A did that to you?" and she asked our mutual friend to lie about stuff. He gave me the heads up that it was absolutely heading in the wrong direction. Until we stopped speaking months later she "had no idea it was bad" and "I was over reacting, it was all my fault." Even made me a list of reasons why. A whole long list, two columns on one page.
Fast forward another two weeks. We had problems every two weeks, like clockwork. I am leaving out all the smaller stuff, but it padded the cracks. Never was a break. I broke my back playing peace keeper and was ALWAYS punished and later found out, all behind my back. She lied about everything too. Even stuff that didn't matter. Whatever she thought was the right answer at the time. Mind you, she deals with TERRIBLE anxiety. I mean terrible. Vomiting, diarrhea, sobbing, you name it. A lot of her actions were blamed on this, and I (wanted) to believe it so I would move on. Now comes valentines day. Got her a nice watch she had been wanting. She loved it. We go out that night and she gets into some altercation with the bartender that I didn't see and he tells her to "go back to her dorm room." She was mad at me too for who knows what. She bounces, walks home, ignores my calls etc. I call her and her roommate, upset because she had walked and I thought it was dangerous. Would have called for an uber. Also, I say upset, but I really mean concerned. No yelling or anything. Later, it was described as me "screaming at her over the phone." Her roommate doesn't talk to me anymore at this point. They bully me like crazy when I'm over, calling me stupid and ugly and shit. I am pretty confident and so the stuff bounced off for a while but then it added up. "I would never treat you like that or never let my friends treat you like that, how could you do that?" Her response- "roommate sees what you do to me" and "It feels nice to have someone so you're not just making me feel inadequate and like shit all the time." WTF? Profuse apologies from me. Okay this is the night I really fucked up though. After she got home and I knew she was safe I asked her if we were through and she didn't answer and we stopped talking for the night. I went home with another girl, we made out, but I was WAY too drunk to continue. Like embarrassingly drunk, got sick etc. They were nice. I just ubered home. When I met with B the next day I told her what had happened, hoping for a reasonable conversation and maybe another crack at things. Turned into me being the worst human being on the planet. She HATED my guts but then suddenly couldn't survive a moment without me. I comforted her, apologized profusely, and then got chastised for "not telling her sooner." ....? Then that solidified my asshole image with her roommate.
Couple more weeks, we mend things. I am Mr. Saint these days, doing everything I can. She ignores me at school because she's embarrassed that "I humiliated her." I understood that so I backed off. Then oddly she made me "confess to all my friends and my mom." Which I did. Made her upset when I "owned the punishment" or whatever. Just did what she asked. Honestly, I felt in the wrong. Wrote her a huge letter apologizing, and the made a list and what I was going to do to be better, the things I was struggling with in the relationship- the things that weren't changing. I poured my heart into that letter and it was loving and gentle. I read it to her, then gave it to her. The last sentence was asking her if we were going to try to mend things again or stay good friends. She didn't ever read it again and just wanted to still be together.
FF couple more weeks. Take a vacation together. We had just finished a test and our scores were released as we were driving to the destination. Later she is in the shower and asks me to change the song on her phone, so I do. I open it and she is shit talking me to her roommate, "Doesn't look like he did well on his test. Maybe this vacation will be fun after all." Stuff like that. Two points to make- she was having the time of her life on this trip (wtf?) and she is SO touchy with school. I developed a total poker face for test scores because I couldn't be happy without "making her feel inadequate" and I couldn't feel down without her stepping on me and making me feel like an idiot. We had that conversation several times but I just decided to play poker face and accept it due to the "uncontrollable insecurity and anxiety." All the while she is still saying that I'm getting people to hate her etc. I tried several times to talk to the girls in our group to invite her out, make her feel included, the sent her texts, we tried to do a special activity for her...she shot them all down. Kind of rudely I might add. But it was "all my badmouthing behind her back" that had caused these issues. The conversation would go no other way.
On this trip I said "we shouldn't see each other when we get back." I had felt terrible about what she was saying behind my back and I couldn't get it to stop. Of course it was my fault "she hadn't gotten over me cheating on her fast enough- SORRRRRY-!" It was like six weeks ago at this point. Unfortunately, we made the decision to finish the vacation as a couple and then break it when we get back. Big mistake on my part because when we got back I was a giant asshole again who had tricked her into having a good time on the vacation just to dump her when we returned. I was dumbfounded because thats exactly what we had agreed upon. My mom told me that was stupid too and now I agree, it was an emotional heart tug. I honest to God just didn't know what to do you know? Each time she tells me the EXACT things I need to keep the relationship going but then they never happen. Huge disconnect between her words and actions. Of course, her actions were unconditionally my fault and due to "the way I treated her." In hindsight, I did press the issues. I tried to solve things and get to the bottom of stuff but she would always just break down. They turned into fights but I was always just confused as hell. She later told me she "doesn't need a father figure" I'm like huh? Just trying to save the pain a bit. So confused. Always.
So we break up and she meets this guy at the bar named M. Okay, fair, we're apart. She sees him for about a month. Two weeks into our breakup she spends HOURS and HOURS getting us back together. We started sleeping together again, rehashed everything, seemed to make real progress. Of course she said there was no one else. She used our relationship, her insecurities, EVERYTHING to convince me. I start to notice all the lies and inconsistencies, which leads into more arguing. She had done more and more with this guy. She would have me over after school, I would go home at 4pm to avoid her roommate (because she/they were harsh, it was embarrassing, etc). Later found out she would have M over in the evenings after I left. Finally this dude bounces on her. We are together at this point, so she drops it with him too, doesn't pursue anymore. Then weekly for the next month we have explosive arguments about lying. She was lying endlessly about this guy, over and over. She kept telling me "You cant drop it and cant get over things." I'm like "every stone I upturn there is 5 more things and EVERYTHING was worse than you said and even worse than I suspected, how do I just get over it??" I was pretty adamant on stuff though, she was right, I couldn't let it go. The pit in my stomach never left. I will say though at this point in time she was 110% in the relationship. Trying really hard, owning up to (some) stuff, had a conversation with roommate about really trying with me and that she would have to be nice (that worked for a bit too).
FF a couple weeks. Same stuff continues. We are at her cousins wedding. Her girl cousins roll their eyes when I tell them that I am dating B- rolled their eyes in a way that was like "oh HER.....goodluck." Honestly it made me uncomfortable. I was like "with her own family??" to myself. Peers had done this all the time but I thought/she said she is just socially awkward, which she was (I thought it was cute). Just terribly uncomfortable in every situation. Intense fear of rejection and abandonment. Several times after tests I would finish 10-15 min later than her and find her waiting at my locker, franticly calling my phone with facetime, snapshat, facebook etc. 20-30 phone calls because she worried that I had left. Anyways, after the wedding we got home to my house and were on the couch. I say "You know, I just cant get over this feeling. I feel sick. Are you sure there isn't anything more with that guy?" At this point, at least weekly, we did a whole trust thing where "everything is okay- just you and me, A and B, can tell each other anything, the past is the past" which she energetically claimed as what she was doing. I asked if I could go through her phone and she said yes. I NEVER would do this without asking and she knows thats who I am, she pretty much trusted me with everything, oddly enough, because I legit always did my best to be honest. I'm just not a liar. Would rather avoid the situation, and then you know somethings up. But I'd rather not say if I'm truly uncomfortable. Better than lying to me idk. Go through her phone and find out everything about her and M. She had been messaging other guys too, guys she used to hook up with. Just keeping them in touch though no meeting up. She immediately left my house at 1am in a fit of rage and crying loudly, trying to walk home, without her phone (several miles). I run out and down the street and give her her phone. My neighbors saw her running down the street crying and came out and offered to take her home. I offered to call an uber but then agreed to let them take her. She then sent me the most angry hateful text, saying that I was just "drunk, on drugs, and finding holes to poke in our relationship because I don't love her" etc. 99.9% sure she told my neighbors about the drug and alcohol part too. Great story for the next fourth of July party...
I cant sleep all night, am just burning with emotional pain, and in utter disbelief. She texts me at about 6am and I am laying in bed starring at my phone. We meet up and she is sobbing and apologizing. Acknowledging that this is worse than anything I ever remotely did. Unfortunately we sleep together again. The sex was always good and she had no trouble initiating. We split for a couple of weeks and I go out of town for a school assignment for three weeks. She writes me some emails, poems etc and reinitiates contact. I tell her that everything is okay and we need to go our separate ways. She hits me with the most hateful email I have ever received. Calling me controlling, sadistic, you name it. I don't respond. Couple days later I am just sick beyond belief and she reaches out again. Unfortunately we meet up and start hanging out again. Things seem okay when we're together and then blow up when we're apart. Professes over and over that she wants to fix things, and we do. She keeps lying about stuff and things just get pushed off later, the fighting was never a success, and the end of the conversation always ended with us making points about two different things. She even said "I would tell people things didn't work because of the way you treated me if they asked." I was clearly like "all the lying and overlap with M are you kidding me?" Finally put the question to her "do you think that what you did was wrong? This is a yes or no question. I just need an answer." She ONCE shrieked back in a small voice, "Yes." Weeks later she said "I'm sorry for what I did to you." and that was the extent.
Couple more weeks. We are at the ~8th month now, things destabilize, we move to months 9-15 which were basically on for two weeks off for two days. Always my fault. But the breakups revolved around things like her cheating on me, talking with other guys, lying about everything. Nothing changed and it all got worse. She cheated on me with a classmate while they were on a group vacation. Wrote me a letter the day she got back about how she knows I would never cheat on her, especially on a technicality, and how my honesty made her feel safe in the relationship. So fucked up. I pointed this out later and she was just like "Yes okay." (about cheating then writing that letter the next day). She kept talking to that dude so I bounced and started dating another girl. Later she said that she started talking to that guy because I was seeing that other girl? And held FIRM to that argument. That girl moved and I decided not to do long distance. The guy she was seeing avoided her once summer was over and school started. Like straight walked away from her at school while responding with not turning around. I mean he ran.
Then because "I wanted to know all the details about M," and she was safe in knowing that she for sure wasn't together when she was dating the classmate, she filled me in on their sex life. Jovially. I told her that was messed up, but then it was my fault for wanting to know.
At this point that mutual friend who had my back over Christmas has developed strong feelings for her. She is leading him on like it's her job. He got pretty mad at her quite a few times. By this point she invalidated herself socially by drinking too much, off color comments, etc. and her friend group dwindled that she had made over the summer when we were apart, when she wasn't "crutching off me". She "realized that she didn't need me to be successful." I never have had someone hate me so much for being happy.
We get back together a couple weeks into school. I am depressed and have developed anxiety at this point just due to everything. I don't really know what to do with myself, I had never felt that way before. She stepped on me when I was down. Belittled my depression, called me stupid, was SO mean to me and mean because "I made her frustrated." Over the summer she had brought that classmate to the wedding of a mutual friend. My friends didn't let her on their party bus because none of them get along with her, I never talked about her or badmouthed the relationship. They all personally didn't like her. Everyone at school knew what happened because when she was drunk she told everyone else that she "probably shouldn't have been talking to A and M at the same time!" She got super drunk at the wedding, dragged the classmate in front of me and dirty danced/made out with him FOR EVER. Like 9 dudes came up and patted me on the back, it was so embarrassing. She also kept trying to get me to talk with her in private but I wouldn't. After school started and we were back together, we were later arguing about the wedding night because the girl whose wedding it was won't talk to her anymore. She blamed me for "turning them against her" and I was just simply trying to say "it hurt my feelings how you acted deliberately towards me." She almost didn't understand this and just kept redirecting the argument to me being mad just because she brought him. After saying "No, it's how you ACTED." she called me "fucking retarded" in a louder and louder voice over and over because I didn't understand her. So I got our check and we left. We had just gotten our food. Also spread around how abusive I was. She threw my backpack at me, put a hole in her wall, told roommate it was me. Threw her phone at me, cracked the screen, "A cracked my screen." Locked her keys in the house, asked me to crawl in an unlocked window to get them, I did, then roommate hears "A broke into the house" and has to check for damage....yeah you get the picture. Again, I find out how these stories are told a week or two later, turning any conversation into "I cant get over it" and "well you made me" type of stuff.
So sorry, back to the guy from Christmas. He likes her. She leads him on. Thinks they're together multiple times, and at one point she was talking to him, another classmate, and me at the same time. She hooks up with him at the bar and they start a relationship. She breaks it off with him the following Monday. Accidentally tells me how she "embarrassingly made out with him." I point out that that happened while we were together. She has a breakdown, then we do the whole wrap around again- you didn't respond to my texts fast enough, I didn't know we were dating, we didn't go home together that night etc. Later find out that I didn't respond at all because she sent me a text and then we finished the conversation in person at the bar. How could she not know we were dating when we were together the day before, and the day after? We didn't go home together but I called her an uber so when did it happen? Couple weeks later I found out in happened in a back room at the bar. They hooked up, she started the relationship, came out to the front and tried to get me to come home with her, I called her an uber and sent her off. Well now how can that be denied. She admitted that she cheated but then came up with me saying "I was going on multiple dates" about 2-3 weeks later. Absolutely no recollection of those words, and it was weeks after the events of that night?
Eventually I know I need to get out. There is SO much more to tell, but those are some staple happenings in the timeline. I decide to "wait for the right time" because she is so unstable all the time and I am worried about it. Worried about my own pain too. At this point my friends, brothers, parents, people at school, had all told me to run for the hills. I was finally ready to listen but the breakup happened rather unexpectedly.
She is callously acting annoyed at my emotional pain and the fact that I cant move on and don't want helove her etc. over text messaging and facetime. She said "Well sorry I ruined our 'perfect relationship'" over text. The little quotes she put killed me. Thats when I broke. I said "Well we would have had a better shot without those things" and blocked her on my phone and on facebook. She sent and email and I replied saying how upset I was and that I was done. She emailed me 3 more times that night saying there was a misunderstanding and asking me to call her. Sent me a 1000 page PDF the next morning on "Emotionally abusive men." We show up at school, another small group we are in together, and she starts slinging mud. Saying things like she wishes our groups would change etc. I hadn't even planned on no contact yet, I just needed to cut the big bridges. I got her a chair from the other room and she kept at it when we sat down. Two other girls in the group called her out and said she was being super rude and mean (to the group because she was only specifying me with body language). She apologized and looked over to me for help (I constantly was saving her from these situations by mitigating the tension...say something goofy or whatever). I sat there in silence looking forward. She grabbed my computer screen and tried contacting me a couple more times over the hour small group but I didn't budge and then the message was sent. I received a couple more emails saying "be a man and admit it to me" and "I should have called you out in front of everybody" Then she called me on a restricted number sobbing saying that she had believed me too many times. I was on my way home from the gym and calmly said that I didn't know what she was talking about. She was (I think) referring to a girl that had feelings for me that was recently divorced. She is a pretty girl and B was really threatened by her (we ended up dating but months later, after I had seen someone else for about three months- so no, the breakup had nothing to do with another girl). She hung up and that was pretty much the last I heard from her. She tried standing by me a couple times at school but I would just casually continue the group conversation and then when it was over just go back to my seat with everyone else. She just watched me. She watched me for a while. I stopped all eye contact too and then it died away. She blames me 100% and thinks I'm cruel scum of the earth without a heart. I will make a new post about the aftermath. There were a few more after-instances of note but all subtleties, no actual conversations.

Also I never imagined that the following months would be the real challenge. It was like amputating a limb. More on that later. Thank you to whoever reads this. I realize now that a lot of it has been me venting. Reading about other peoples experiences and BPD patterns really helped me, so I hope someone finds companionship in theses words. Thanks for listening.
submitted by theFutureisInYou to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]

Inside Boston underground Poker Part 4: Bubbles in Vegas

Previous Post:
Interlude (degen stories):
So I had arrived in Vegas, a bit lighter in the pocket thanks to Rich's thieving, but ready to grind. I had posted a month or so before on Craigslist looking for a house to rent, a bit away from the Strip so I'd have somewhere to relax. I ended up making a deal with a family that liked to leave Vegas for the summer. I'd watch their place, water their plants and lawn, and not let anyone else live there with me, they'd rent the 3br place to me for super cheap. It was out in Henderson, about 20 minutes from the Strip, and it was a nice home base for the summer.
For my 21st birthday, my mom, best friend and best friend's dad all came and met me out in Vegas, and we had a nice weekend seeing some shows and playing some low stakes pit games. Everyone went home May 31st, and June 1st I was in my first WSOP event. It was a $2k buyin, and even though I wasn't a big tournament player, I wanted to take my shot at the sponsorships and glory that would come if I managed to be the youngest ever to win an event, a seemingly unbeatable record since it was 4 days after my 21st birthday (although them added WSOP Europe events would eventually have ruined that anyways).
I started off strong, growing my stack very quickly against a weak field. If you watched TV poker back around the time of the poker boom, you probably remember Humberto Brenes, the Hispanic guy with the "CHARK" card protector who was always super loud. He was at my table for a long time during day 1 of the event, being annoying and loud as was his tradition despite the event not being televised. Even more annoying was the fact that his presence made everyone at the table play like they were on TV as well, hamming it up, taking forever to make obvious folds, and so on. I pride myself on not tilting, but when the whole table are acting like morons, it gets to me.
After dinner break, Humberto hadn't returned to his seat. He had maybe 25 big blinds at this point, so the blinds and antes were eating him up, and I had position on his stack so I was reaping much of the rewards. He eventually came back to a 10 bb stack, and I got it in with AK vs his AT to stack him and finally end the madness. There were a few other pros who came to my table, but no one who most reading this would probably remember, they were just minor names back during the poker boom.
We got to the bubble and hand for hand play, and the big stack at our table who was an older Asian pro was pushing everyone around. I had a pretty nice stack at this point, but I'll admit to not playing optimally since I at least wanted a WSOP cash to my name. After a couple of excruciating hours, the bubble burst, and they decided to just break for the day at that point since it was only a half hour or something until the day would end anyways.
I came back day 2 to a 30bb stack and something like 100 players remaining, and I was feeling like I was about to catch a heater. I ended up not seeing many hands for the first few hours, just stealing blinds from time to time, and I had about a 30bb stack still. It folded around to me on the button with about 65 players remaining, and I looked down at AK suited. Both of the blinds had 10-12bbs, so I just shoved. The big blind woke up with AA and I was suddenly under 20bbs. I had no hands until it folded around to me on the button the next rotation, and once again I looked down at AK. Blinds and antes had me at about 16bbs at this point, so I just shoved again, and wouldn't you know it, the big blind once again had AA. I headed to the cashier with a voucher for my just under $7k cash.
$5k profit wasn't bad for a day and a half of play, but I still felt gross getting coolers like that by the same guy twice in 20 minutes, but that's poker. Having only played maybe 5 hours so far for the day, I decided to take the $7k and try to run it up. I sat at $10/20nl with uncapped buyin for the whole $7k and went to work. I ended up going on a heater (why couldn't that have happened in the WSOP event instead?) and left with $18k a few hours later after stacking a few people. The game was still good when I left, but the dealers were awful. Half of them seemed like they had never dealt poker before. I guess the poker boom put a lot of strain on the WSOP in terms of finding enough dealers for the tournaments + cash games back then, and they didn't put the better dealers in the higher cash games.
I didn't play any other WSOP events that summer, once I saw how great the cash games were, I was set on playing those. They were my stronger game anyways after all. I haven't gotten a ton into my style of play back then besides saying I was tight, but this seems like a good time to explain my Vegas strategy. As I found over the summer of 2008, it was an interesting time in poker. Online pros were getting more confident in their live play, but many were still hesitant to jump into large, uncapped buyin games. They knew their 100bb poker well, but were afraid of giving off tells, and weren't nearly as confident 400bbs deep. I saw a ton of players with more pure poker still than me sitting daily in $2/5nl games that summer, trying to figure out if live tells were as big of a deal as TV poker tried to make it seem.
I on the other hand was more of a live player. I had a system to how I moved, so I never worried much about giving off tells. When in a hand against a good player, I always bet the same way, always stared at the same spot after betting, etc. Against bad players though, my style was much different. While still in Boston, I had developed my plan, and headed to the expensive department store Barneys to get my "uniform" for the summer. My uniform consisted of a $2000 Burberry suit jacket, various overpriced pastel button up shirts, many clashing and ridiculous Burberry and Gucci ties, a Gucci bucket hat, Gucci loafers, a flashy $3k Tourneau watch, and a shitty attitude.
When I say shitty attitude, I mean my intention at the table was to piss people off. In Boston, pissing people off would have been a bad idea. I was playing with the same people day in and day out, and a shitty attitude might have gotten me kicked out of a game for good. In Vegas in 2008, the place to play was the Bellagio, and a $5 tip to the guy at the podium each day when he put your name on the list, along with being friendly to the other employees there and always tipping normally, would ensure that I would never get booted from their poker room just for talking a bit of trash. And trash talk I did. If I beat a player in a pot, I'd tell them what I was going to buy with their money. "Oh wow I got you for $1200 there? I think I'll buy another Gucci shirt and tie to go out to the clubs tonight! Thanks, the ladies are going to love that!"
"Why antagonize the others players", you may ask? The answer is that honestly, I'm way too tight. I semi bluff plenty, but I rarely just come out firing with air, especially in a very deep stacked game. I was 21 and looked it, and the perception at the time was that young kids in big games were internet kids, and internet kids were always bluffing. Since I was never going to get bluffs through, I had to instead make it seem like I was bluffing often, without actually losing the money from bluffing.
This strategy worked really well that summer, and I only nearly got my ass kicked once, and it was a time I actually wasn't even being a dick! I got into a hand with this roid monster the week after my WSOP cash. I was testing out the waters at Bellagio, I was pretty confident in my abilities, especially after my nice win at the Rio $10/20 game, but I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be wildly overmatched at the Bellagio, so I sat $2/5. They had a max buyin of $500 in the game at that time, and at this point I was used to mostly $5/10 $2k buyin games at Foxwoods and Andy's, so this was a small game for me. Apparently for roid monster, this was not a small game for him, because when I 3b shoved him on a QTxhh flop with my AJhh and got there vs his AQo, he flipped a shit and started trash talking my play. Obviously that's a completely standard spot to get it in for 100bbs, but roid monster was red in the face and losing his mind over it, and I guess he was a regular because the floor people and dealers were ignoring it.
So while this gorilla is screaming at me from across the table, I did what any cocky 21 year old poker kid with too much money would do in the situation, I asked him if he wanted to play a $10k heads up match. I figured if the guy was this worked up over a $1k pot, $10k must be a lot of money for him, and he'd play like shit mostly. Suddenly the guy stops trash talking my play and starts naming off people he knows who would play me for $10k heads up. According to this guy, he could call Daniel Negreanu on the phone and he'd gladly play me $10k heads up. He rattled off about 10 other names of people who would play me, but I told him "nah man, if you think I suck so bad I want to play against you!" At this point the guy looked like he was going to dive across the table and strangle me, and security came and made both of us cash out and leave for the day.
Around this time, I also met Ashley (She and I at a party). Ashley was a great girl with lots of baggage. She was 19 and had a 1 year old son. Her long term high school boyfriend had promised to marry her after the kid was born, and instead left a few days after, and on top of everything wasn't paying child support. We hit it off instantly, she had watched some poker on TV and having grown up in Vegas, always had a fascination with professional gamblers. Her family was pretty poor, and she had never been to fancy restaurants like I was taking her to. Although there were some bumps along the road (I insisted her baby not be allowed in my bed, she put the kid on the bed and he instantly threw up everywhere), we were both really into each other. She helped me de-stress after hours at the table surrounded by weirdos.
The summer fell into a pattern. I would play $10/20nl most days, I found that it was softer than the $5/10nl games where many of the online wizards were hanging out. $10/20nl at Bellagio was full of mediocre live pros who had a chip on their shoulder against "internet kids" like me, local businessmen who were aggressive but overall bad, once in awhile an online pro taking a shot, and sometimes the big named TV pros if they were having a rough day in Bobby's Room.
My work ethic wasn't great. I was making money like crazy, but I wasn't putting in as much of a grind as I should have. I had developed several really bad habits. The first was that I would often win one buyin ($4k) and leave for the day even if it was a great table. This was a habit you'll noticed I formed at Moon's game. I was always eager to lock in the good feeling of a profit, and didn't have the correct mindset of needing to be there when the game was amazing. This was most pronounced on Friday and Saturday nights, where lines of gorgeous girls were standing right outside of the Bellagio poker room waiting to get into their club at the time Bank. If I was up a buyin I'd start ordering double shots of Patron or Belvedere and then hit the club, sometimes with Ashley, sometimes without her. We weren't officially dating that summer, so I was basically just out doing whatever I wanted.
The second bad habit was that if I won let's say $7k in a session, I'd often put $5k in my pocket and try to run the other $2k up to $5k for a $10k total win for the day. Obviously I'd usually just lose the $2k, but I'd shrug it off thinking "oh well, still won $5k for the day". I'd also do the opposite if I was down for the day. If I was down $4k for the day, I'd throw $6k on a craps table to see if I could get back to even. Along the way I didn't realize how much I was losing, I'd only find that out by chance later. I thought the money would keep coming forever, that I had found my true calling in life, not realizing that when the WSOP is in town is the prime time to be putting is as many hours on the tables as humanly possible.
I also continued investing my winnings in my stock market account, and continued using margins. At this point I had made maybe $50k profit in the markets, I had done really well with a hedge strategy of buying Jetblue and shorting United Airlines. However towards the end of the summer I took a huge hit when United spiked in price one day, then fell back down. Unfortunately the price spike triggered a stop loss for me, and instantly resulted in a nearly $35k loss. This was a sign of mistakes to come for me.
As my confidence grew through crushing $10/20nl, I began taking a few shots at $25/50nl with $100 dead button ante. This was a much bigger game, with $10k minimum buyin and usually $200k on the table at the start, and up to $500k on the table as the game really got going. The way I first played $25/50nl was I was at the Wynn playing $10/20nl (I'd play there once in awhile just for a little change of scenery) and was up to $12k from my $4k buyin. Some guys were trying to get a $25/50nl $100 button ante game started, and were scouting the room. One guy in particular who was an LA cash pro came over to me and pretty much begged me to come play with them, since I could afford it with what I had on the table. I thought about it and figured it was as good of a time as any for a shot, I could pocket $2k, buy in for $10k and only really be in for $2k on the day.
The game started 5 handed, with me, the LA cash guy, a quiet Asian guy who didn't play many hands, John Duthie (creator of the European Poker Tour) and Brad Booth (known for his crazy bluffs and shenanigans on High Stakes Poker). As the game got going, a few things were clear. The LA cash guy was a huge complainer and was capable of some wild, aggressive plays, the quiet Asian guy was a standard ABC nitty type player, John Duthie was a calling station and Brad Booth was a maniac. I picked up some big hands early, and also made several well timed semi-bluffs. Every time it went to showdown, I had a good hand, so everyone was convinced I was just sun-running, but I used that image to get several big bluffs through. In true rungood fashion, I even accidentally bluffed one time when I 3b ATs from the sb vs a button open from Brad, bet out on the T high flop, 3b over his raise and he folded JJ face up, complaining how hot I was running. I thought I was 3 betting for value!
Another big hand was when the LA pro raised from UTG, I 3b from the button with JJ, he 4b me and I 5b him (we were really deep and he had been 4 betting quite a bit). The flop came A high and we ended up checking to the river, where he made a weird bet which I ended up calling. He had TT and he started ranting about how bad I am for 5 betting him preflop, how it's always the person who claims they don't want to move up stakes who gets lucky, blah blah blah.
In another big hand, I raised QJs on the button, and John Duthie smooth called from the sb. The flop came KTx rainbow and John bet out. I raised and he flat called. There was about $3k in the pot at this point, and then turn came a low blank. John checked and I bet $2000, which he quickly called. At this point, I put him on AK that he had not 3b preflop for some reason, or KQ. Like I said before, John tended to be a calling station, but I also had a reputation at the table for always having the goods, especially when I bet all 3 streets. The river came another blank and John quickly checked. I had about $12k in my stack with $7k in the pot, and I decided the only way I was winning the pot was with a shove. I shoved, he flipped over his AK and stared me down for what felt like an hour, but was more likely 3 minutes, and eventually he folded. There isn't much more of a rush than getting through a huge bluff against a rich calling station.
A notable hand that I wasn't apart of happened between Brad and the Asian guy. Brad had bought in for like $50k to cover everyone, but the Asian guy was sitting on around $20k when this hand started. The Asian guy raised and 4 bet Brad, and Brad called. The Asian guy bet out on the Q high flop, Brad raised, the Asian guy 3b, Brad 4b, the Asian guy shoved and Brad went into the tank. Brad eventually called with AQ, the Asian guy unsurprisingly had AA, and Brad lost the pot. I'm honestly not sure what Brad was thinking on that flop, the Asian guy had never even been seen semi-bluffing so far in like 4 hours of playing.
We ended up taking a break for dinner, pausing the game, and I hit the Wynn buffet with Brad and John. We spent most of the meal talking about what a whiner the LA guy was, apparently the two of them had played with him several times and he's always miserable like that. After dinner we played for a bit longer, and I took down a few more nice pots without showdown, but the game wound down a bit and I ended up cashing out for $32k plus the $2k in my pocket, for a $30k winning day overall!
Being the idiot I am though, I wasn't content with the $30k win, and headed to the Wynn craps table...
submitted by robswins to poker [link] [comments]

It was all good just a week ago...

Hi, I'm FallShort003 and I lost $200,000 in 12 days.
I made a new account to post this story, just because I was actively posting on Reddit and became a part of some communities recently and I no longer have it in me to maintain any relationships in person or online. The mere presence of someone talking to me makes me want to break down, probably because I am a person I don't want to be.
To kind of speed through the back story and get to the point, I'll give a brief story. I'm in my mid 20's and graduated from a university with a business degree. During university I became obsessed with poker and sports betting. I was considered very smart by everyone around me but my grades would start to fall off (to a abysmal 75% average) because of the addictions I acquired. I would work here and there and had a student business that brought me some money, but anytime I acquired any I would deposit on poker sites or sports books and lose it. However, I started studying poker like I would normally study school and began to become overly obsessed with it.
After I graduated school I got a desk job as a ~20 year old getting paid $40,000 a year. I would commute 2.5 hours from the outer city every day (one way) to go to this job (that I kind of liked) and take the 3 hour commute back. Why was the commute longer on the way back? Because everyday after work, I'd hop off my train, get into my car and drive to the casino. I would wake up every day at 6:00 AM and be in bed at 1:30 AM for my next 19.5 hour day. Every single day for almost 5 months I repeated this pattern... barely eating, barely sleeping, and hardly upset. I was making $20 an hour at work and making $35 an hour (kept very detailed records of each session) playing poker every day (about 40 hours a week if you count weekends). At the time it felt like I was making way too much money to sleep or sit down and enjoy any meals.
After my sixth month at work, my contract was up for renewal. They were offering me a $5,000 raise but I was beginning to feel unchallenged. Not only that, I was burning out really badly. Every week towards the end of my contract I would look for spots to give my two weeks noticed so I could become a professional poker player. However, towards the end of my contract my manager was always complimenting me and telling me how lucky he was to have me and that I was destined to be something great in the company (even greatness there didn't appeal to me). Then one day he came by my desk with big envelope and a smile asking if I could come to a break room in 5 minutes. I knew what was happening--he was renewing my contract. I walked into the room and took a seat and before he could remove his smile I told him. I told him I've outgrown my position. I told him I needed more. He then showed me my new offer and said he'd speak to his boss for me to get an even bigger raise. This was my first job after school and it was a high pressure situation so I did what I normally do when my backs up against the wall--I lied. I told him I'm going back to school to do my masters, which is why I have to quit. And with that I gave my two weeks notice and transitioned myself into my biggest mistake.
Before I started work I owed $30,000 in university loans. Not only did I pay that off completely, but I built a $15,000 bankroll for poker. I forgot to mention, I hate when people say this or blame their problems on this... but I finally understand that I suffer from insane amounts of anxiety. I couldn't handle the two weeks that I was spending working. Every conversation seemed fake. Everyone was congratulating me for being accepted into a masters program (that I never even applied to), and I couldn't compose myself. I was still facing extreme pressure at home convincing my single mother that I lived with that I would be playing poker for a living. I guess all the pressure got to me, because after not sports betting even once for the last 6 months, I binged off $20,000 in those two weeks. Each bet bigger then the last. My bank balance became negative and I now only had $5,000 of credit remaining. And I was on the final days of my two week notice.
I told myself to keep it together, took out $2,000 off my credit card and started doing what I would do had I not lost my money... $1/$2 No Limit Holdem with a $200 buyin. I started out playing less the optimal because I couldn't afford to be aggressive in every spot in fear of going broke. I was passing up small edges just to build my bank roll back. Within 2 months I was playing $2/$5 ($500 buy-in) and 2 months after that I was playing $5/$10 ($1,000 buy-in). I eventually found myself travelling around the world playing big games. Spending thousands a month on hotel and food living like a king. This lasted for 2 years or so. To shorten this part of the story, I will fast forward past my travels to coming home and having $70,000 to my name (I spent a fortune living in 5 star hotels and every meal being $50). $10,000 of the money in my bank roll was on a poker site because I traded some foreign currency to a poker friend. One day after killing a week back home showing off to all my friends, I woke up depressed. I used to say, one day I'll have a lot of money and eventually get rich. $70,000 felt like what I was talking about back then. But when it settled in, it wasn't really much money. Not only that, I was bored at home. All I wanted to do was play more poker... but there were no big games left ($2/$5 & rarely $5/$10 were the biggest games around me. For some reason, one day I woke up and logged in to my poker account. I began playing $1,000 heads up (1-on-1 hyper turbos vs some of the best online players in the world. They demolished me within 1 hour and I lost my $10,000. Within two weeks I lost the rest of my money sports betting out of pure anxiety. Not only did I lose that, but I convinced my mom to loan me some money (saying all of mine was in a foreign currency) and lost $20,000 of hers as well... this is where depression got worse.
I flirted with the idea of killing myself. I thought going from $70k to -$20k was the end of the world. I took advantage of my mom and had no way to repay her. After days of staying in my bed all day and barely eating, my family became concerned about me. I was in bed for 16 hours a day googling how to kill myself in the least painless way. I came across an exit-bag, and that was the method I was going to use. Being incredible worried my mom took me to the doctor. I was diagnosed with a high thyroid (or low... don't remember) and was given some zopiclone because I wasn't sleeping properly. My mother was in the room with me because I'm notorious for "going to the doctor" and not going. The doctor identified that I was suffering from depressing and a long awkward conversation ensued. I told my mom in the car on the way back I lost all my money investing in the stock market. I told her I not only lost my money, but I lost her money, and my credit card was maxed. Shockingly, she said "is that it?". She told me that money doesn't matter, only family and health and happiness. She wired me a further $20,000 and paid off my credit card/line of credit. She told me to close both and I never did.
Parts of this story are so blurry to me. It seems as though I followed the pattern of playing poker... winning... anxiety kicking in... massive losses ensuing... credit being used... money being borrowed... and all that. Must of happened 2-3 times at different points. All that matters is I was now back home, and I owed my mom $40,000. I eventually paid her back, built up another bankroll, lost insane amounts again to bookies and online sports betting and it got me to the point 12 months ago. I was $60,000 in debt, and began building my exit bag. During this time I was applying for jobs just to show my mom I was being productive. I didn't want any, I just wanted to die. Long-side-story-short, I got a call back and an interview and got a job. I owed my mom $20,000, a bookie $10,000 and was $20,000-$30,000 in debt on my credit products. The job paid $40,000... back to working for peanuts almost 5-6 years after me quitting my first job. It was hard. Waking up was hard. Not killing myself was hard. Killing myself was hard. Meals were hard. Conversations at work were hard. Everything was just so hard.
My main goal now was to find the courage to end my life, but was always set back thinking about my mom and brother and a girlfriend I was on and off with at the time. When someone commits suicide, I feel like everyone around them blames themselves even though I would be the only one to blame. I had the greatest support in the world. The most tolerable people. I spoke more lies than truths. I began working and somehow got credit with a bookie. I won't say what I was betting, but I felt like I found an edge (important to note I didn't have one in this particular aspect) and would bet on games and watch them at work. I won/earned $30,000 during the next two months. I settled a my previous bookie debt for $3,000. I paid my mom the rest. I quit my job again and began playing poker and got out of debt 3 months after getting my $20 an hour job. I don't know how it happened... It happened super fast. Obviously I eventually lost some back to the point where I was -$10,000 before September. Over the next 4 months or so I would go on the biggest heater of all time. I was destroying poker, destroying bookies, accumulating money in bitcoin... and I would build my bank roll to over $200,000.
Fast forward to January 1st. I had an extremely lonely New Years eve. My family all had plans and I didn't because I was too busy gambling to make any and I didn't really want to leave my house anyway. I don't know why and I don't know how, but after being extremely happy for months I felt like I didn't want to leave my bed again. I didn't want to speak to anyone. I didn't want to do anything... And we all know how this goes. During the last couple days I lost everything I had. I'm getting tired of typing and I'm rushing through this... I forgot everything that happened the last couple days while I was retracing my life writing this and I'm back to googling about exit bags. I don't want to get into what I bet, how I bet so much, or what not, but I lost everything. Not only that, I gambled away a friends money that he gave to me to invest in something. I am now at ZERO. No debt. No money. $200,000 to $0. It happened so fast that it didn't seem like real amounts. I must of went 1-10 in bets exceeding $10,000 each (some as big as $50,000). NFL/NBA/NHL/Korean Basketball/Tennis/Russain Hockey, you name it.
I know everyone may say, "Hey FallShort003, you have no debt! You once owed $60,000 one year ago. You're on the right track!". That's not the point though. I feel like I wasted a lifetime. I feel old. I feel stupid (I used to feel smart). I feel like all my relationships have suffered tremendously. I feel embarrassed (I became kind of cocky I think when I had what I thought was a lot of money). How do I tell my family I'm broke after giving out big presents and picking up big tabs for the last couple months? Where do I go from here? I have a huge resume gap (because I can't write my last job down) and I don't think I have it in me to work for peanuts. I was just betting up to $50,000 a game... and I'm supposed to go to work for $50,000 a year? After taxes and expenses I'll have barely anything. Not only that... I can't get myself together to apply for jobs, go through the entire interview process, wake up and go to work everyday... It's just way to hard. Not only that, my grand scheme of building an exit bag is no longer viable because I have a nephew that I want to see grow up happy. I don't want him to have an uncle that missed his birth because I was overseas gambling and committed suicide before he turned 1.
I honestly don't know where I'm going with this but I think this is it: I see so many kids on here saying they lost $100... $500.. $5000... and their super depressed. I always read these posts and think, what the f*ck? It's such little money. I would do some fucked up shit if my biggest stress at age 23 was owing $5,000 to a credit card. I'd take on $100,000 of debt right now if I could reverse the last 6 years of my life. Yeah... I get it, I'm not that old (27 years old) but I feel like a complete waste. I want you kids to know: if you don't stop right now, you'll become me. Maybe you won't go through insane trips and make and lose hundreds of thousands. But what I mean is life will pass you by. Friends will come and they will go. Family will be disappointed. You'll wake up one day 6 years in the future with NOTHING to show for what you've studied, experience, or been through.
STOP playing poker. STOP sports betting. STOP day trading cryptocurrencies. STOP borrowing money to gamble. START telling your significant other you appreciate them everyday. START helping your parents out and showing them your grateful for tolerating your dumb shit. START studying hard and get good grades. START deleting your dumb phone apps that you waste time browsing every 10 minutes. START working out. START eating well. Focus on these things. I don't know what I'll do or how I'll adapt back to normal life. But these things I just typed are all easy to do. Working is hard, money problems are hard, but showing love and being productive aren't.
I'm sorry for this extremely long post. It's more for me than for anyone reading. Everyday I will type "day _" to show what day I'm on without gambling. No poker. No sports betting. Not even betting with an edge or investing with an edge. NOTHING. When I say day 10, it means I haven't gambled for 10 days. When I stop posting days, it's because I've failed my friends, family, and you guys again.
This is probably a very hard read full of typos and errors, but I just lost $200,000. Give me a f**king pass.
Thanks for reading,
TLDR: I'm a fucking waste of life, and you may be one too, but we're going to get through this.
I Encourage everyone to write their days in this post as well. I'll notice if you stop posting one day... so don't you dare.
Update :
submitted by FallShort003 to problemgambling [link] [comments]

Basic concepts of limited information card games and how they apply to TES

Tl;Dr Me rumbling about poker theory and how it applies here.
Hi, Before getting into strategy card games a few years back, i used to be a professional online poker player. That essentially means that i played with someone else's money and in return for a share of my profit i got coaching and game reviews in what's called "a stable" proof: (
There are certain general basic theories I learned early on and i would later teach my students and the more i learn about strategy card games the more i realize how these same principals apply here. I'm not sure how this sort of post will be accepted here but I think it may be very helpful to newer player and may give an interesting perspective even to some compatitive ones.
In a game where the information you have is limited, the player that is able to gather more information and make better decisions based on that information will always have the upper hand. This sounds like a given i assume, but keeping that in mind as you play is extremely important for Three reason:
  1. Giving out information- The one mistake poker player do that is easy to take advantage off when you pay attention if the lack of consistency, betting differently and switching from aggro to passive based on their hand. This also applies here. in the early turns we are often faced with situations where we can choose between a couple of 2/3 drops on empty boards. while thinking about the pros and cons of each card there are many things to consider (what will he likely play/counter? what can i play next turn, etc. etc.) one of the thing i feel people don't think about enough is what will this card tell my opponent? certain card will give out nothing about your deck while others will tell your opponent exactly how you plan to try and beat him.
  2. Observing patterns- In poker the best way to learn about opponent is to see the patterns they play in (Either in the size of betting or the sequence of actions in certain situations). once again the same is true for TES. Players tend to play in patterns, often the card played on the first turn is indicative not just of archtype but also of what your opponent is likely planing to play next turn.
  3. Gathering information - Pretty simple i guess, if you only know how to play a few archtypes and you face an opponent with an archtype you never played, pay close attention to what he is doing, what his win conditions are, how he sets them up and what are is his reach. read about other decks, play as many types as possible and most importantly use that information. ask yourself at the begining of every match: what are his likely archtypes? what cards will narrow it down for me? how does each of those archtype plan to beat me?
and then you should also know: What removals does he have? what are his key cards? what does he want the achieve in the early game (Draw out his combo? Ramp? bring my health down to set up his finish? control the board or smack my face?) asking those questions and attempting to answer them will teach you how much you know, how good you are at making the right assumptions and will allow you to see improvement as over time you will be able to answer better and results will likely follow.
submitted by Lenz12 to elderscrollslegends [link] [comments]

Took me a few solid hours to write this down, type me please

Okay I managed to gather enough focus to actually do this.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
First of all, I apologize that this wall of text will most likely have no structure and I'll probably just think as I go, because I don't really know what I think or believe if I don't write/say it out loud. I also can't really think about what I say because I am going to have second contradictionary thoughts to my first claim, so some things I write here - I might not even believe them myself or change my stance depending on my mood or though process at the moment. I am a 18 year old male with no real identity aside from being an intolerant, arrogant, egoistic and opportunistic asshole. I use the world to my advantage and I do what fits my interests or beliefs with no regards for other people. I underestimate myself and I hurt people (sometimes unintentionally) and I don't care, or maybe I do. I am interested in self growth and using my skillset to full extent. I enjoy listening to wide variety of music and playing it for other people in videogames (haven't done it for quite a while). I like helping people (solving their problems or offering advice, giving money to the homeless on the street because they probably need that 1 euro more than me) if I am the one in control. I don't think that I am helping people but helping myself feel better about having no principles or decency. I also enjoy arguing about anything and everything and showing people different perspectives. Overall I'd say I'm a pretty shitty human being.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
No medical diagnosis but self-diagnosis;
I might or might not have mild ADHD.
My mood can change very quickly depending on other people and it feels like I can't feel much when I'm alone. I am dependant on others to make me feel something.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My upbringing was not good nor bad. My mother was a heroin addict 2 months into pregnancy, but stopped once she realized that she was pregnant. She also stopped smoking for me but I always felt like I was not myself and had to supress myself when I was around her. I was an awkward kid and mostly lived with my grandparents because I didn't enjoy being with my mother, who changed partners every 4 years. We, as a family, identified as christians but never really going to churches or whatnot, so it wasn't a big part of my life, not in a slightest. I was always frustrated when I couldn't do the things I wanted to do, and when I opposed my grandma (she took care of me most of the time because I moved to live with her) I was punished either by getting beat up with a wooden spoon or getting my phone/tv away. If I tried to argue (which I mostly did not when I was young) the opposing answer was either "because I told you so" or "what kind of tone are you talking to me in right now?!" so there wasn't really much of rational conclusions in my family, but I can't blame them, they are all feelers, except for my grandpa which I recently had good conversations with (it feels like I have the experience to finally come out of my shell). Most of the time in my childhood I didn't even bother talking to my family and became very detached to them and turned to videogames and the internet to find the connections that I craved so much. I made a lot of online friends and I talk to some of them even to this day. Today, I am way more expressive with my thoughts and opinions with my family and wayy more comfortable with them.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I am studying graphic design and I do enjoy it to some extent because I can do my work without any restrictions or limitations but on the other hand it's boring, it's the same work everytime. I want to try out more things and I don't want my career to be determined in such a young age so I always keep my options open. I want to go to college to try out if I can do it and thought about trying philosophy, psychology or police academy (detective, investigator or police psychologist) so I can play with ideas and/or people.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
The typical I/E question. I think it's too general and open ended. But anyways, to the point; I would probably enjoy spending time alone when I'm exhausted, tired or just not feeling it and just text or call from the comfort of my home because you get each from both worlds - peace and quiet from being at home and the ability to talk to people at the same time. But when I'm too energized, motivated or just put myself out there I want to go out and learn about people, what they're like. You could say I'm an idealist, because I get told by my INFJ friend (I also observed this about myself) that I idealize people that they're "deeper" and all their actions are something more (more thought out) then they really are.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I enjoy learning and I can be "jack of all trades" sometimes. I don't particulary enjoy hobbies as concepts because it says that YOU HAVE TO DO IT OR YOU'RE GONNA FEEL LIKE SHIT. Take for example me enjoying going to the gym. I enjoy going there and soon I can only feel good about my day if I go to the gym. I don't want to be restricted and ordered around by my feelings. The only activity I do constantly is procrastination on the internet, where I can sometimes learn stuff and spiral down into weird places - mostly ending up on mbti. So yeah, accidental learning is something I excel in. I don't do any sports but I bet I could if I wanted to, right now I just want to sit here and write. As for indoor activities I want to start reading books and learn poker and other tabletop games but I can't find the time to do it because I'm busy doing nothing but thinking about how to avoid responsibility.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I am a very curious person and I enjoy learning other peoples perspectives. I like to start conversations that others can disagree with and show me their side of the truth. I can have many ideas on how to improve my life but rarely act upon them because I disregard them thinking I can do it later. I am curious about the human nature and how it works. I am curious about how people behave when they're under pressure, nervous, embarrased or exposed to ideas that they disagree with or cross their own beliefs. My ideas are more in the moment based off of the observations from the external world. I enjoy talking about concepts and solving them through my internal belief system and then sharing my opinion to others, learning from other perspectives. I don't really have practical ideas - only if I have to.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I would enjoy being in charge of something. It means being in charge of something bigger then myself. But it also means having responsibilities, which isn't so appealing. But if being in charge means being in control of the other people as individuals then I could put the resposibilities into somebody elses hands while I say what to do.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I think that I can fuck things up by picking them up but even if that happens I can always find a way to repair it. I like to think that I am coordinated if focused enough. But I think the world is filled with sensors and not built for N's.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I like to draw when I'm bored, but I rarely start by knowing how it's gonna look like but only adapting to the ever changing look of the character. I have an idea on what I am going to draw (as a concept) and visualize it as I go. I also enjoy graffiti and different styles of it, it really shows expressions of other people by doing them in their special style.
I enjoy reading poems about life or things I can relate to (or in a humorous way - existentionalism oand other self aware and smart ways to play with words and make it enjoyable at the same time). I enjoy reading quotes or concepts of famous philosophers and the art of forming social ties and relations.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
Future is full of possibilities and opporunities to change your life.
Present is a tool to prepare for the future and a way to enjoy life as a whole and how it is right now.
Past is what's behind us and by focusing on it you don't get shit done and get stuck thanks to the power of nostalgia, but it is also important because it prepares you for the present and you have a basic idea on what to expect.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I would be upfront telling them that I am either going to help or not and if I decided to do so it's to either build their trust or help somebody in need, make them like me. Or because I am generally a nice person (who am I kidding - nobody is. Smart people don't do thing if it doesn't benefit them one way or another).
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Of course I do. Society without logic would be filled with weak people. It helps having logic and feelings in balance to survive in current society. Feelings are nice to satisfy our need to feel validated. Logic is nice to satisfy our need to solve problems of society.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
It is the most important thing if you want to improve your quality of life (only if it benefits your interests). Being as efficient as possible isn't a neccesity but it helps get things done without being over analytical. Being productive should be also rewarded, but not being productive shouldn't be punished.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I like to emotionally manipulate others into liking me so I don't feel like I don't belong/am alone against the world. I do it indirectly but sometimes it hits me that people should be able to make their own assumption about me without me twisting the perception of my image (not having to constantly wear a different mask for a different person to fit THEM and THEY'RE behaviour and emotions). I also expect people to do favours for me when they're invested in me enough and ordering them around, being upset when they don't do it and trying to make them guilty to change their minds (I try to minimalize this behaviour pattern) or just being upfront that they can adapt to me for once because I can barely stand anyone and they should be happy that I'm even there and not crying at home for being so impulsive and regretting it.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Learning. Because you get to learn stuff and talk about a lot of different things that might peak your interest. Learning from people and yourself. Showing yourself that you can do it.
Also I enjoy watching TV shows to fully immerse myself in a fictional world with characters that I can relate to/can analyze their behaviour and see how it all plays out or watching TV shows about solving psychological problems/hardships or murders of kittens.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
My learning style in school is learning the stuff for exams at school (hours before the actual exams) on subjects that are not important at that moment. I like learning under pressure but can do it more comfortably when I take my time and have no expectations if it's going to work or not. I prefer classes with creativity involved, without me being expected to have certain knowledge but only using a tool that comes naturally to me (even expressing myself through it). Maths is also fun, but only if your lack of knowledge is not going to fuck up the chances to get into the next year. Solving problems is enjoyable as long as it doesn't require any actual FACTS but only intuition and has different ways of solving it. When it comes to learning enviroments I don't enjoy learning for an exam at home because there are too many distractions and I can reason myself out of doing it by saying that I'm going to learn in classes before the exam. I enjoy physical tasks as well because it requires you to move around and be healthy + you get to learn a skill that you can actually learn in the real world.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I can break up projects into manageable tasks once I really focus on the idea (if I internally decide if it's worth doing or not) and not procrastinate. So no, it's not hard for me to manage it if I get the motivation, but once I actually start doing it I can completely forget how I'm going to do it and just improvise (sometimes I can reason this by saying that if the thing is not really that important for my life I don't care about the outcome as much).
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
In my life I want be a happy, have a lot of meaningful/enjoyable/insightful converastions, being able to accept my shortcoming and embracing the things I'm good at. And living to my full potentional doing things I enjoy.
Professionally I want to be known. I want my name to be out there and make everybody talk and think about it (and be remembered by the things I've done for the society - good OR bad) or I want to be left alone and die as quickly as possible without anybody knowing that I died - missing, not certainly dead.
My life aspirations are the the aspirations that I want personally.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I hate the idea of being controlled and it pisses me off that other people use advatages to manipulate. Only I can do this and nobody else. I fear rules because it narrows down possibilities and you can't be creative therefore expressing youself to like minded people (this is why I love artschools so much). I fear being too close to people and revealing things they can use to their advantage (being vulnerable). I think that I have a fear of emotional abandonment.
I hate stupid and close minded people that never look past their truth and never question it. I hate fake people who try to be someone they're not (like myself) and being too bad at it as well (if you wanna fake it, at least fake it with decency to convince me).
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I am out there, socializing and not worrying about what I'm going to say, enjoying conversations and vocalizing what I think assertively. Building friendships and learning from other people, relating to them on a deeper level.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
I am at home sleeping or feeling like shit, no motivation to do anything and lately - thinking about the most painless way I can commit suicide.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I do daydream but I am also aware of what's going on in the external world. But once I am talking about something I enjoy I can get caught up in a moment and forget about paying attention to surroundings.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I would think about how to get out to occupy my mind.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I tend to make it as quick as possible (or in a certain timeframe in which I can act upon), so I don't miss the opportunity and if it's not analyzed enough and I end up doing something stupid I regret it.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Emotions are not really important to me but I respect that others feel them more intensely then me (even tho it frustrates me sometimes). As I said before my mood can change depending on other people because I tend to overthink the situation and look deeper into why a person is doing what he's doing and when they change my mood then it changs instantly (the dynamic in a conversation...) and they sense something is off. But sometimes I can regret a decision I made when introspecting and it hits me all at once. I'd say that 75% of the time I keep my emotions in check.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
No, I disagree with people just to keep the conversation going. But if they're people I've just met I am going to pretend that whatever they're saying is heard by me to build trust and then reveal my true argumentative and teasing self.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I think that authority should be challanged because they shouldn't feel superior to other people and should consider other perspectives and not act in favor of the law but of the people instead. I break the rules when it suits me for the thrill, adrenaline, pleasure and possible attention (a way to bullshit my way out of it). It is probably more often then other people.

I probably could write more but I am satisfied with what I've done so far.
submitted by birdycall to MbtiTypeMe [link] [comments]

The story of BS and corruption... Long post / may give you cancer -

TL;DR :–
· Me and why I was banned
· CCP Security
· Tinfoil
· Shit Spelling

Dear Fellow Space Nerds,

For months I have been debating if I should write this piece and I warn you now it is long, I have written this and discarded it several times on the basis that it will just come across as a bitch or a whine. But as you may now tell I have left it long enough for many to not care, so this story will just be that, a story of bad spelling, bad punctuation and the worst grammar you have ever seen. But it is my story and I have decided to just tell it as the question “I thought you was banned” needed a point of reference I could send people to. Now I get you will be suspicious but I am telling it as I see it, and if you read all of this then bravo indeed! :)

Before we begin let me just say that the whole banning of gambling mechanisms from a video game I do support and that is my stance on it. It may just be for fun but does it hold a place in a sandbox from an external point of view, the answer is no and should be every time. However it can be incredibly innocent for the 99% that participate, it is however the 1% who may have been personally affected by the ability to gamble using IRL money via the forms of plex codes. My issue which you will read here, is how it was handled and how I was treated rather than the morals of gambling.

This story begins at the start of 2016. Between the dates of the 6th and 9th of January, approx 14 Bankers in IWISK was banned for suspected RMT. This was only several days after CCP Peligro (who will be referenced allot in this piece) had announced on Twitter that he was back to work. CCP Peligro has been a subject much recently on reddit and other channels (discord / IRC etc) and I figured I would give my experience with him and CCP as a whole. Now some devs from CCP are reading this and those who I have linked this too will agree with much that is written here.

Now the claims that the banning of IWISK bankers was due to SMA etc informing CCP Security of the 1 Dollar to 1 Billion isk that IWISK was selling, these were called Batts or batteries.. I know what you are thinking, why would CCP believe such an incredible story that 1 Billion equated to 1 USD... Now CCP Peligro was off on Christmas break when these emails were sent to [email protected] mailbox.

Well the simple truth is that they actually did! Team Security took this as an opportunity to jump on the IWISK RMT train which they failed to execute back in mid 2015 with the whole iwisk URL blacklisting from the in game browser. Now why would Team security hate IWISK? The answer is really simple and can be summed in a few bullet points :

So the complaints speak for themselves however the bankers who had actually been caught prior to this are simply the reaction of an individual acting alone. Some CCP Security caught and some we had emailed CCP Security of suspicious activity who had later been perma banned.

And lastly the blind spot... This for any organisation regardless of being a gaming company, this is just an almost impossible scenario to police and should never have been allowed to operate. But the fact is that it was and as such this was their own creation of a black zone. This black zone had existed for almost 7 years+ with 3rd partying websites. The actual Blackzone has technically always existed since the API was allowed for public use.

Now keep in mind this is not just IWISK related as ANY other gambling or website that allowed transactions to take place "legitimately" through a 3rd party site is a risk. The reason IWISK was such a risk was because literally hundreds of trillions flowed through it. IWISK could easily transact up to or approx 50 to an incredible 100 Trillion a month just by the master wallet alone! (may have been less but at its peak it really hit these numbers)

So IWISK was a massive risk to Security from an RMT perspective, and anyone could claim RMT, and to be fair to those who did, we could not prove that it was not happening. And I will explain why this is the case…

IWISK had a quick deposit method that allowed bankers to process isk by copying the transaction from the wallet into a field on the bankers backend. This allowed said banker to give the customer their virtual isk on the site within 8 seconds of sending the isk to IWISK Corp. This made us very popular as there was very limited wait times to gamble with your iskies.

However this system could be abused right? I simply could just copy a transaction from the wallet and wallah, I have given myself 1 bajjilion isk right... Yes this indeed is the scenario... IWISK or EEP mitigated this risk by adding a collateral to the bankers account. So if a bankers collateral was 10 billion, he could only quick deposit for players up to 10 billion isk. When the API ran after 30 minutes, these would be matched against the players transaction from the master wallet and the banker would be given his collateral back on the site.

So what the hell does that all mean.. well it means that a banker could amass profits as a banker and they could use those profits to RMT with. So If the banker had 20 Billion in his collateral wallet, the banker could sell 10 Billion to a player by just tweaking the transaction to their name, thus creating a fake wallet deposit in the database. The API runs and it will not match the in game wallet, and thus the banker is now down 10 Billion but you have "gifted" a player 10 billion isk to do what they want with.

So yes there was a loop hole in IWISK that allowed people to do this, but it was policed when discovered and this was one of the ways we caught people who thought they were smarter than the admins running IWISK or CCP security. I genuinely believed these bankers thought we could not catch them and that we would not shop them to CCP --- They were wrong.. --- I would often receive emails from players stating they just bought isk from xyz site and they got a iwisk email saying they had funds. So my response which can be verified by Security was always to inform CCP and if I catch who it was I would do the same.

So this is where it got a bit hard to navigate, I would often look at the person delivering the isk and be like "really this fucking guy is RMT'ing....". So when probed the banker denied it and I could not help but believe him. However I now had the issue of trying to work out who and how.. So this is really how the above loophole was discovered and the watching began to see who and how.. I never said or told people that we were watching them, simply just mailed everyone saying, if you are RMT’ing and using IWISK as a front we can identify you and you will be caught. Again this can be verified by CCP or a banker who kept these mails… We caught several bankers and details were sent to CCP and policing of that was now a task.

So back on track to the banning of the Bankers Jan 2016. After a month or so CCP un-banned all those involved. Except for one person “R00gle” who was in MC at the time. Now R00gle to this day denies any involvement in RMT and even went to FanFest to hang out with his buddies from MC. CCP Spoke to him and said they would look back into it, but they never did get in touch with him. Having now known R00gle for many years, If asked the question did he? I would say no every time and he was a scape goat for CCP Security to claim they got "their" guy from the ban wave in Jan.

Remember that CCP Security only answers to very few people in CCP and that would be Hilmar, and maybe Andie or Ned? IDK exactly who but this would be a reasonable assumption and really just speculation from other posts and channels I have poked around in. So on that basis, any communication directed at CCP Security is never going to give you a response, because CCP Security do not discuss with end client or in very rare cases they may, but not to the value add of the end user, and simply close your ticket with a no response. This you can find on Reddit hundreds of times and this is how they operate. This should come to many of you as no surprise regardless how shit the service is.

The so what to all that is, CCP Security hated IWISK from day one. Not just for the reasons above but also because they got told to let it go the first time around (mid 2015) and the second time around (Jan 2016). Most reading this will know about where CCP Burgtarist was open at FanFest and said he was over ruled and if he had his way everyone would have remained banned.

Now some numbers, because we all love numbers and spreadsheets! But sadly I do not have graphs... I could make one but then I would be just trying to buy the super nerds approval using graph pron!

This is the contribution of IWISK over 12 months to the RMT issue. So you can speculate that CCP Security spent hundreds of hours of no doubt, evidence gathering and data analysis which I know CCP Quant had to do. I am sure trying to map all that isk was a nightmare and the promo codes must have made it impossible to determine isk in vs isk out..

CCP released a figure stating that on average every day they ban 50 accounts for RMT or other activities etc... Now this same figure I have seen across reddit on a few occasions and I have used this number on occasion to make a point, and I believe it has comes from the 2014 FF video archive. If the figure is wrong let me know and I will recount my abbicus and update appropriately. But I think when you see the result the amount they ban per day will not change the outcome too much.

EDIT: Some facts for you... 2012 to 2013 30,202 Account banned total.

So 50 Accounts banned daily over 1 year


Not suggesting that RMT is justified and belittling the issue at all, but numbers speak for themselves and the issue was tiny by comparison to what actually takes place in Eve if at all IWISK was RMT'ing. Now if you check these websites that are selling ISK and have feedback sections, you will see that they are still selling and moving the same amounts of isk. Soooo no sudden dip in ISK being RMT'd to the "black market"??? Think about that just for a minute and ponder if IWISK was such a massive RMT operation why has banning it had no effect on the 3rd party ISK Black Market? Smells like bullshit right...

So before I even get to what happened in Octoer 2016.. Several more points on RMT in Eve. It happens all the time and it is happening in alliances or inter corp constantly. Supers & Titans are being sold for RL $$'s all the time and accounts. CCP Tickets to FF / Vegas are being sold for isk along with Plane tickets / hotels and beer money.. Yes those going to Fanfest this year, there will be a few who have paid corp mates isk to fund their trip and hotel stays because they have soo much isk and some people have swag amounts of RL $$’s. I know many that have done this and even many CCP dev's know who these people are. This was discussed at a player meet on several occasions late last year. However this is not challenged or tackled because literally who gives a F, certainly the Devs attending did not give a F.

Hell I tried to buy a nice duder at FF but he refused to take my money and insisted he bought me the beer. So instead I said jokingly how about a plex as I will end up owing you? He said that is one cheap plex, but no you do not have to do that... Now some would have said hey, I buy beer and you gib plex K?... Little did he know that because he refused me spending my own money and just wanted to buy me a beer out of principle and in his own words "you have done a lot for many", when I got back to the UK @ home I sent him 20 plex's! Made me warm and fuzzy just for his reaction as he was gobsmacked. ♥ So If I am guilty here it is accepting a beer and paying 20 plex’s for the pleasure \0/ then yesh I deserve the banning. kek

So now we spin on to September 2016. Me and Eep had a few disagreements over several years and now looking back it was over trivial stuff and I decided that If I had stayed in IWISK our relationship would have devolved further. This being our friendship of 3 years was coming to an end and it genuinely made me sad and disappointed with myself. Regardless of what you may think of Eep or the way he reacts from time to time, he is a good guy and he takes way more flak than is deserved. He is down on his luck most of the time. He struggled with money and lived on very little, despite what you all thought, he was not rolling around in RL money living the dream, but sadly living month to month on most occasions and having to borrow money (which he repaid back to people). And I hope Gonz does not mind me saying that, but I just wanted to put it into context and disperse any ideas that he was rivalling yacht sizes with Mittens… If you really knew Gonz, you would know he had no money and if he had been RMT'ing then he would have been rich by comparison.

So I decided one day that enough was enough and if I stayed in IWISK one more day I would flip my sheet and my relationship with Gonz would be perma damaged. So I left to join Eve Casino who welcomed me along for their launch of a new casino that worked completely different to any of the others currently open. Now I did act badly here and I do regret my abuse of the in game mailing list IWISK had, I advertised me leaving IWISK and promoting a new Casino. As the Face of IWISK (streaming and Media) I tried to justify it as a bit of tongue and cheek on my way out, but it was a douche move. I figured Eep would take it two ways, badly or a challenge to step up IWISK 2.0 asap. Not one that I am proud of... But even after all that me and Eep have remained friends and we still talk from time to time. Some things are more important than space pixels, and I am happy to report he is doing ok and better off now than he was prior to IWISK being banned from EVE. The site is still thriving and makes more $$$$’s than it ever has.

So I am now with this new group ECAS / Eve Casino. The doors are closed for internal testing only and the website was pretty damn good I must say. I will not go too deep on ECAS as there really is not much to say, but the website was functioning but only to a point as it was only half finished, not ready for release. The planned release date was the week of Eve Vegas and much work was needed to get it finished.

So with that in mind that Eve Casino was not open to the public and not a single isk was moved through ECAS, the owner was banned along with myself Lenny and Eep. Here is the list of why's :

Now Eve Casino was banned because they had used the Crest API for the login to the site as part of the "Evil Network" SSO. This included EOC TV and a few other tools that was being developed. The Crest API was not used for anything else other than the player to login and this was approved by CCP for use. Adarics had spoken with several developers who had given him the greenlight to use it as it was not being used to handle wallet information or any other part of the player. But CCP security banned him for said use. So now we have a classic situation of Part A of the org not talking to Part B. When this was produced to CCP Security they just closed the ticket and ignored him.

And yes you got it, CCP Peligro. So again even with Adarics doing everything by the book, asking for permission and clearing everything prior to deploying it or using it, CCP still screwed him over, or should I say CCP Security. Now it is my understanding that he took this information to Falcon who basically dismissed him and said it did not matter as the case was closed. Now Falcon was A) not interested or B) Cant do anything...

Now you might be thinking wait there must be more to this than what Iron is telling us... Nope that is it, and the so what to that.. Around 12 bankers who were helping test the website which had not transacted a single isk and was closed to the public had all their wallets reset to zero, and Adarics was banned for a first time infraction of a rule that had no effect on the game as the casino was closed even though he had a green light from the Developers.

To this day Adaric is still banned and all those bankers who joined ECAS never got their isk back. They had done nothing wrong, not a single isk moved around, not involved in any of the coding, and CCP just took trillions of isk from these players. Soo, abuse of Power you might say? Guess who did this >>> CCP Peligro Mr Team Security.

Next we move back to IWISK.. Lenny and EEP banned for the reasons above and the rest of the bankers had their isk stripped. So again bankers in IWISK who may have been or may not have been involved in RMT was stripped of their isk and that was that. CCP took between 25 and 30 Trillion isk from both of these orgs and claimed a victory over RMT.

Now it is not hard to fathom that a lot of isk was purchased with plex. I often was intrigued if people had been playing with Plex to fund their activities on IWISK, as to me this was fascinating. Take away the human part that people may have been spiralling out of control, this can be said not just for IWISK but for EOH EVE Bet and the "others" who probably had small amounts of traffic but nothing worth boasting :P (still getting those jabs in). I do not like to reference competition as it seems like a cheap shot, but as these are now all dead, it no longer matters to a degree… But yeah the point here is that all that isk taken which no doubt the players had purchased via EVE or Markee etc has disappeared.. Not even some sent to Plex 4 Good or used to reimburse players who had their stuff stolen in game etc.. CCP talk about an isk imbalance when they restore Items from stolen looted accounts, well they have a huge sink to use. But I guess this was taken and written off as profit rather than use what they took.

Whenever people think of RMT or gambling in Eve they will always pick the most known target. One because the most popular and two because law of averages state that yes it probably exists at some point. However this can exist across all of the casino's, but given the most popular will always be the focal point, you are always going to be under suspicion.

An example of RMT existing outside of IWISK I want to share with you is a guy we caught from Germany, who was trying to use IWISK to funnel money to another player. He was using the raffle system buying 50% tickets with player 1 and using a 2nd account on another machine connected via a VPN to mask himself from us and CCP. His 2nd account would purchase the other 50% of tickets. So he was washing his isk. Yes IWISK was taking a cut as the house would normally regardless, but unknowingly being abused by some tard or tards. I asked this guy if he used any other ways of doing this...

With a bit of poking he finally opened up and said he had access to alliance funds and also a corp accounts in B0T. Not B0T holding itself ofc but some renter corps within B0t... This allowed him to funnel isk into these corp accounts and the use of these funds to build supers etc which he then 3rd partied to make RL money. This seemed like an obvious way to funnel isk and I asked him how he never got caught. His response was CCP are not clever enough or lack the resources to catch him... I was a little surprised by this but I wanted more info on this guy. I was trying to catch him out by getting any info I could, but all avenues lead me to around 50 iP's which bounced all over the world across 7 or 8 VPN services which are easily obtained online & his hardware ID's were changing all the time. This guy was the master or RMT and seemingly from what he was claiming (because that is what it is just a claim) and I wanted to know more, hell who would not be curious.

So I asked him if he had ever used any other websites to facilitate washing isk or doing RMT trades. He said the best one was using EOH Poker (Sorry guys). He said that all he had to do was set up a Head to Head and just lose to the person he was selling to... Or use 2 accounts of his and wash the money across 20 accounts over a 3 month or 6 month period of which none could be connected to Physical hardware or software ID tagging. He told me he would biomass on mass accounts, and some accounts he has had for years without being banned by Team Security. So he in private could wash isk very easily via playing poker in sealed rooms. Thus utilizing EOH's system to wash isk very easily with little to no risk of another player sniping raffles from him. I could see his point and he said that he would only use IWISK for certain methods of washing or selling isk, but he would not tell me anymore, he felt spooked by a few people dropping in and out of the channel. Once really confident talking to us then suddenly not so much. So this encounter certainly opened my eyes on how these guys were abusing sites to do these trades and he was boasting of hundreds of thousands of Euros in profit from this.

This ultimately changed how I looked for patterns in the database. For example looking for players who go head to head on raffles of a value higher than x and then expanding this to a large date range to see how long this was going on for. To be honest it was hard to figure out who was who and if it was chance or just normal activity.. So I thought I knew or had the silver bullet in identifying anyone abusing the system, but reality was, I am now more confused over the data set than ever.

So that aside, that was September done and dusted and I have now moved over to EVE Casino. Hopefully I have given a decent overview of the before the final banning and demonstrated that RMT was happening everywhere, but because IWISK was the most prominent focal point of the gambling scene in EVE, it had become the centre of all RMT claims, even though every system could be manipulated regardless of reputation.

So October the 12th and the ban wave and EULA changes announced by CCP.

I am working night shifts and had been for a few days at this point. I woke up to hundreds of messages and tweets, skype, irc everything… I laid in bed and was like sigh this again!!! So I get out of bed, put on my slippas and go to the kitchen whilst reading all of the messages and a cluster barrage of confusion. I make a cup of tea (Earl Grey to be precise + 2 sugars dash of milk) and make my way to my PC. I was not worried as this had happened several times before and I have never been banned in 12 or 13 years. To be honest at that point I assumed it was just a IWISK the website had been blacklisted and all gambling was to cease, but to my genuine surprise, my account had been banned also.

When attempting to login I got the classic “Banned pending investigation, CCP Peligro”… I laughed out loud at first and then tried every account I owned. All 30 of them but alas to no avail. So I started checking my emails and literally as I opened my client, the email popped in.. It was from guess who, you got it – CCP Peligro

CCP Peligro (EVE Online) Oct 12, 15:22 UTC
This mail is sent to inform you that your EVE Online accounts have permanently banned, in light of EULA violations. Specifically, you were found to be using your accounts "XYZ" and "XYZ1" for business purposes, in violation of the EULA, Section 2.A.
Your continued access to the System and license to play the Game is subject to proper conduct. Without limiting CCP's rights to control the Game environment, and the conduct of the players within that environment, CCP prohibits the following practices that CCP has determined detract from the overall user experience of the users playing the Game.
2.A "Accounts may not be used for business purposes. Access to the System and playing EVE is intended for your personal entertainment, enjoyment and recreation, and not for corporate, business, commercial or income-seeking activities. Business entities and anyone who is acting for or on behalf of a business or for business purposes may not establish an Account, access the System or play EVE. Accessing the System or using the Game for commercial, business or income-seeking purposes is strictly prohibited."

So I opened TS3 and those from IWISK was now back on my TS3 server and I started to understand what the damage was, and it was everyone, it was a swift attack from young Mr CCP Peligro.

So I noticed that a Petition had already been opened on my behalf by CCP, no doubt just for their tracking. So I responded saying “I have never RMT’d so I do not understand my ban”. Then as I sit there I read the email again, it was not for RMT as I had assumed... Because it came from CCP Peligro my assumption was that it must be ISK related as that is what he does right. But to my surprise it was no mention of RMT in my petition like Lenny’s. Now I had not spoken to Lenny at this point due to the TZ difference, but the guys on TS3 said his specifically stated RMT, yet mine was for a Section 2.A… So I jumped on IRC and started asking questions with some Devs at CCP, they said if it was not RMT then it should not have come from CCP Peligro, it should have come from another person at CCP. I cannot remember who the Dev is who handles violating of Section 2 of the EULA but we know that it is not CCP Peligro. So now I am confused as this info is coming from Devs and then a few days later I noticed that Nosy Gamer was talking about the same thing. (If anyone finds out who the Dev at CCP should have been let me know and I will update this to keep this accurate.)

So I respond to my petition basically saying, sorry I misread the petition, but I do not understand how I broke this section of the EULA. Can you explain to me what I did wrong…
But the classic silence now dawned upon this petition and not a single response. Few weeks later the petition is closed and not a single response nor explanation or even guidance on why and how to avoid going forward, just simply nothing.

I spoke with Falcon and we had traded a few emails. Not to go into them too much but the bottom line was that Security had concluded their investigation and as such the matter was closed. Nobody can do anything at CCP as the decision is theirs.

So no point except to maybe appeal to Internal Affairs at CCP. I did wait a while before doing this, & Not a single response.

The one good thing about going to Player events is you can meet Devs that you know or have never met. Meet people you have never met and share experiences. Even though I was super angry about what happened, I pulled up my big boy pants and put a smile on my face. I think because of my demeanour about the whole thing being happy go lucky and care free, nearly all the devs would speak openly with me about what had happened over a few shots and a giggle. Not giving too much away, but it did give away a few things that I was trying to understand. Why had I been banned as the reason given made no sense.

So take the email from CCP stating that my accounts had been banned for the reason “income seeking or for business” – Now given I know this is not RMT related as it would just say RMT and you are perma banned from EVE. Yet I am still allowed to play subject to proper conduct right? So it is not RMT as that is clear cut and nor should it be.

The only road I can go down is “Twitch” and the “Game Show” I was pixel space famous for. So I would ask these Devs when intoxicated, was I banned for the reason because of what I was doing on Twitch? The same response, sorry I cannot tell you but a smile & a wink was enough for me to know that I was on the right path.

Why all this effort and having to read between the lines, simple really, nobody at CCP would discuss any of this with me. Because they were kept out of the loop or those involved were told specifically not to discuss this with anyone at CCP or external. Drunk CCP best CCP :)

However not all employees will toe the line, so yes some expressed their disgust to me and apologised for their company & colleagues behaviours and some of the CSM contacted me saying they were appalled by this, and no I am not referring to Bobmon but “others”. It was comforting to know that despite the public flogging CCP gave me, people were still ready to call out CCP’s BS.

So now Its November and I kinda have a better understanding of the reason I was banned for. So I stream on Twitch like many others and the assumption from CCP or more specifically is that my channel is a cash grab based on massive amounts of ISK I have amassed from IWISK. (This was a comment made to me by a member of CCP GM's)

Now if you spent like 5 minutes in my channel like most critiques have in the past. You assume that I am trying to get subs and donations for the isk being given away. This could not have been further from the truth and if you have read this far congratulations…

The channel operated like this… If you are a subscriber you got “Iron” or points for every month that you were subscribed. So if you had been subbed for 1 month you got 500 Iron, and on month 2 you got 500 + 2000 for being 2 months, 3 months 500 + 3000 etc etc…

So the longer you are subbed the more points or “Iron” you got and this is known on Twitch as a loyalty system. You also got points for being idle in channel or being in channel when I was streaming.

Now if you are not subscribed you got no points at all, simply none as points are used to play in game channel games “roulette or Bank robbing” or entering Subscriber only giveaways / requesting songs etc. These giveaways were for Plex’s or other things which you could redeem via your EVE account management page.

I purchased these codes from Markee Dragons store or Greenman Gaming (Approved ETC or PLEX code retailers) and the money to buy these codes came from the sub’s money that I got from Twitch every month.

So I have been accused of Income seeking by CCP, and the reason I find this so ludicrous is that it was no secret of how this model operated. Hell every stream I would announce these code giveaways are only for subs because the subs effectively paid for them. And at this point I think nobody at CCP involved in my banning knew this, because they simply did not do their homework. I would love to be proven wrong, but that would require someone from CCP actually talking to me.

The other giveaways that was done on the channel follow’s CCP rules that everyone must have the same chance regardless of subscription type. This I followed to the letter and back story, I even asked for this to be made as a policy for streamers. The rules also state that this is for “in game items only” and Fozzie even reinforced that on Mittani’s Twitch channel days after this policy was released. He said if it is for anything out of game then do what you want with it, which reinforced the CCP policy on Streaming.

So I followed the rules to the letter and others on Twitch were still not following these rules… But hey I did not care as everyone has their own path to follow and if CCP really gave a hoot they would step in. I am no internet police vigilantly and I do not stoop to the same levels like DBRB for example. Yes DBRB I know what you tried to do and it failed.

Anyway back on track.. A little bit into the world of me and why income seeking is just utter nonsense.. I work as an IT Contractor and earn good money. Or at least I think it is good money. Approx 300 GBP a day or 380 USD a day not inc bonus etc. Not going to be a billionaire in RL, but enough to not worry financially about a mortgage or nice cars holidays etc.
So here is a rough example of what I got from Twitch every month and how those funds were spent. Sometimes it was less around 500 but it varied and at one point was as high as 720… This is puny compared to the likes of Zarvox etc but he does it full time and deserves every penny!

Twitch Income:

Monthly Expenditure:

· Server VPS - 105 USD · Deepbot 10 – USD · 1ronbot 5 – USD · Plex Codes and Aurumn Codes Monthly Avg - 200 - 250 USD · X-Split – 15

Total Monthly Expenditure - 380 USD

So I make give or take a massive:

245 USD a month

depending on how many subs I have, and this does not even include the cost of Electricity / Hardware failures or equipment purchases to improve the stream. If I was to break it down further into that. But as these additional's I have not included are for personal enjoyment as well and I cannot or won’t include them. as it would be wrong to do so.

Also any paypal money left over in paypal get's spent at the end of the Year on a Christmas and New Years special Stream. I buy as many codes as I can to give away (2015 Christmas I spent over 1100 USD on codes alone). So I run my channel almost non profit or at least as best I could. And yes I take money for Beer and Nachos cuz Beer and Nachoz amright?

So I was banned for making around 200 USD a month and some change because… NOPE NOPE NOPE I do not get it also. Other streamers make more $$$’s than me easy in the Eve Category, but yep you got it, it was all they could use to ban me. Literally they used a BS excuse to ban me from the game and publicly flog me.

So yes I got F’d over royally because some fuck wit child in CCP Security had a grudge to settle. That is truly how I feelz about this and it is disgusting. If any of my staff members behaved like this, they would be out immediately without warning. And I know I am not alone when it comes to complaints about Peligro and his conduct…

To add insult to injury he even followed me on Twitter about 2 weeks prior to nuking my account, I guess he wanted my tears…

But the funny part is, as soon as I mentioned and saw this connection I emailed CCP about his behaviour and that day he un-followed me on Twitter. Bad taste indeed sir.

Now I had tried to reach out and extend my hand with Peligro, as he followed me on Twitter prior to the first ban wave in Jan 2016. I used to feed him info on suspected people or anything else that I thought may have been an issue. See image and you will notice the dates.. << But as you can see I was trying every avenue to get these sec people to engage.

Around June he stopped following me, so I took that as a sign that CCP Security wanted nothing to do with me or to aid in catching RMT'ers. I have also emailed and raised petitions of bankers & players who I thought were dodgy. And I also captured one of the bankers via Reddit who I know got banned. That was a good day for Reddit on the anti RMT front!

Now there is the whole unassailable wealth thing.. This made my literally laugh out loud. For a start I know more people in Eve who are station traders and combined have more isk than IWISK bankers / IWISK in general. They could have funded the war against Mittens all by themselves as a small group. Station traders in major hubs selling and buying firesales or hunting forums for cheap BPO deals and reselling them etc also have unassailable wealth. The hypocrisy that it is unfair because you cannot target these people and casino’s are generally untouchable… Well if you know station trading or have half a fucking clue about this game and enough capital, you can literally steer the market in your favour. And I do believe a trader recently and a few other have been banned and they are still banned. Guess who is investigating them… CCP Peligro

@ CCP – I am disappointed with you that you even listened to the dear complaints of the overlord Mittani, But I do expect you to Nerf Market trading so you can be killed and have your stuff taken from you, or would it be better Mittens to write a letter of complaint to Ned?

I was debating and have been for the last 15 minutes whether to put this in or not but I will add these last few bits as conjecture and you make up your own mind. But all of the above is my story and I have no reason to BS. You can see it is open and honest. I have tried not to misty any part of the above except the bit with my email trades with Falcon as it contained some personal parts of my life when I was in the forces / Hospital. But I hope at the very least you can see that not everything is as it seems.

If you control the evidence that is received and you want a group or x people out of the game, you can make any evidence tell the story you want. Forget what you think about me or IWISK etc, just think about it for a while.


· Mittani is RL friends with Peligro and he is / was a Goonswarm Member… · Head of internal affairs left after this all happened. · Head of CCP Security left after this all happened.


submitted by KnabnorI to Eve [link] [comments]

#42 Patterns in Betting. When you become observant of the players at the table with you, you will start to notice whether or not there are patterns to their betting. Online Poker Tells #42 Response time. This is a tell that is very common with online poker. It is a quick sign that the player is not experienced, he is not an expert if he is Conversely betting patterns are particularly important poker tells in online poker. When you pay attention to the bet sizing and look for patterns in the way people play poker online it often gives away the strength of their hand. Don't worry though, I am going to break it all down for you in this article step by step. While online poker players don’t have the luxury of watching out for trembling hands or nervous ticks, the key to online poker tells is watching out for deviations in betting time and reading betting patterns. There are four betting patterns that give your opponents way, learn these tells and you will get the edge on the table and win more games. Ragnarök is here. Claim today’s free Ragnarök entry for a guaranteed prize. The 4 Poker Betting Patterns That Give Your Opponents Away . Here, we discuss four telltale betting patterns to look out However, in the online poker environment, note-taking is the difference between spotting betting patterns you can exploit, and blindly hoping you will win. One of the same tells that is available in the physical poker world is present in the online environment as well.

[index] [9487] [13825] [14435] [699] [4852] [13262] [3417] [4855] [11294] [12933]