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UHC Winner's Recaps: Season 15

The never-ending story.

Season 15 Winners: Team Cheaty Hot Beef

Episode 1: Vintage Beef
Beef, we missed you from last season! Glad to see you....back in action. With teammates Nebris and Pyrao, Beef looks around the area. Beef takes the food, Nebris goes exploring, and Pyrao collects. Who would've guessed? Beef is nervous, and Nebris reports on Seth keeping inventory, with Pyrao remembering killing Millbee 30 seconds into Season 8, prompting a restart. A cow kills himself on a cactus, and Nebris reports it, horrified. Pyrao reports getting a bit of lag, and Beef says "I was deceived my pork. That pork fell in the hole." "I don't see any temples---I see a temple!" Nebris reports. Nebris always find Pyramids, that's his job. His coords are 666, but whatever. Pyrao relogs to check on lag, and briefly logs on PlayMindcrack. Whoops. 9 gold and tons of iron with some horse armor are the fruit of Nebris' Pyramid as Beef digs in. Nebris is coming back, and gets a sunflower, with lag still popping up for poor Pyrao. I hear a Baby Zombie as Beef scours the plains, and Nebris says he does not feel threatened alone. Well, he has full iron armor. "I think my housemate may be torrenting---" Pyrao mutters, and Nebris virtually shrugs. "He has to download his porn." "Fucking heliotropes," he says as Pyrao logs off to go tell off his tormentor. Pyrao comes back, still with bad lag, and decides to restart his PC. "Sorry about this." "Are you...apologizing to us?" Going inside at night, Beef gets armored and Nebris tunnels as Pyrao returns, but with robot voice. An Enderman freaks out and it starts raining, and I guess Guude and Nebris had the weather down. Pyrao jumps inside, escaping a sword Zombie, as Nebris finds another something, this time underground. They dig underground as Beef mutters that the cheater has full iron. "Should even bother with caves and diamonds?" Beef wonders, thinking if the Nether will be better than Enchantments. Beef is now at 9.5 after Gravel suffocation damage as an Enderman trolls Nebris. "I died to an Enderman too one season...and I didn't look at him!" Beef announces. Nebris starts crying, "I just want this Skeleton to go away..."
Episode 2: Nebris Current Winning Team
Here we are, ready to get going with Nebris, the Temple Man. Beef and Pyrao's voices are quiet, and there's a static. Nebris' voice is louder, but not as bad as some previous seasons. Nebris suggests getting apple trees, and Nebris checks to see if the weather is thundery rain. Just trying to see if Kyorge has awakened yet. Nebris gets the Monster Hunter Achievement, and is called a gangster by Beef. "Skeleton neutralized." Pyrao and Beef discuss mineral levels, and Beef admits that he doesn't understand Minecraft. Nebris goes outside, and not much is currently going on, just cave hunting and tunneling. Pyrao asks what the Minecraft day length is. All seems to be a normal day in Mindcrack UHC. Pyrao finds a pretty cave at y:19, and Nebris goes down into another cave, a surfaceish lava lake, and picks up a lava bucket. Nebris wants to 'look' at the Nether, and Beef says that if someone else feels the same way they're in trouble. Nebris sagely nods and and starts assembling a Nether Portal with very impressive precision. Pyrao calls Nebris Arkas, and Beef says the two have 'similar faces'. Beef gives Nebris two flint, and Nebris crafts the flint and steel right the first time. Nebris assembles a portal before Gold, and Aqua decides to enter the Nether as one. This is going to be quite a Nethery season. "I kind of just unilaterally decided we're going to the Nether," Nebris says, and the three head in. "One small step for man, one giant leap for our team." Unlike Gold, Aqua emerges in the open, meaning their portals are not linked, but pretty much any new portal will connect to Aqua or Gold's. Nebris sees a Fortress immediately, and Aqua's looking solid. "What happened to not going into the Nether without a bow? What happened to Rule #1?" "Fuck Rule #1." Nebris becomes Aqua Leader, as foretold by an image, leading Pyrao and Beef into battle. To answer Nebris' question, melons are not in Nether Fortress chests. Exploring the Fortress, the team sticks together, but then Nebris runs off on his own. Beef and Pyrao head downstairs, and Beef gets horse iron, and Pyrao finds Nether Wart, and splits it among the team. Three diamonds come from a chest, and they're two away from an Enchantment Table. What a grab. They got Diamonds first, and the Nether first. Wow. There's Horse Armor everywhere in the Fortress.
Episode 3 Current Losing Team
Vintage Beef
In the Nether Fortress, Nebris finds a Wither Skeleton, and they explore the Nether Fortress. In a chest, Beef finds some gold and Golden Horse Armor. "Fuck the Gold Horse Armor, we have DIAMOND Horse Armor," Nebris says, as Beef realizes he's carrying three stacks of cobble. Beef has Nebris lava bucket the Wither Skelly, saying he's the 'brains of the operation'. Pyrao wonders how you can take on Blazes without a bow. It is possible, but quite difficult as you need a quick spawner trap. The Blaze almost shoots Nebris, but he blocks off just in time. Arkas dies as Nebris gets a Blaze Rod while Beef starts to say an incredibly complex plan for Pyrao. Pyrao calls Nebris Arkas, as a Magma Cube moves by. Nebris heads out to the Blaze as Pyrao chills. Nebris works on getting more Blaze Rods, and nets a second one. Beef kills a Magma Cube as Nebris gathers some Glowstone. Aqua goes to leave, Nebris saying "I know exactly the way out." Aqua saw Gold just as they saw Aqua. Beef barrels out of the Nether Fortress, Nebris avoiding a Blaze Shot, and sees Doc. Beef charges and kills him, turns to see Guude, and Guude gets hit toward Beef, and Beef dies. "Noooooo."
Pyrao
The last one out of the fortress, Pyrao got caught behind Nebris and didn't help with Doc's death. Guude hits Nebris down the cliff, but Pyrao hots Guude down in retaliation, and Guude dies. No rest for the weary as MC comes with flint and steel on Pyrao's left, but Pyrao easily knocks him off the cliff as well. Nebris runs after MC with one heart, but pulls back and Pyrao is forced to go after MC alone. Pyrao kills MC and has four hearts, and Nebris has one. Beef is dead. Nebris is shaking as he heads to the loot. A Ghast shoots at Nebris and he starts swearing, and Pyrao takes point. "Nebris...I have no clue what to do." Beef leaves and then there were two. "This fucking glitch!" Nebris yells as a Ghast starts scaring him. "I don't have the Diamonds!" Nebris chows an apple and the Diamonds are MIA. Finding Guude's body, Nebris finds his Diamonds and his Golden Record. The two run to a Portal, and Nebris has no idea what to expect. Pyrao and Nebris suffocate briefly, Nebris is at 2 and Pyrao at 3.5. "This is probably not the best time to say this, but I need to pee." Guess who said that. PAUSE KILLS ETHO! THE SIXTH TIME! Seth kills Pause in retaliation, Anderz is killed by Seth, and Seth is killed by BTC. BTC is the Lone Survivor. "Episode 3 man, and we've lost like half the contendors. Holy crap."
Episode 4: Nebris Current Losing Team
Okay, with my team out before the finale for the first time since Season 11, let's take a look at Team Aqua. Nebris has only two hearts caving, and sighs at BTC still being alive, and trolls him in chat. Pyrao sets BTC as Aqua's target to kill, saying he can't win. Nebris starts collecting sands for potions, and the course of action is to get melons from a jungle. Instant health potions would really really help this team. Nebris starts cutting down some trees, as Pyrao goes over all the cliches from Red vs Blue. Pause, Etho, BTC, etc. It was the prototypical UHC battle. Nebris eats another apple, and he's up to four, with Pyrao at 2.5. A Brewing Stand is crafted, and Pyrao gets a message from Pause on Skype. With the Diamond Horse Armor, Pyrao thinks about horse combat, and notes Guude's previous experience. That didn't turn out too well, but horses would be fun. Nebris is getting six strength potions, and potentially some speed too. Pyrao hopes this UHC is not drawn out, and I would have to agree. Nebris thinks he sees a person past the lake, but 'could just be a sheep'. "You've got your render distance on max." "Of course." Pyrao doesn't see anything, but you know how it is. Maybe Aqua's going to be jumped soon. Pyrao spams his Strength Potions on his hot bar, and Nebris works on getting them to Strength II. They'll be pretty fierce in combat. "BTC took damage, for once." Nebris places all the TNT, and starts getting some Speed II potions. Aqua has potions as of Episode 4. Feeling less sure about Green winning. Nebris blows the area up and doesn't watch the explosion. Cool men don't look at explosions. "We just need to get down now." Aqua digs in for the night, and the two think about the positives: they took out a team. Pyrao compliments MC's flint and steel, and Nebris is less sure. Pakratt gets a Time to Farm Achievement from Baj's team. Pyrao killed Guude by knocking him off and got MC, and notes Beef's sacrifice for the team. Pyrao's too nervous to drink the four beers he has near by as Nebris takes a screenshot. March 22nd, UHC 15 recording day. Nebris breaks into a cave system with a lava lake, and crafts a pick. Nebris easily meanders through the cave and finds Diamonds as Pyrao gets himself an apple. The guys are still sad at the disappearance of Beef's Diamonds as Nebris nears a Skeleton. The Skeleton falls in from above and no-scopes Nebris, knocking him to 3.5, but Nebris gets a bow out of it. The second Skeleton is dealt with flawlessly. Another Skeleton comes through Nebris' headphones, and he ditches the Diamond Horse Armor. Now Pyrao hears a Skeleton, and Nebris gets A SECOND BOW. Aqua got bows provided by Dinnerbone himself as Nebris spies gold. BTC makes a Crafting Table, and Nebris stays he'll stay at for the next 20 minutes. "We actually love BTC. BTC's our friend. And friends trash-talk each other."
Episode 5: Pyrao
The hey in the song might be heard as 'hype' instead. Nebris hushes Pyrao for a second while he doesn't hear Skeletons. He gets a bunch of gold, and things sure seem to being going well for Nebris. Pyrao joins him, and they hear the Skeleton Nebris was worried about. Really a team caving effort going on here. Pyrao gets the Monster Hunter achievement fighting Zombies away from gold, and says he 'feels like BTC'. They enter a ravine and Pyrao tries growing a tree to get apples, and Nebris wants some obsidian or feathers. Trees need 5by5 to grow according to Nebris, I didn't know the details. A Creeper blows up, hopping over a bar Nebris tries to set up with gravel. "And a fucking bat! Get over here, I'm going to kill you and eat your family. I'm not a psychopath." No luck on getting apples for Pyrao here, we'll have to see what happens as this team has another gear up episode. And as I type this, Pyrao gets an apple. Influencing past events! "This is fun, fun, fun, punching trees for an episode, but it is needed." Nebris goes to the bathroom as Pyrao talks about the stresses of Ultra Hardcore as Pakratt makes a furnace. BTC gets the sword crafting achievement, and Episode 5 seems to be another build up episode. "We have strength potions, and it doesn't play to our strength, so let's not do it," Nebris says. Pyrao screw up making books. Come on guys, you run the bookstore! They team sees some lava, and Enchanting seems to be on the menu, but they need a bit more Diamonds. A Skeleton, and Nebris is at five hearts as Pyrao is at 6.5. Nebris does not like talking in stressful situations.
Episode 6: Nebris Current Losing Team
Pyrao questions following lava lakes, but Nebris says that you never know when you're going to find Diamonds, so never give up. Aqua is just caving, looking for those last few Diamonds, but the two are surrounded by mobs. Pyrao is under a cave layer Nebris is looking at, and Nebris is thinking about going to the surface. It's going to be night by the time Nebris' carefully executed surface strategy is going to work out. Nebris reaches the surface in a forest and sees the sun starting its descent in a sky. Nebris kills a Chicken as Generik tells the pansies to fight with a bunch of !!!!!!!!!!'s and Pak responds that he's RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! Pyrao still is struggling with digging up onto the surface, and pops up at sunset. They hit a birch forest at night, and it looks like the guys are going to rock on during the night. Just kidding, mobs happened and Aqua digs in for the night. All that effort too. Pyrao makes stone hoes in accident somehow, and it's a very scatterbrained episode. Baj and Pak mock Pyrao in the chat, with Genny asking if Pyrao was for real????? Nebris reaches bedrock on his staircase, while Pyrao finds a Bedrock ravine. Nebris explores the ravine as Pyrao gets achievements. "Is it Guude down there?" A Skeleton attacks Nebris, and he's at 4.
Episode 7: Pyrao
The only team not messing with 0,0 (so I think), Aqua is caving, desperately trying to get enough Diamonds to enchant. Pyrao comes up behind Nebris, still with an arrow sticking out of him. "Fucker!" Nebris gets hit again and eats his apple. Pyrao advises Nebris to use arrows as he mines gravel, but Nebris wants to save arrows for people. Pyrao wonders if players are hostile creatures in the sound menu, and Pyrao realizes that sound section was at 25%. "That sounds super chesty," cautions Nebris. Yeah, you'll never ever use that." Pyrao and Nebris just keep talking about how unlucky they are at all this. "This is hard without my Quantum Armor." At least Nebris finds more gold. As the guys stair step this way and that, they decide to keep mining until the episode ends. "At this point, we're strip mining, so..." well you're digging a bunch of staircases which is technically legal. These caves are dry. Diamonds everywhere and none of it to be found. "This is the worst episode ever." "I feel bad for subjecting people to this." What has to be done. Pyrao thinks Jsano is just spooking them out as the guys keep tunneling, digging five blocks, and trying for Diamonds. "I bet everyone else is just rolling in it, like I bet BTC is enchanted." "He's probably in a home somewhere. It's just how it is!" BTC is building a home...but it's a trap very close to another team in a high danger zone. Surprise! No Diamonds anywhere. "I'm surprised none of those guys have taken a hit in the Nether." Aqua is just very disconnected from the other teams. "We failed! Let's go..."
Episode 8: Nebris Current Winning Team
I know I'm a typo machine, but this has been a bad day. Let's see if Aqua followed through on going to 0,0. They do get to the surface and Nebris suggests heading into the Birch forest, saying nobody likes Birch. "BTC might." The guys keep complaining that they have just has terrible luck. You guys have potions, so seriously chill. But no Diamonds does suck. There is a major luck based element to UHC, but that's Minecraft. Aqua finds wolves and their bones do not work. The guys head back near the wall, and aren't even anywhere near 0,0. Guys. Nebris is shocked that Pyrao has only four gold and not eight, and Nebris thinks that Pyrao left four gold. They plan to go back to get it as they get apples. Oh dear, these guys are going to saunter up to 0,0 at Episode 12 :P. Generik Beefs as Nebris makes and eats a second apple, and Pyrao wonders if it was a troll. The team digs in for the night as far from 0,0 as you can get. So much for BTC being the one to hide :P. BTC kills Baj, and Nebris is happy. "I think we're the favorites." "Only if we get Enchanting." Trapped in a cave....for a long time time. "BTC is all up in Baj's grill." We dig under and Nebris says that we always need to do Eternal Sun. After the absolutely painful night digging, I support UHC 16 Eternal Sun. Pyrao pops in, saying he forgot to record the rest of this episode. HERPADERP. They reach bedrock and get redstone. Nebris is at level 25. I mean, damn. Nebris breaks into a cave at the lava layer, and maybe these guys can just freaking Enchant and get a move on. Well, I'm glad for the guys that they found a big cave system, and Nebris finds gold to replace the ones that Pyrao left behind. Two more apples.
Episodes 9 and 10: Pyrao Current Winning Team
Alright, in this episode, Aqua gets their heads out of a cave and does things! YAY! With enough gold for Aqua to get to full health, things just keep looking up. Pyrao finds some Diamonds right off the bat, and there's only two so far. Nebris plans not to get the Enchanter achievement, and they find the Diamonds they need. "FINALLY." The quest from Episode 3 has been completed. Nebris even takes .5 fall damage in his excitement. Pyrao eats an apple to 8.5 and goes to the bathroom as Nebris gets Obsidian. Nebris makes the table and gets the achievement, and tells Pyrao to get naked as Zisteau falls. Pyrao gets two Sharpness I books. The envy of BTC. Pyrao's streak of Protection I armor ends at an Unbreaking hat, frustrating him. Nebris fucks up the Power II bow making it damaged, but gives Pyrao a better one. Nebris gets a Sharpness II Diamond Sword, and Pyrao gets a Sharpness II Iron Sword. These guys are LEGIT. "We might win this," Nebris says hopefully. Nebris goes to the bathroom, and Pyrao actually sees them winning. Pyrao says that he has never won Ultra Hardcore, but he won in Season 10. He was dead for most of it, but a win's a win. But for these two, they've never lived through a season and won. A Creeper takes fall damage, and Nebris thinks he hears a block break. It's conceivable that BTC could've stumbled on them, but highly unlikely. Jsano's Nether comment tips the two off to their situation, and Nebris thinks everything over. With the two's swords, Nebris says that it's a one to two hit kill. It being night on the server, Pyrao starts to peace together Pakratt and Green's situation, with Nebris not wanting to go in the Nether. Pyrao plugs Titanfall, saying that it's COD 4 and Mirror Edge's lovechild. Episode 9 'ends' as Aqua goes to the surface, saying that they're 'Cheaty Hot Beef'. "We're doing this for you Beef." They head to 0,0, Nebris ordering Pyrao to use his apple and potion when they see anyone. Slowly there guys are reaching the 0,0 terrain, as Nebris spots a flower and Pyrao gives us a botanical overview of a flower. Lightning strikes, and the spawning of mobs is beginning. Nebris calls-back to Just-Defy's lightning 'strike' in Season 7, just as Justis neared their victory. Nebris takes some damage from a Spider and the two see the 0,0 Portal in the distance. Welcome to the party Aqua. A Skeleton snipes Nebris as the thunder echoes. The two scale a mountain, and see Pakratt on Slowpoke. The guys near the Portal after firing arrows, and Pyrao calms Nebris flank fears with: "there's only one Pakratt." The guys drink a Speed and Strength potion as they start flanking in the trees as Pakratt rains down arrows. "I'll potshot back." Pakratt rides in and Pyrao easily kills Slowpoke and Pakratt and dogs. "It's a baby dog," Nebris squeals. "Kill the bastard!" Pyrao yells before doing it himself. Night falls as Aqua starts sorting Pakratt's things. This team is all business. Pyrao's at 5.5, unsure of Nebris' health as Pyrao has cut down on his TAB spam. "I'm playing support really," Nebris admits after Pyrao realizes he's had three kills this season. Nebris finds Pakratt's Sharpness II sword and spots a Witch. Pyrao hits her with arrows, but it doesn't die. Nebris only needs one more level for something. The guys like their non-mountain based 0,0 point, and the moon is setting. Nebris almost looks at an Enderman, and teleports the guy away with water. The guys defend from mobs during the night, and dawn comes. DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY: 20 minutes remain. All we can do is hope. I can feel Aqua's nerves from here.
Episodes 11 and 12: Nebris
Oh man, I am nervous! We're in 'Episode 10' (really 11) as Nebris remarks that he hates the 0,0 terrain, calling it 'Death Valley'. Pyrao brings up that he has 55 bones, so dogs might be an option. They go into a plains and hear a dog pant, and Aqua gets even more on edge. Nebris sees a player, that has to be BTC, and Pyrao decides to fall back. Nebris also knows that it's BTC, and BTC initiates the battle. Nebris decides to rush him from both sides, and it is TENSE. BTC starts to pull back for whatever reason, and Nebris sees BTC starting to flank. BTC gets to a mountaintop, and Nebris sees an arrow that he can't pick up. Nebris wants BTC in better terrain, and just hates mountains. Nebris just wants BTC to screw up. Who's defensive now? :P. It's a pseudo-fight. An encounter, and a whole lot of tactics. It's okay Shree, just set an alarm next time for the thread. At the slow rate that Aqua vs BTC is happening, Green's going to show up before anyone dies. Pyrao has Nebris lead at 9.5, and I'm feeling like this is Season 7. Aqua is Justis, BTC is Kurt, and Green is UK. Nebris wants this bad, and he does not want to screw this up. Pyrao's chunks de-loaded and Nebris loses him for a second. Nebris is pretty wary of BTC, and rightly so as he's pretty well geared. BTC makes a furnace, clearly just waiting for Aqua to get it together. The two decide to flank around BTC, and BTC's looking at a furnace. We's just waiting man. Nebris now realizes that losing sight of BTC might've been a bad idea. Pyrao thinks he sees BTC, but it might be snow behind a sheep. Pyrao suggests digging a hole for the night, and Nebris finds a burnt Village. Nebris starts thinking...they could get an invisibility potion. Nebris sees carrots, and they're a spider eye away from invisibility. Nebris heads in the church with Pyrao as they look for a spider to kill to turn invisible. "BTC is a patient one, but we're not going to make the first mistake." Alrighty then I guess. BTC asks if everybody's in a 200 block radius, Jsano says yes, but Pyrao says their team is in the Nether. Excellent mind game. Nebris sees another spider, and he might break his OP bow on Spiders. Zombies are killing the Villagers, and the post-apocalypticness has set in. So, we're waiting one final night. One more night. THEN: dawn of the final day. Okay. Jsano types muhuhuhhaha in the chat as Nebris starts brewing in preparation for invisibility. Pyrao goes to the bathroom as Nebris watches the extermination of the Villagers. Pyrao returns and Nebris takes the bathroom shift, right up on a Village. "Pretty stupid," Pyrao mutters. BTC asks if everyone is in the Nether, and Pyrao tells him that his team is lost in the Nether. LOVING this mindgame! Nebris returns, saying 'nothing came out'. TMI. Nebris bow is going to break, on mobs. Dude. Jsano asks is Nebris is with Pyrao, and he says he kind of is. I love that Aqua hasn't even mentioned the mind game, like lying is second nature. Suddenly, the light starts shining, and the Great Conflagration is upon us. 'Episode 11' ends. We're in Episode 12 now, still not Season 10's raw time length though which was about 285 minutes. We're at 220 here. No Spider Eye and no invisibility, and seems that the RNG has robbed us of great content. Nebris decides to assault the mountains where BTC is, and Nebris' bow is hanging on. Aqua starts edging the battlefield, and they're where they think BTC is, and BTC KILLS JSANO! MAI BOI! 3 kills in ONE SEASON! The portal is relit, and Vechs is on one arrow. Nebris wonders if BTC is in the Nether, and the two go to camp the top. "It's worth the risk of exposing our position." Nebris decides to hang out outside the Nether, and Nebris sees BTC or Vechs up on the other hill. Kill! Kill! Aqua is the king of non-fighting. Pyrao sees that BTC is on 15, and 'we can't let him win!'. BTC and Vechs are fighting, and THE TWO RUSH! THEY POT UP AND RUN! BTC KILLS VECHS! OH MY GOD! AND NEBRIS KILLS BTC! "GOT HIM!" "YES!" "WE WON!" "We let him make the first mistake!"
NEBRIS HAS WON HIS SECOND ULTRA HARDCORE SEASON, PYRAO HAS WON HIS SECOND ULTRA HARDCORE SEASON, VINTAGE BEEF HAS WON HIS FIFTH ULTRA HARDCORE SEASON!
Wow, BTC thought they were in the Nether! Pyrao MVP! The guys kill cows in Beef's honor. Phew. The guys inspect BTC stuff, and hot damn I bet that was crazy from BTC's view. As brief as it was, the season was somewhat redeemed. Just, Eternal Day next season. Please. "Team Cheaty Hot Beef for the win." "GG!""
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